A Real Tiger

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about
ready to consummate their marriage, when the new
bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to
make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this
day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why
you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When
they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the
telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call
room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed
to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the
phone.

"Now what are you doing?" She asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going
to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and
makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags
himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's par
for this damn hole".

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  HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM:

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting
   across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot
   solidly on accelerator: BOSTON
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf
   cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on
   accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on
   brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in
   CALIFORNIA
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on
   accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back
   seat: ITALY
8. One hand on 12 oz. Double shot latte, one knee on
   wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on
   radio game, banging head on steering wheel while
   stuck in traffic: SEATTLE
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle,
   alternating between both feet being on the
   accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing
   McDonald's bag out the window: TEXAS
10.Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in
   rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails
   attached to antenna: ALABAMA
11.Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible
   above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in
   the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA