Ethel’s Episodes-Evolution?

Ethel was in her backyard enjoying the sunshine and cool breeze. From where she sat she had an unobstructed view of her yard and the massive old trees at the back of the property. As she sat there daydreaming, her eyes wandered to the old oak on the left hand side of the yard, A more beautiful tree she had never seen. She was so glad she and Harvey had given up the apartment in Manhattan and bought the property in Albany. It was so beautiful and peaceful here she thought.

She loved looking at the trees and flowers at the edge of the fence. She glanced at the old oak again and saw movement high in the branches. At first she thought it was just the wind but no, there it was again. She got up from her chair and walked slowly toward the tree.

As she got nearer, the movement was shaking the leaves and she could see a flash of brown high up in the tree. She was now directly beneath the tree looking up. She saw brown fur. What was that? Had a cat gotten up the tree or could it be a possum? She stepped closer to the base of the tree and now she not only saw brown fur but a face that resembled a wizened old man. She also saw a long tail.

As she watched the animal began to climb lower in the branches shaking the leaves violently as it descended. Finally, Ethel saw what was clearly a monkey-a monkey that was making its way toward the ground where Ethel was standing.

As it reached the lowest branch, it hurled itself into the air and landed directly on Ethel. Two hairy arms wrapped themselves around Ethel's middle like a child would and hung there fiercely.

Ethel didn't know what to do. At first she tried dislodging the monkey, but he hung on all the tighter. She wasn't really afraid of him. He looked up into her eyes and seemed to pleading with her not to put him down. So she didn't.

She had no idea what to do with him. She knew Harvey wouldn't let her keep him, but still.....it was so cute. Maybe she could keep him for a day or two and then call around and see if she could find its owner. And maybe Harvey would never know he was there. All she had to do was make sure he was no where around when Harvey was home, and since Harvey was at work during the day, it shouldn't be too hard a job to conceal him. What Harvey didn't know couldn't hurt him and she would have a pet at least for a day or two.

The decision made, she took the monkey through the back door and into the kitchen. She sat him in a chair and offered him a banana. He didn't eat it however. She then offered him a pear, which he also refused.

"What am I going to do with you?"

In reply, the monkey grinned and showed his teeth.

Ethel decided to go about cleaning her kitchen, and the monkey watched with obvious interest as Ethel swept the floor, and then filled up a bucket of water to mop her floor.

As she began moping, the monkey jumped into the air and landed directly in the mop bucket splashing water and suds everywhere. As Ethel started toward him,

the monkey scrambled out and ran across the floor and leaped onto the countertop where Ethel had placed a plate of steaks to defrost for dinner.

Ethel ran to grab him and reached him just as he throwing the pieces of steak all over the room, gleefully screeching and beating its tiny chest.

There was now water, suds and bloody steak strewn across the kitchen floor. Ethel decided bringing him into the house was a very bad idea and was heading toward him to grab him and place him back outside when the phone rang.

She grabbed the phone as the monkey sat on the countertop staring balefully at her.

"Hi, hon. I just wanted to let you know that I'm at the store. I have Jim with me, and I thought it would be nice to invite him to dinner because his wife Is out of town. Is there anything you would like me to pick up? "

"A net would be nice," she replied.

"What? I thought you said a net".

"Well, it would help with the monkey that's in the kitchen."

"Ethel, for Pete’s sake, what are you talking about. Are you alright...you sound funny."

"Well I found him and brought him in and now he's run amuck and now is not the time to have a guest to supper!"

Harvey turned to his friend and said, "Jim, I'm going to have to ask you to let me give you a rain check on the dinner. There is s sort of crisis going on at home.

I'm not sure what it is exactly, but Ethel said...well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

"Say no more...but I want the full story tomorrow".

Harvey arrived home to find Ethel skidding across the wet floor chasing the monkey all over the kitchen.

There were glasses and pots and pans scattered all across the room.

The monkey screamed triumphantly as it pulled down the curtains above the kitchen sink and then swept the ceramic canisters of coffee, tea, and flour on the countertop onto the floor with one swipe of its paw.

Harvey could not believe his eyes. There was a mess everywhere he looked.

'For the love of God, Ethel, where did that hooligan come from?"

Ethel looked at Harvey with tears in her eyes and said," I found him in the tree in the backyard and brought him in- just for a little while. I thought it would be nice to feed him and then look for his owners."

Harvey glared at Ethel and then grabbed the phone. He called animal control, and explained the situation. They said they would be right out.

As he put the phone down, the monkey leaped off the counter, grabbed the chandelier above the table, and flew off it- directly onto Harvey's back. It reached around to Harvey’s coat pocket and grabbed his wallet and ran out the back door.

Harvey and Ethel ran as fast as they could but reached the tree just in time to see it scamper back up into the tree. In less then a heartbeat, it was already in the treetop.

By the time the animal control truck arrived, Harvey was stuck up in the highest branch that he could safely put his weight on and the monkey was one branch above him,screeching and taunting Harvey with his wallet which the monkey held just out of Harvey's reach. Ethel was standing at the base of the tree aghast.

"Give me that wallet you @#&%@@ monkey! $$$@@***you! Harvey was yelling so loud the neighbors were coming out of their houses. The monkey was screaming and Harvey was using words Ethel didn't even know the meaning of...

Both Harvey and the monkey were totally out of controll.

The monkey was finally brought down with a tranquilizer dart and fell into Ethel's arms.

Two hours later, the fire department was able to rescue Harvey from the tree.

Harvey and Ethel went into their devastated kitchen. Harvey didn't say a word as Ethel put some coffee on to brew. An ominous silence followed.

Finally ,Ethel looked guiltily at the husband and said, 'Honey, I'm sorry. I thought he was cute and I just wanted to keep him for today.' Her eyes filled with huge tears.

Harvey threw her one last angry look.

They sat there for a while, then Harvey finally spoke.

"Ethel, I know you had the best of intentions, you’re always doing these things. I know you didn't mean for things to happen the way they did.

Then he started to laugh.

�?Oh, Ethel, if you could have only seen your face! The whole room looked like a whirlwind hit it! And Ethel, you were running around almost as fast as the monkey! Ha, Ha, Ha! I'll never forget that sight as long as I live!"

"I didn't even know you knew words like that,Harvey! Ha,Ha,Ha!

And with that, the storm was over.

copyright2007

anita callender

Copyright 2007

Anita Callender