Ethel's Episodes-Out There

Ethel had had too much to drink again. She had drunk almost a whole bottle of White Zinfendel by herself.So when she woke up on Mars, it didn't surprize her at all. She came to walking alongside the Spirit Rover, and was having an animated conversation with said robot." Well, dear, this is really a special place isn't it?", she asked. Of course she expected no reply. It was after all just a robot. And though inebriated, Ethel knew that it would not answer.

They walked along in companionable silence for a while. The robot was busy taking pictures, Ethel was trying to get the red dust off her shoes. They traveled up a tiny hill and back down and that was when Ethel saw the cave.

Directly in front of and to the left of the rover was a dark depression in the wall of red rock confronting them.

The rover chirped as it started forward to investigate. Ethel decided to explore too as who knew when she would see Mars again. So the two of them, machine and curious little old woman went into the cave.

That's when the trouble began. The two had no sooner gotten inside when they were surrounded by what looked for all the world like a tribe of indians. Their bronze-colored skin was almost the same hue as the soil on the surface. And they wore their long hair in braids. They spoke in a series of squeaks and chirps but to Ethel's surprize she understood every word they said!

One who was obviously the leader said "Who are you and what are you and your cousin doing here?" Ethel replyed that she was from Earth and the robot was not her cousin. She asked his name and he said "One Who is Obviously the Leader". Ethel said "Well, that's nice Dear, but what is your name? "One Who is Obviously the Leader", he said again. Ethel was getting very frustrated. "Why won't you tell me your name?", she asked again.

One Who is Obviously the leader said" Enough! Now what is your name?" My name is Ethel Frinklesten", said Ethel.' What kind of a name is that?" demanded One is Obviously the Leader. "Well at least I told you my name.You are so rude you won't tell me yours. And I know you are obviously the leader, you don't have to keep telling me!" ".Fine", he said, we have settled the matter," said One Who is Obviously the Leader.

"Now what is your cousin's name?" I told you it is not my cousin, it is a robot-a machine sent here to explore your planet", said Ethel. Doe's it have a name?", he asked." Oh alright, it's name is Spirit Rover!". All the Martians dropped to their knees to Ethel's astonishment. "Our God has come", they cried in unison. At that exact moment, the rover gave a chirp and rolled forward. All of the group pressed the palms of their hands to the ground and then rubbed red dust on themselves in what was a religious ritual or so Ethel supposed.

"You have brought to us the longing of our hearts," said One Who is Obviously the Leader. Would you do us the honor of sharing our food?" Ethel replyed that she would be happy to as she was rather hungry. "But you have to let me cook for you", she said. The tribe all nodded in assent and Ethel was escorted to a room that held all manner of vegetables, none of which she recognized. She chose what looked to be a root baring a strong resemblance to an earthly pototo, as well as several others that were leafy but were rust colored.

While Ethel searched for the Martian equivalent of a chicken in the pens of strange animals she found in the room behind what served as a food preparation place, the tribe gathered around the robot and try as they might could not get their God to say a word. They sqeaked and chirped and made every sound they could think of but the rover stubbornly refused to say anything. The rover just looked at them with its cameras and only chirped when it moved forward.

In the meantime, Ethel had found and defeathered a chicken looking animal that had four legs. She boiled it in a pot along with the red leafy vegetables and white root. It did smell good, and she thought to herself. "Oh how wonderful to be able to make chicken soup for these people for the first time." She found what had to be their bowls and ladled the soup into it and called them in to eat. Each one took a bowl and sat crosslegged on the floor of the cave to eat.

As they ate, all exclaimed that this was the best meal they had had in their lives and that she must be the God's cook too. She explained that no she wasnt, that the rover did not in fact eat. When all had eaten their fill, One Who is Obviously the Leader said,"That was so good. What did you put in that soup, that we may make it ourselfs. Ethel gave a list of the ingredients, and amounts of each. When she got to the part about wringing the chickenlike creatures neck and defeathering him however, everyone began to howl and vomit. "What is wrong", cried Ethel." You all ate it and enjoyed it".

One Who is Obviously the Leader began to howl and cry. "You monster!!! You vile spawn of that planet Earth.You Who are Obviously the lowest of all life forms!!! Oh, you creature of deceit!! You have killed and took off the feathers and then served to us He Who is My Cousin"" Oh, oh, oh", said Ethel as the whole tribe started toward her and the Rover beamed the whole thing back to earth........

"Wake up Ethel, wake up". Ethel awakened and was relieved to see Harvey bending over her shaking her gently. What on earth were you dreaming about?," Harvey asked." You were talking about Martian chickens and one who was obviously the leader! What was the chicken the leader of?".The chicken was not the leader- he was the cousin of the leader of the tribe of Martian indians, Harvey and I cooked him and fed him to them ", Ethel replyed tearfully." Now, Now Ethel, it was just a dream. Kinda out there, but still just a dream", said Harvey. He smiled to himself and thought" even in her dreams, Ethel brings chaos". But he wouldn't want to be married to anybody else. At least he was never ever bored! He kissed her and held her and they both went back to sleep.

Anita Callender2004

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