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| | From:  dmbarry777 (Original Message) | Sent: 4/28/2003 10:16 PM |
Dealing with tragedy and trauma
When a terrible tragedy occurs, we all go through a lot of
questioning, grieving and trying to understand this terrible
situation. The issues and needs that are brought to the surface by a
tragedy are far-reaching and can dredge up old hurts and traumas that
were not adequately dealt with at the time. These fragments of old
memories then mix together with fragments of new memories, cause
confusion and inability of cope, depression, PTSD and a whole range
of emotional problems. Sometimes it is only with the help of a
professional grief-cousellor and a long period of therapy sessions
that all these problems can be dealt with adequately and the healing
process can begin. But there are things that we should do to
cooperate with God (or a higher power) in our own healing process.
The main thing to keep in mind is that God allowed this to happen ,
for reasons only He really knows. If we can focus in this
perspective, it will help us to keep from despairing, as if the world
is out of control and we are all helpless victims waiting for the
ship to sink. So let's take a look at some things to keep in mind
when we are faced with an otherwise overwhelming tragedy...
WE MUST ALWAYS SEE THE LARGER PICTURE
We may not like what is happening, it may be hurtful, harmful,
traumatic, disgusting, tragic, destructive...all these things and
more, but God always puts a limit on them, and has a purpose for
allowing them to happen. And that purpose always is that ultimately
as we go through the trauma and learn how to deal with it, we will
come out the other side stronger.
And why does he do this? So that when others are troubled, needing
our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help
and comfort God has given us.
WE ARE REQUIRED TO ENDURE IT
Let me emphasize for a moment, the statement I made before,
"as we go through the trauma and learn how to deal with it".
Unfortunately, as with any traumatic experience, we have to go
through it... we have to experience it and to feel the pain, to have
our lives and our minds scrambled...we have to cry, pray, ask why,
get angry, feel abused, feel confused, experience loss and
lostness...lose sleep, feel like the heavens are as brass, mistakenly
feel that God has abandoned us or doesn't care about us, or that we
could have done more, or "if only i had done such and such", or "I am
inadequate"...and a million possible other feelings and terrors might
go through our minds during times like this...
WHAT DO WE DO IN THE MEANTIME
First of all, don't blame, criticise, accuse, other people or
ourselves. Rather view this situation as a "wake-up call" for
yourself, and for all of those involved. Even though we may have been
growing in prosperity or worldly maturity, God may be calling us to
start growing inwardly, spiritually, in dimensions of holiness,
committment and service.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE
It may be hard for you to feel optimistic about the future right now.
Process those emotions of shock, anger, deniel, blame and regret. I
suggest that in the midst of a traumatic experience or tragedy, we,
each of us, focus our attention as never before on the Person of
God... or higher power.
TALK IT OUT
Seek out a trusted friend or a very few friends, or cousellors at
church or other professionals..and ventilate all your pent up pain,
frustration, anger...all of it. Go to a private place and talk
outloud and verbally to God. Try to concentrate on your own reaction
to all of this rather than on the tragedy itself. You cannot find any
verse in all of the Book of Job where Job says, "O, my little
children, killed by a mighty wind from God", or any other reference
to the actual losses he suffered...but everything was a ventilation
of his own emotional response to it..good and bad; because that is
apparently where the real injury lies, in the thoughts and doubts and
responses of the heart to a tragedy. And apparently that is where the
healing lies also, and not in concentrating on or remembering the
traumatic event itself, but in dealing with the response that you had
to it.
For more information about dealing with grief and trauma, see:
The Grief and Loss Resource Center
http://www.rockies.net/~spirit/grief/grief.html
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One of my favorite quotes at the moment is "If you think you are going through Hell, whatever you do......DON'T STOP!" I have been reading the messages on grief and depression with much interest. Having lived through tragedy and trauma most of my life, I have come to the conclusion that there must be some reason for it, God knows what He is doing, and that my job is to have faith to remember that. When my three youngest children died in 1995 I had the opportunity to contemplate many things (especially since I couldn't walk because of a badly broken leg and surgery that took place two days before the children's death). One of the comments I heard from many at that time was "How can you believe in God now?" My response to that is "How can I not?" I have recently had an opportunity to be homeless, and in the third week of that experience my car broke down. It has been another interesting time in my life. I will use it, I will grow from it and I will become stronger. Sunday we had a lesson in church about joy and happiness. My opinion is that daily happiness is not true joy. You can be happy and not have true complete joy. And you can have true heartfelt joy without being happy everyday. I LOVE my life!! It has some truly hard bumps in it's road. But, I love it. I can never say it has been boring, I can never say it has been wasted. My trials and tragedy has helped many people. I have a wonderful family, my children have given my more joy that most people ever know. The children who were able to proceed ahead of me to live with God are an inspriation to many. The ones who are still here are fine examples to me of faith and unfailing dedication to what is right. Am I ever depressed? You darn right I am! Do I ever get discouraged? YES! Am I going to give up and give in? NO!! There is too much at stake here. Some days I have to remind myself that even though I understand and believe God's Plan for man, I still am human and my thoughts and feelings are going to reflect that at times. I believe my three children are happy and in good hands. I believe there is a purpose to all things. But, I miss my children and I mourn and grieve for them always. I know they are well and happy, what more could a mother want for her children. One of the things I tell people when they are new to grief is to remember that your grief is just that...yours. No one can tell you how to do it or how long it will last. The loss of a child will NEVER be okay. You will never get over it. You will learn to live with it. Does time make it better? No, time makes it different. Thanks for letting me share here.. |
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| Hi Suzieque: That is some testimony, WOW!! Thank you for sharing with us. I believe each of us have our own particular cross to bear for God knows our limitations. God can turn around what was meant to harm us to bring glory to HIS NAME and you just did that my friend!! May the Lord bless you and keep you safe. |
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