Dealing with Damaged Emotions/Depression
written by Terry Quintopatruno
Many people today, even Christians, have scares, painful hurts from
the past that do not surface until later on in life.
Some Examples of "damaged emotions" are:
Small boy rushes downstairs on Christmas morning only to discover
dirt in his stocking and no presents under the tree. His stepfather
and mother decided he was too bad a boy during the year to get
anything. That small boy (who was only being a boy afterall) takes
that with him the rest of his life. That hurt feeling, that sense of
loss, stays with him forever.
Another example: a young girl is raped repeatedly by a relative or
friend. She never quite gets over it and it surfaces later on in
life.
The result is a life of anger, bitterness, pain, and an inability to
feel loved or to show love, especially to another man. She doesn't
trust men. She has been scarred for life.
Another example: a young girl is told repeatedly by her mother that
she is lazy, good for nothing, she will never amount to anything,
etc. That girl takes that with her the rest of her life as well and
she grows up thinking all of that about herself. She works harder in
life trying to prove that to be a lie.
Another example: The young girl or boy is constantly running after
an alcholic father takes that memory and buries it, manytimes
doesn't surface for a long time. Sometimes these memories are
Repressed and do not surface until later on in life.
These things directly and deeply affect our concepts, our feelings,
our attitude, our relationships. They affect the way we look at life
and God, at others, and even ourselves.
What are results of some of these damaged emotions? One of the most
common is a deep sense of UNWORTHINESS, a continuous feeling of
anxiety, inadquacy and inferiority, an inner nagging that says, "I'm
no good. I'll never amount to anything. No one could ever possibly
love me. Everything I say and everyting I do is wrong." There is a
lack of self-confidence.
What happens to this kind of person when he/she becomes a christian?
Part of their mind believes in God's love, accepts God's forgiveness
and feels at peace for awhile. Then all of a sudden, everything
within him rises up to cry out, "it's a lie!". They really don't
believe that God could possibly love them. It surfaces. They
believe no one really CARES. They have a hard time believing first
that anyone loves them, and second that anyone could possibly love
them, for they are "unworthy". They have this sense of unworthiness.
They have built-up ANGER inside of them as well.
Here's a classic example of "not good enough". A young boy tries to
win his mother's approval by setting the table. Rather than gently
telling him what a good job he's done, however, the forks are on the
wrong side, she scolds him. So he tries again the next night. Only
this time, the spoons are on the wrong side. After that it would be
the salad plates. He could never please her and never get it right.
She never tells him she is proud of him. Try as hard as he might, he
could never please his father either. He would bring home his report
card with all C's. His dad looked at the card and said, "billy if
you try harder you could get B's." So Billy tries harder and get's
all B's. Instead of showing pride in his improvement, the father
simply says, "Billy if you can get all B's, you can get all A'S". He
needs that approval, so try harder Billy does. This time he does
improve, he's older, and he gets all A's. His father looks at the
card and says, I know these teachers. They give everyone an A. Billy
feels let down. A sense of loss. He was hoping his father would be
proud, instead, Billy suffers yet another rejection. No love shown
to him. No "I'm proud of you son" that Billy had hoped for. What has
happened to poor Billy? He has found that he can NEVER please his
father no matter how hard he tries. Does he quit trying? No, he goes
through life always trying to prove himself. Working harder than he
should, trying to get the approval that never comes. Well Billy
decides to go into ministry. What he has done now is he has
exchanged one mother and father whom he cannot please no matter
what, and exchanged them for a whole congregation of unpleasable
people whom he can never please. He preaches too short; he preaches
too long; the song service is too loud; etc, etc.
There is another kind of damaged emtoion that we call "super
sensitivity". The supersensitive personal has usually been hurt
deeply. He/she is scarred. He/she reached out for love and approval
and affection, but did not get it, instead, got the opposite and has
deep scars inside. Sometimes he/she sees things other people don't
see and tends to feel things other people don't. They feel
inadquate, not good enough, thinks everyone around them is "against
them". Is ofetentimes paranoid. Thinks nobody REALLY loves them.
Can't believe anyone does.
They find it hard to keep a friendship.
Along with that we have "supersensitive" people, which basically is
the same as super sensitivity. One such person was Charlie. Charlie
walks toward you and you are in a rush and so instead of taking the
time with Charlie you usual take because of your own busy schedule
and lack of time, you simply say "hi Charlie can't talk now" and
keep on going. That person will tell another person, and the other
persone lets you know either by phone, email, or whatever, that
Charlie called wanting to know if you are mad at them. At first you
are taken aback. You like Charlie. Why would Charlie think you were
angry with him? Just because you were extremely busy and had no time
to "talk" with him, he immediately assumed, because of his own
inadequacies, that you were angry with him. Charlie can't help
feeling that way. He has damaged emotions.
