This and That....
Do you have some humor or something of interest to share with the community but it just doesn't seem to fit on the other pages? E-mail it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll post it here for you. Earmark it for the "This 'n That" page. A special thanks to all those who submitted these items.
WARNING: Very contagious to adults.
SYMPTOMS: Continual complaint as to need for names, dates, and places. Patient has a blank expression, sometimes deaf to spouse and children. Has no taste for work of any kind, except feverishly looking through records at libraries and courthouses. Has compulsion to write letters. Swears at mailman when he doesn't leave mail. Frequents places such as cemeteries; ruins; and remote, desolate country areas. Makes secret night calls, hides phone bills from spouse, and mumbles to self. Has a strange, faraway look in eyes.
NO KNOWN CURE.
TREATMENT: Medication is useless. Disease is not fatal, but gets progressively worse. Patient should attend genealogy workshops, subscribe to genealogical magazines, and be given a quiet corner in the house where he or she can be alone.
REMARKS: The unusual nature of this disease is -- the sicker the patient gets, the more he or she enjoys it! --Author Unknown
The Mile Marker
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here", says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "Here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles from Dublin!" ...Submitted by Marianne Green
A marker in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our dead Anna
Gone to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that dealt the blow
But the skin of the thing that laid her low!
....submitted by Marianne Green
Genealogy is not fatal, but it is a grave disease.
Genealogists never die, they just lose their census!
Whenever there's a will, you'll see an heir loom.
May all your ancestors be like vegetables in the fall -- turnip!!!
Genealogy is like potato salad - When you share it with others, it's a picnic!
--Authors Unknown.....submitted by Marianne Green
I can see this happening at a genealogist's grave.....Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
Census Takers--True Stories
The Texas 1850 Federal Census schedule, Volume 3, written by H.
Swaringen, Asst. Marshall, 23 October 1850 contains this note written by
the census taker:
"I certify these to be sixty-four pages and a piece of the inhabitants
and done as near in accordance with my oath as I could do it. The people
was hard to get along with!"
...submitted by Marianne Green
Genealogy bumper stickers
1. Many a family tree needs pruning
2. May the Saint of Genealogists bless you!
3. My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!
4. My family came on the Mayflower...or was it Allied?
5. My family tree is a few branches short! All help appreciated
6. My family tree is lost in the forest
7. My family tree must have been used for firewood
8. My genes are so tight, they may stay with me forever
9. My hobby is genealogy, and I raise dust bunnies as pets
10. My skeletons are rhythmically impaired and can't dance
11. Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress
12. Originality is the art of concealing your sources
.....Submitted by Marriane Green
I have spent several years looking for family information and have, as of this week, decided that I am a descendent of the family branch called UNKNOWNS.
I find kazillions with the names of my branches but my branches don't seem to attach to any trees in the known world. Therefore, I have concluded that there are four ways in which the UNKNOWNS originated:
1. We were sent to the colonies by the British government in the 1700's to spy. We so excelled in the art of blending in with the flora and fauna that no one knew we were here...even the British lost contact with us.
2. We were dropped off here by one of the space ships that some think visited our planet. Again, we were outstanding in the ability to blend in and so were never noticed. Somewhere down the line someone forgot to tell us that we are from another planet. I think the space ships some people report seeing and being captured by, are our true family and they are looking for us to take us home.
3. Immaculate conception...which explains itself.
4. I really don't exist. I am but a figment of someone's imagination but don't know who that someone is.
I am very frustrated as you can tell. Do you have a section in this area for us UNKNOWNs to apply to families for adoption so that we can attach our tiny branch buds and belong to some tree... any tree?
..... written by Mary Ann Bartlett .....submitted by Marianne Green
WARNING - QUARANTINE
The inhabitants of this place have been stricken with
GENEALOGY FEVER - A Deadly and Infectious Disease
Symptoms: Notepapers stuffed in pockets and files; heart
palpitations at the sight of gravestones and old trunks
filled with letters; bloodshot eyes from excessive microfilm
exposure; erratic speech patterns punctuated with pilgrims and
princes; cold sweat upon the arrival of the daily mail.
INCURABLE: Okay...c'mon admit it. Haven't we all felt like this???
10 FAMILY RULES
(List developed by a Frustrated Genealogist)
1. Go Forth and Multiply
2. Pack up and move to a different location many times
3. Use names other than those given to you
4. Refuse to talk about your family or ancestors
5. Make up interesting stories that can't be verified
6. Make spelling changes to your name regularly (And anything else important, or otherwise)
7. Have many different birth dates
8. Do not record any kind of family information
9. Claim to have come from a different Country (preferably one that doesn't keep records)
10. Do not save any family correspondence