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Heart Storms : Oh how I hate this grieving process...the pain, the anguish, the anger....
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Message 1 of 5 in Discussion

From:

HaislaSunshine (Original Message)

Sent: 9/7/2007 5:59 AM

"Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain"

Oh man..It is going to take me forever to learn to dance in all the rain that has fallen on me in the last month. I am drenched!!!First of all I had to deal with learning of the cancer that my friend was diagnosed with....and then how quickly it snuffed out my friend's life. How fast he left us. He was diagnosed with liver cancer on August 3 and he passed away on August 31. That was so fast.

You know... there is always someone in your life that tries to... oh I don't even know what I want to say or how to say it. Any how... Dennis had a niece named Cathy who appeared to despise me and for what reason I do not know. If you have time to read what I need to talk about, thank you. Cathy was, and still is in high authority of the church that Dennis attended. She worked with the youth. Dennis paid for Bryanna to go to a youth camp on Vancouver Island about 4 years ago. The church paid for Bry's friend Michelle to go. To make a long story short, after we were told to meet them at the church, she picked Michelle up, who lived a couple of blocks from us. We struggled with Bry's luggage bringing it to the church to meet Cathy. They later had some problems with their car. At Dennis' memorial service Tammy wanted to say a few words. Cathy was in charge and she came up to me as soon as I got to the church. I called Dennis' sister earlier and asked if Tammy could say a few words, she said she was going to ask Cathy to put her name down. When Cathy came up to me in the church she told me that they had designated speakers and

Tammy would have to wait until we got downstairs when everyone went to have refreshments to have her say. I just told Cathy that she'd have to tell Tammy herself and that I wasn't going to fight with her over anything... especially on that night.

Cathy was just starting to work with the youth when my two older daughters were in their teens. She used to show my girls that she didn't like them. You know... I don't understand why God allows people like that to be in authority. Well I guess he is trying to teach her...by the car problems she had when she treated us the way she did. She could have at least called us to tell us she could have picked Bry up instead of having us struggle with Bry's luggage bringing it to the church. (We went to the church by transit)~~When she tried to sing at the memorial service the musicians couldn't get on her note and it really threw her off. She has a beautiful singing voice. I think God allowed that to happen to her just to show her that she can't go around treating people the way that she does.

She wasn't the only one at the church that made me feel that way all these years. Gary was also a friend of Dennis'. I think to Gary I was a temptation to Dennis and he appeared to not like me around either. It is just awful to have that feeling that you aren't liked. Gary is now a pastor. You know... I don't know whether it was just the feeling of grief or if that was really happening about them not really liking me and my daughters. You know how sensitive you are when you are grieving. Oh I don't know. Gary has always been like that with me. I'm a singer and I was trying to tape some songs that I wrote a while back and Gary kept on making sounds in the background. I was just fooling around trying to see how I sounded on tape. Gary stopped what I was trying to do. Just irritating things like that. I never felt respected by any of them there.

Well that is the storm that my heart has just weathered in the past week. I don't know. I will never find out until I get to heaven why God has allowed those people in that church to treat others the way that they have done.

After Tammy spoke I had my say there too. I just told them of mine and Dennis' friendship and how we were at first attracted to one another. And of how we accepted that our relationship wouldn't go beyond our friendship. Gary and his wife didn't really like to hear what I said but I went ahead and said it anyway and I was able to sing there after. That is one thing that I won't allow anyone to do is take away my memories of Dennis. No one can do that. I hold them dear to my heart. I won't even let them tarnish what my dearest and most precious friend and I had.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Love and big hugs from Haisla

I am

seeking

between

and

zip code

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Message 2 of 5 in Discussion

From:

Emeraldlassie0

Sent: 9/8/2007 7:30 PM

Shar,

I'll always take time to read what you write. To be honest I don't think you will dance in the rain in this storm. It is a good quote , but not for right now.

As for Cathy and the rest there are just some really mean/ nasty people in the world and you may never understand why they act the way they do. Maybe right now their pain has something to do with it. But to treat you and your family so horribly rude is inexcusable. I know how it feels to be disliked when one does not know why and it hurts. You and I know that the best thing to do is "get over it!" Think to yourself "you're the losers and not me". That advice by the way comes from a doctor. The Stages of Grief by Kubler Ross may help you. You have to work through them and right now there will be denial, then anger, then acceptance.(my order may be mixed up a little ) As I read through your post I was most

saddened by how cruel people can be and not even know it.

Hey you are not alone BC sis and

you are in my thoughts and I am sure your are being watched over

by a special angel now.

Love

Heather/Em

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Message 3 of 5 in Discussion

From:

Silken2004

Sent: 9/8/2007 9:54 PM

Dearest Shar... Someone once told me.. "50% of the people you meet in this world will not like you.. Focus on the 50% who do like you." I think that is a good philosophy to live by... You can and should let these people who are adding to your hurt, pass by you without noticing them.

I haven't been a "church-goer" for years and years even tho' my childhood was spent around many a church function. I don't like the fact that in almost every church, at every church function, the women end up in the big church kitchen while the men visit and play ball. I don't like the fact that people go to church thinking that all they have to do is attend services and it doesn't matter who they rip off for the rest of the week. I don't like the fact that so many are there to find their own "ticket" into heaven rather than to practice true Christian values. I don't like the fact that more wars have been fought in the name of "religion" than for any other reason... There is much I don't care for in organized religion and I believe that MANY a godly person can be found outside the doors of a church.

