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| (Original Message) | Sent: 3/18/2003 7:05 PM |
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Disco. your story really hit home. although we have different experiences, we have done some of the same things. I am 47 and was not diagnosed until 2 years ago. I was diagnosed as borderline a long time ago with depressive episodes. My hubby has put up with a lot. I have changed since I have the right meds,but I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong at the time. anger fueled some of my behavior,or feeling low. I hated to take the meds at first because the highs were exciting to me and I was afraid of being blah. Well, I turned blah but the meds are being readjusted.I was too down. I am still looking for the right meds,but I have learned how to be a better person. You have a nice hubby it sounds like, and you seem to know yourself well.you seem like a really wonderful person who had some bad things happen to you.Keep working at it ,you sound like you are doing better. luvnhugs, belladonnatex
----- Original Message ----- From: "Discochic" <[email protected]> To: "JANICE'S BI-POLAR SUPPORT SITE" <[email protected]> Sent: Tuesday, March 18, 2003 1:05 PM Subject: Disco's Story
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New Message on JANICE'S BI-POLAR SUPPORT SITE
----------------------------------------------------------- From: Discochic Message 1 in Discussion
I'm going to give this a try although I'm not really sure where to begin. I know I have had Bipolar all my life it just never had a name till I was 20. When I was a little girl I NEVER wanted to be at school I would have RAGING tantrums. My mother was the only one who could calm me down. No one else wanted to deal with me. I was a "problem". It wasn't until 4th grade that my mom could actually relax during the day and know the nurse wouldn't be calling to say I was having fit could she come and get me!!! The Teenage blues hit me hard. I always was felt like an outsider to my friends. I was the girl who was "in" one minute and "out" the next. It hurt me tremendously. I would always shake things up though...be the one who would do things no else would do. Never with drugs or anything just things people wouldn't do. In 8th grade I was sexually assualted by a student in my school...at school. I held it inside for a long time. I missed a whole year of school because I wouldn't go. I ended up being home schooled and then shipped out of district. Around age 15 I met a man who was 29 and liked the attention he gave me and I started to have an intimate yet not sexual relationship with him....I believe this was my first manic episode. I saw nothing wrong with what I was doing. My family however did!!!! He was the one I confided my "secret" too. That ended quickly after my family figured out what was going on. School was never a safe place for I left when i was 17. I met my fiance around that time. He is the one who has stood by me through everything and the one who made me go on medication...something my family wasn't even successful at. He excepted me though. And I.... over the years have been awful to him. (in waves I should say) I was violet and hit him, I have cheated on him, I have verbally abused him. He has been strong enough to know that the person he fell in love with is still inside me. That I LOVE him and I am getting help for the pain I have inside me. He is my reason for wanting to be well and Not just give in to my disease. (In my right mind I never would have done the things that i have done to him) my family has been slow to come around and except my Bipolar. The just went on believeing I was a lazy tempramental loser. With the exception of my mom who is my strength along with my fiance. They are slowing coming to except that I have ups and downs that I can't control. Me on the other hand I don't know if I have fully accepted it. I talk about it alot with people. But sometimes it feels as though I am talking about someone else. its hard. I have condensed my story to fit this site. ALOT OF ME has been left out....but this it....here I am.....and guess what? I'm ok!!!!! (Today anyway!)
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Disco, Glad you shared your story with us . Many of us can relate! ((((hugs)))) |
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