Any recent trip to the drugstore or a department store will assure you
that the fall and winter holidays are nearly upon us. There have been
Halloween decorations since before Labor Day, and Christmas
decorations since before Halloween. Every year the stores seem to put
out their holiday offerings earlier than the year before.

This kaleidoscoping of the holidays in the headlong rush to year-end
seems to add to the sense of loss I experience as a bereaved parent.
The traditional family holidays are so difficult for me under the
best of circumstances, that the extra pressure of longer seasonal
displays and sales can take away what little enjoyment I have been
able to find.

So this year, I made up my mind that I was going to be able to be
thankful at Thanksgiving. I was going o resist the prolonging of the
season and its squeeze on my heart. An easy commitment to make; not
an easy one to carry out.

Each night, as I lie down before sleep, I thank my Creator for what I
have. Since promising myself to be thankful, I have had a few panicky
moments when I had to really search for something to say thanks for,
but overall, as I thought each night about the day just finished, I
found things I could truthfully be thankful for. And so, just as a
smile from one person can spread to a room full of people, so one or
two things to be thankful for soon become several, and then many. I
have realized with surprise that I now have real things to be
thankful for, not just something I thought up so as not to skip a
night in trying to keep my promise.

So, what am I thankful for? For the precious privilege of being the
Mom to my beautiful daughter and the son we lost. For the love of my
husband. For the sweet innocence of my granddaughters. For the love
of my father and mother-in-law. For my friends. For those who look to
me for support and guidance. For the fact that I can make a
difference in someone's life by taking time to listen. For
opportunities not missed. For home cooked meals. For the
gentle "kiss" from my dog. For the loving paw-pat from my cat.

Maybe some of these things sound maudlin and made-up. And maybe for
someone else they wouldn't work. But for me,they are real - real
things to say "thanks" for - real emotions that make me understand
that living, even without my son, is something I want to keep doing.
I can begin now to look forward instead of backward, to anticipate
instead of remember, to love what I have instead of what I had.

So this year, when Thanksgiving comes again and the family gathers, I
will remember with love and tears the son who isn't here and reach
out to touch my "blessings" that are here.

To each of you, wherever you are on your journey through the valley of
grief, I wish you "thankful things" and the light they will bring into
your life. Love, after all, is the greatest gift we give or receive,
and it is the one that not even death can take away.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!
~Sondra Wright, TCF, Tucker, Ga
From TCF Atlanta Online Sharing

(TCF = The Compassionate Friends child loss support group.)  http://www.compassionatefriends.org