Having said that, it's obvious that these people you are speaking of are right where they should be. At least under God's scrutiny, they MAY come to His attention but they may not... Appointed by man, they are subject to man's laws and man's continous power struggles with other men... (including women).

Your relationship of love with Dennis IS your relationship with God and as such it is sacred. When one person loves another person in this life, I truly believe that it is touching God's face to feel that way... It doesn't matter whether someone else approves of the relationship or not... Whatever you had with Dennis is not for any other human being to judge...

Take the high road on this one Shar... You know what that is so even if you are grieving, the important thing is to be able to look at all situations and know that you did the right thing... None of this is going to matter to anyone 100 years from now...

I hope that you are resting, eating and taking very good care of yourself during this difficult time... You already know that you have survived far worse than this so you know that you can... The saying about learning to "dance in the rain" isn't intended to be technically applied... If the best you can do is simply walk in the rain and be happy that you knew and loved Dennis, they you ARE dancing as opposed to those who can't be happy for the joy they've known with someone.

Be good to yourself Shar.. You deserve it...

Luv n hugggs,

Silken

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Message 4 of 5 in Discussion

From:

«ƒô®çéd£õ§†§öû£�?/nobr>

Sent: 9/9/2007 8:32 AM

My Dear Friend Shar,

My heart feels for you, to be going thru what yor going thru and have these so called "leaders" and the people of "high authority" treating you and your family that way just adds to the hurt.

Em and Silken have both made valid points as well as left you with some comforting words and have pretty well said it all... for those are my feelings as well.

I myself am not religious anymore (although I do believe in the Creator). I was born and raised Roman Catholic, left the church at the age of 11 cause my church decided to do things differently (after years of telling us that there was only one way of worshiping), then I got back to the church cause I found one that did the Mass the old way. I left that as well after many years because of the "religious politics" involved... and people of so called "high authority".

There is only One "High Authority" that I have to deal with now... and that's the Creator. Reading what you have written only reaffirms the choice
I've made. It also brings to mind afew things that are written in the bible about situations like this that I myself have told these people of "high authority". First and foremost comes to mind is this (and then i'll leave you with a passage... in my own words). This is just my view on religion.. If you read the bible, you'll notice that Jesus himself has said on several occasions to people, this phrase(s)...Things like, "Go now, your son is healed, your ""faith"" has saved him" or he said something like "Your ""faith"" has saved you" ... "You shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven with Me for your "faith has saved you" etc....

Nowhere in the Bible, Korran, etc does Jesus ever say... "Your ""Religion"" has saved you." I look at it this way... God and Jesus have used the words "Faith" and "Believe" or "Belief"... It's man that uses the words "Religion, Ministry etc.

Faith and Belief is from GOD... Religion etc are from man. I choose the former. I'd rather put my belief/faith in God or the Creator than man... anytime!

Now, as far as those so called "leaders and people of high authority" is concerned... Jesus himself got... shall we say "Fed up" with them back in His day as well on many occasions. One of the phrases that Jesus used that really made an impression on me (cause I still see it going on today and your experience has showed it once again) was this phrase and I'll leave this with you now......

He said this to the Pharasees (hope I spelled it right) and I hope I get this right (it's been awhile)....

Jesus said..... "You bow to the letter of the law (God's law) but Violate the Heart of the law!"

So Shar, just keep the "Faith" and let the others worry about the religion. They too will have to answer to Him when the time comes. Their actions will weigh even heavier for representing Him. For alot of people will lose "Faith" because of their actions. "What so ever you do to my children... you also do unto me".

I realize I probaly jumped around abit and perhaps became "overzealous" in what I say but I have a hard time talking about the two issues that are affecting you... Cancer (cause of my Dad) and Religion... for various reasons.

I dont know if you made heads or tails about what I tried to say... I just dont like seeing my friends hurt.

Andy

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Message 5 of 5 in Discussion

From:

HaislaSunshine

Sent: 9/9/2007 2:43 PM

Oh THANK YOU!!!!!THANK YOU!!!!! I so needed to hear all what you have said. Things happened as I said with Cathy all these years. She was never nice to us and we brought it to the senior pastor's attention and yet she continued to escalate in her authority figure. She married and is now becoming a 'prominent' figure in the church's eyes, not mine of course because I remember all that she has done and I do keep my distance...men keep promoting her. She and her husband have high positions in the church. I think he sees how she is with others...why she keeps on is between her and God. Sorry to say, but now that Den is gone I have no use to communicate with that woman...or go back to that church. I left there a long time ago...and for what reason I have forgotten, I found another church but I haven't gone for a long long time. All my family used to go Dennis' church at one time. How unfortunate things were allowed to escalate to how things are today. It sure ruins it when there are some people in charge like that. Even if it breaks my heart I will walk away.

Even though there are some people who have appeared to shake my beliefs and all the things about God and his son Jesus, I will still believe. My faith has waivered but I will get up and persevere. Even though the death of my best friend Dennis has totally drained me of whatever emotion that I have left, I will pick myself up because I know that life does carry on. I have resolved to never allow another man to penetrate my heart the way this one man did so many years ago. I loved him so much. I really feel that he was my soul mate... whatever you perceive that to be.

~~~~~~

All of your words have meant so much to me. Believe it or not... my friends that I have don't drop by. I really feel so alone in my grief. My cousin Christine is staying with me. She is the one that is more of a sister to me than anything. We almost died in a fire 2 or 3 years ago. Chris is so much of a support to me.

Thanks so much for all of your responses.

Love and big hugs from Haisla aka Shar

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