Then there is the paranoid person. The one who thinks everyone is
talking about them behind their back. Supersensitive people need a
lot of approval. You can never quite give them enough of your time.
They have their defenses up so they spend their lives pushing people
away, hurting them, trying to control them.
Another damaged emotion is one filled with fear. They fear failure.
These damaged persons are so afraid of everything and fear that
people really don't love them.
When the Apostle Paul wrote his first epistle to the corinthians, he
dealt with every imaginable kind of human problem and some which are
almost unimaginable. He talkbed about quarrels, party splits, court
cases, property disuptes and various kinds of sexual difficulty from
incest to prostitution. He talked about premarital relations ahd
marital relations and post marital relations He wrote about
widowhood, divorce, vegetarianism, getting drunk at the Communion
table, spekaing in tongues, death, funerals, taking up offerins and
conducting an everymember canvass in the church. But he began his
letter by saying he was not going to know anything among them
except "Jesus Christ and Him crucified" (1 Corin 2:2). This means
our Gospel is mot practical and gets right donw to whee we live.
Much of Pauls' letter had to do with damaged emotions.
SOLUTIONS TO DAMAGED EMOTIONS.
1. FACE your problem squarely. But honest and with God's grace
confront that awful, hidden, hurtful childhood that is haunting you
day and night. Acknowledge it to yourself. Tell someone else. James
5:16 -
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that
ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man
availeth much". Don't miss INNER HEALING because you are afraid to
face what happened to you in the past.
2. ACCEPT your responsibiity. Even though you are the victim, you
were the injured party, you have to accept responsibility for any
future wrongdoing. For example, if you were raped as a child, then
as a teen willfully had sex without benefit of marriage you are
responsible for that action. You cannot blame your wilful action on
the abuse you had previously. People in this category need to learn
to accept responsibility for their own actions.
3. WANT TO BE HEALED. Damaged emotions require healing. Do you want
to be healed? John 5:6. Do you really want to be healed of that hurt
or do you want to carry around with you like a hangbag and talk
about it? do you want to use your problem to get sympathy from
others? Do you want to use it as a crutch? Ask God to heal you! He
will.
4. FORGIVE. Uh Oh. This is a hard. WAIT! Are you telling me I have
to forgive that one that hurt me so, that abused me, used me, caused
me so much pain??? Yes I am telling you that. That's exactly what
you have to do. You have to confess it. Confess it to the
Father. "Father I ask you in Jesus name to help me to forgive that
one that hurt me so long ago" (or not so long ago). You NEED to
confess forgiveness for that one that hurt you. Facing responsiblity
and forgivng peope are really two sides on the same coin. There is
no healing without forgiveness. God wilol heal your damaged emotion,
but you must forgive first.
5. FORGIVE YOURSELF. Uh Oh. A hard one here. Stop blaming yourself!
Forgive yourself. So many Christians say, "Yes I know that God has
forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself". You must forgive yourself
even though you are the innocent victim. Don't hold a grudge against
yourself. Sometimes it is easy to forgive others, but hard to
forgive ourselves. Don't blame yourself for what happened to you.
6. ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT TO SHOW YOUR REAL PROBLEM - He will show you
how to pray. Paul said that we don't pray beause we don't know how
(Romans 8:26).
There is the fearsome foursome. Guilt, resentment, strife, anxiety.
These 4 produce stress, conflict, and all sorts of emotional
problems.
There is no forgiveness from God for our sins unless we freely
forgive others. Let all anger, resentment, guilt, anxiety go.
Damaged emotions causes ANGER. Anger that we carry with us
throughout our lives. Many have built-up anger in them from things
that happened to them as a child. ANGER is a root problem that has
to be "rooted out". Prayer will help there. Anger will eat you up
inside if you don't let it go. It is a strong and bitter emotion.
The word ANGER in the Greek is "Orge", originally any natural
impulse or desire or dispostion came to signify anger.
Ephesiands4:131; Col. 3:8; 1 Tim. 2:8; James 1:19.
As you are reading this, do you recognize yourself yet???
Are you one of these people? If you are, I have good news for you.
JESUS LOVES YOU and HE CARES. You have God's approval if you have
accepted Him as Lord and Savior in your life and you are trying your
best to walk in His ways.
You want to get rid of your anger? your guilt? your resentment?
Anxiety? Ask the Lord to heal you. Ask the Lord to help you forgive
those who hurt you in the past. Then you will be free from DAMAGED
EMOTIONS.
NOTE: Anyone disagreeing with anything posted here, you may feel
free to do so, however, please do not debate this issue on the
public postboard but respond by private email. If you have something
to ADD please feel free to do so. Your comments are welcomed.
(part of this "subject material" was taken from a series: "Cleansing
Stream" by Jack Hayford, however, only the material was used, but
the words and presentation are my own).
In Christ's Ministry,
Terry Quintopatruno, co-moderator, There is Power in Prayer
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