2 issues going on here
!) Your daughter "hates" you? Doubtful. She probably just resents that you have become her caregiver, as well as her mother. It might suit you both better if an independent nurses aide or another professional could intervene. If she is disabled and on Medicare, they will (most likely) cover the expense. This individual would also be responsible for seeing she is showered and dressed each day. And there would be NO issue..it WOULD be done whether she likes it or not. And no resentment toward you, because you are no longer in charge. A professional, no-nonsense person is holding the reins.
2) Your daughter wants to appear with you in a public arena. This is an embarassment to you, as well as offensive to your hosts. Well, Saphire, TELL HER! She is an adult. There is no excuse for her behaving like a baby who is happy in a soiled diaper. It is not only offensive, it is a health hazard to herself and others. Tell her she is not welcome, and tell her why. She won't hate you. She will respect you for your honesty. And if she is angry...a temporary problem. Are you also responsible for her food? Tell her, "no clean no food!"
6 MONTHS! You gotta be kidding me?! You put up with it for THAT long? Time to stop coddling her.
Geez, darlin'...you know Chap has that brain injury? Well his breath stunk. So I raised cain with the nurses, and insisted the brush his teeth after every meal. EVERY MEAL!! He spent thousands on periodontal care, and they were letting his teeth rot in his mouth! And you know what? He didn't like it the first time. But he insists on it himself now!
When I was an anorexic in my teens, the doctors insisted I eat. To such an extent that I was not permitted to leave the bed (even to "go"...I had to use a bed pan! UGH!) , or watch TV, unless I ate my entire hospital tray. Harsh. But it worked.
Tough love, my friend!
I think that it is you who is afraid of her wrath. Yes...she went through trauma. But so did you. Don't we all, to some extent? Having a child who is sick, injured or in pain is the hardest thing for a mother! She's a mother...she should recognize that! If you find her unmanageable, perhaps you should seek counselling. We cannot change another person's way of thinking or feeling. Only our own. And are you really physically strong enough to do everything yourself?
Keeping you in my prayers. Always thinking of YOUR health, Saphire! Please DO ask your daughter's doctor about getting an aide. And you have enough on your own plate...you certainly cannot handle an adult who remains an unruly child. Get some help with her care, if you can. JMHO...HUGS! sheryl
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