Ponderisms

· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

· The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

· Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the

dead.

· Life is sexually transmitted.

· An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

· If quitters never win, and winners never quit! , then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the

depth.

· Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

· Some people are like Slinkies . . not really good for

anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in

hospitals dying of nothing.

· Have you ever noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to

criticism.

· Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred

dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire