Posted by WizeMuse

 

The Adventures of the Big E

Old Mex
Who knows what time………�?.

Jail time in Old Nogales

All the day and all the night………�?BR> The man with the black tattered jacket lead the way to the rusty old caddie. We grabbed our clothes and hurriedly put them on, he laughed and got a good look at our nakedness, but I could tell he wasn't real interested in my bare butt. His eyes were fixed on JoLynns voluptuous beauty. It pissed me off and I wanted to kick his ass. He snarled;�?Hurry up, My capitan is waiting at the station, and he's not used to waiting for anyone. Got IT!" We climbed into the back seat of the caddie and he floored it leaving a cloud of dust hanging over my Stang. I wondered if I'd ever see it again. JoLynn whispered; "Jack, I forgot my purse and it has our IDs and passports." "Shit, I replied; I don't have any money either." We arrived at the old rundown station in the village and the hardened old captain was smoking a big stogie, the room full of nauseating smoke. He growled "What the hell took so long." first looking at the deputy and then at us. "You're under arrest for the murder of "The Big E." I thought, so somebody did finally get the bastard, but it wasn't us. "We're innocent and we can prove it." I mumbled. The deputy slapped my face and grabbed me dragging me off to a cell. I suddenly heard a scream and then an unholy howling..........

I'd seen the look in his eyes (crazy as a loon) and thought it was familiar. Where the hell had I met up with this hombre before? (oh, probably the coyote inn, but for the sake of the story pretend I don't know) I just knew we had to get dressed and go downtown for questioning. It seems our friend (a horn dog, I surmised) was some kind of lawman and he wanted to take us to the station nude, so he could look through the rearview mirror. (I don't need no stinking badge) Whose law's that, I thought, Coyote Ring Law! Shit! (or preposterous) That's what we were wading in now, we had to make a run for it. Kinda hard to do nude (funny, our clothes were on the beach? in the car? who knew?) like we were.....suddenly we heard howling all around us and the dude (coyote ring law and just a horny dog) in the tattered black leather jacket turned around and sneered growling; "Get your Bare Asses in Gear!" snickering like something was up his nose, but I knew better. (so I can watch your old lady’s fine ass sashay, or something sleezy like, for the story’s sake)....he laughed benevolently (horn dog)...the only thing I could think was NO MORE BUTT SHOTS....(where no mans gone before, but me, until now)

The Big E kidnaps my gal...

      I ditched the side car before I got to the border, it was empty without my gal anyway. I knew I'd have to hurry to beat them to the border. I hauled coyotes and the big hog roared in defiance. I'd set up a trap for that horn dog, I'd start playing his game now. Hell, I realized I was a horn dog myself (fight it, nah) and I wanted my butt shot. Besides I needed a drink. This heat is getting to my head. I was seeing mirages in the road, looked like a bunch of coyotes crossing over into Ole Mex. Man, I was seeing things and hearing worse, howling came out of the sand dunes. Up ahead was a dune which looked a lot like a sculptured curvaceous, voluptuous beauty.....Nah, couldn't be I told myself, you're just delirious and soon the alarm will be going off....wake up and tell her  I love her.....AAAAWWWHHHOOOO(intense howling or just a lone coyote?) from the top of a sand dune chilled my bones. Up ahead was a bar and the marquee was WHAT THE....

Posted by WizeMuse

Lady in the Red Dress

Closing Time……�?BR>     Everybody jumped up to check it out. It was a piercing scream. I didn't notice any howling! (generally a sure sign of horn dogs) I winked at the waitress with the red dress. She winked back and after everybody piled out the door we were standing there all alone. She laughed and said, "Screaming goes on here all the time. You know the neighbor hood and all." "Yeah, I said checking her out, I smiled and winked. (flirting, NO, just looking, honey) I was still in shock; the coyotes had abducted my baby, JoLynn. I hadn't seen her all night. I found this haunt after driving for miles. It was a little rundown border town. (your choice) They all looked the same, and I needed a drink, so I stopped in at a little joint called La Coyote (I didn't know any better) and it was the only bar in town. We stood there looking at one another grinning. (myself and the good looking waitress) Everybody started piling back in and the bar keep says "Drinks on the house, now that bastards dead!" I looked at red (the hot waitress) and asked, "Who's that bastard?"
She grinned and said, "Why the Big E" He's a local border thief!" I was thrown, feeling a little queasy. (possibly a tad drunk) "OK" I sounded hollow, and then she gave me a big ole French kiss (a whole lot of tongue)..... I got a head rush...and suddenly howling in my head....(Was Jack turned on by the red dress? or was Elvis really dead)....I thought about JoLynn and smelled lime and tequila!

The hot looking waitress in the red dress sashayed over to my table and sat down next to me. I'd had a lot to drink, feeling a little fuzzy; I thought she looked like JoLynn. I rubbed my eyes and blinked. She winked and said; "You know you're kinda handsome." "Thanks." I replied but you know I'm married. "Yeah and where is the lucky lady?" she cooed. "Well, that's a long story." I was checking her out at that point and Wow she was cute. (sorry honey, it's the story you know) She put her arm around me and kissed my ear, sticking her tongue inside. It gave me a rush and I was getting turned on. (just a little, really) I laughed and said; "That tickles baby." "We shouldn't be doing this you know." She grabbed my head and stuck her tongue in my mouth. I was really getting tempted at this point, then suddenly....(yeah, the horn dogs).....in walked "The Big E" and (yep) JoLynn......Dreaming all over again (like déjà vu once more)

 

 

Posted by WizeMuse

The Big E gives me the Birdie

Elvis Time………�?BR> I'd had quite a few rounds of body shots at this point. (well, I'm probablylying about the body shots, but I was fuzzy headed again) What to Do? What to Do? (deja vu) What Could I Do? What Should I Do? This Ernesto dude was too smooth and I didn't have a clue where my keys were (got drunk and lost em). I could have gave chase, cause I do love JoLynn. But I'd better think of my wife. (no just kidding, honey if you're reading) Her name really is JoLynn and the lecherous Big E along with his trusty horn dogs (not too trusty, as they would sneak a butt shot whenever they could, for the story’s sake) were sampling the wares. And me, well I was just sitting at this bar flirting with the waitress with the red dress on. (honey, the story is becoming stale) I wondered when I'd wake up? (it's a dream, remember) The Coyote Inns were very popular and I would find one in the next town. (there's one in your town) Where was I? Hell, I didn't know I only knew my baby was abducted by the Coyotes of Nogales'........(dramatic ain't it, but I'll leave you with some real choice choices)

 I head out the door, wobbling a little. (body shots'll do that to you) I jump in my Stang and floor it, heading towards Juarez. I leave without saying goodbye to waitress in the red dress. Oh yeah, I found my keys in that cuties bra. (Honest honey I just accidently slipped my hand in there) (JoLynn, I love you, really) After all, I'm still searching for you and besides you're all over the Big E! I leave a huge cloud of dust hanging over the parking lot. I look in my rearview mirror and see a pink Cadillac coming up fast. I notice something on the hood of the car...(mysterious like)....resembles a (yeah you got it) coyote. The driver blows his horn (incredible howling) passes me on the narrow one lane road, causing my Stang to slide. At the last minute I glance over and to my surprise (well, just a little) there's Ernesto (The Big E?) grinning, JoLynn's sitting close, his arm over her shoulder. As I lose control, I see his hand with the middle finger extended (the s o b's giving me the birdie)......(cuss…crash…burn)