JANICE'S BI-POLAR SUPPORT SITE

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where to start this i have no clue..so a summary i thought would be sufficient..being im writing this in a depressed mood you can see the real me........ughh

i felt different all my life.......i grew up and still live in the same town since birth.......have a loving family...but always thought i have been the blacksheep.......when i was young and in 1st grade an on through..i never had friends because i would push them away....i thought i wasnt worth being around..at such a young age i never understood why i felt that way.........i remember sitting in the corner off from the other kids ..no matter where the teacher told me to sit..i always went back to that corner........i was this way all through school..even up to the time i graduated high school...on my graduation night......i asked to be seated in the very back row and wanted to be the last one to get my diploma because i knew i would fall or something and make a fool out of myself...and if i did i wanted a b-line straight out of there.....by the time i was 21 i became suicidal.....and over the past years until present at age 33...i have tried it many many times........twice almost succeeded........i was abused and raped during this course of my life......which still has a strong hold on me.........every relationship i gain..i end up sabotaging..and i dont know why i push people away.....my bipolar illness maybe? i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with rapid cycling 6 years ago.......have been in denial up until this last year..but still having problems with the issue of having this disorder........i know i have it......but yet i guess im stil in denial.......i dont know how..but i take care of my parents who are ill and elderly.....i cant hardly take care of me....i dont see how i take care of them.......since my brother died.....4 years ago this october 28...my life has been nothing but a shell.......almost zombie-like......and now that my dad had a stroke.......i find myself even more discouraged that i will ever have a "normal" life..is there such a thing as normal?

this is all i can do for now.....maybe more later on..any questions or comments..feel free..

judie......aka...wingsofdoubt

(((((Wingsofdoubt))))),

I have always felt it was unfair for anyone to endure such pain.

After reading your post I can see just

how strong of a person you really are.

You have overcome many hard

obstacles in your life.

I, myself, don't think I could handle

what you have been through.

I do know that we are all here for you

at anytime you need us.

You are a wonderful person and you

OUT OF PAIN CAN COME SUNSHINE IF YOU GIVE YOURSELF THE TIME TO HEAL. WE ALL HAVE FELT LIKE THE ODD PERSON IN OUR LIVES. RECENTLY I FELT SO DOWN I STARTED TO GIVE UP ON THE ONE THING THAT HAS KEPT ME HERE ALL THIS TIME-MY FAITH IN GOD. IF I CAN DO ANYTHING JUST ASK. I NEED TO START DOING SOME GOOD AGAIN AND KIND OF REACH OUT BEYOND MY PAIN. THIS SITE IS A GODSEND!!!

i know what you had to go through in life. i had the same kind of things in mine.both of my parents are gone now. it is hard to deal with. i believe you are a strong person or you would not be here today. i don't know at times how i made it but i did. we must take it one day at a time and trust in God to see us through. it is not an easy life but i know you can be strong and make it. i think what is "normal" for one person is not "normal" for another. we all have our own ideas as to what is normal. take care and keep on going. lots of love and hugs. ginny

Important Announcement The MSN Groups service will close in February 2009. You can move your group to Multiply, MSN’s partner for online groups. Learn More
JANICE'S BI-POLAR SUPPORT SITE	[email protected]