Dearest Monette,

 

wasn't quite ready to post on the general boards, but i just couldn't not say hello to you. I have a new email addy, [email protected] miss you all so very much........please say hello to everyone for me......i don't want this to be a sad message, but i can not apologize enough for my "disappearing" act. For a while there, we thought God was getting me ready for my last day here.....but the days the dr's predicted dragged on and on.......it was His will, not there's and i'm still here. The cancer wasn't responding to anything until they put me in an experimental group and thank our Lord, the interferon worked......for now....i still have cells and scar tissue in my liver, but it looks better than ever and i finally don't need a bucket everywhere i go cuz i couldn't move without needing to be very sick. Oh, how i cried out to God and i know he helped me.....but i needed you guys too, and just had absolutely no energy, let alone strength due to the meds. Then, well let's see, i guess i wasn't lliving where God wanted me to as the house was foreclosed cuz i was in the hospital sooooooo long (8 out of the last 11) and the medical bills had to come first as my kemo exceeded my insurance limit per person so it was all on me. Art did all he could, but with this economy his shop was slower this last year than in the last 16 years he's had it!

So, now I live in a very rural area with him. It is a blessing....but sometimes i think he's so scared i won't wake up....i find him checking me to see if i'm breathing in the middle of the night, hehehe...bless his soul. I guess that's why God put us together!

 

i'm not complaining....u know me, i'm really not....but that's not even the worst of it.....because i was so sick, when i was still home, of course the neighbors knew, and one of them called the children and youth people here.....well, they came in and we had a formal hearing....the judge ordered that in my current state that i could not take care of them properly as deemed by the state of PA.....and they would be sent to SEPARTE FOSTER HOMES UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE OF THE JUDGE AND MY DOC'S!!! can u believe it..........Art fought like crazy, but to no avail...thank our Lord, my father stepped in and told the judge they go nowhere but with him....the judge thankfully agreed!!!!! so, the kids have been with dad for a year as of tomorrow and then the judge decided to charge me with reckless endangerment of minor children....as in his words i should've know i could'nt take care of them properly with my health.....so, guess what???? I got the present of having to be on probation for 18 months, to smarten up, as the judge put it.........even when the kids are 13 and 12 and surely capable of getting dressed and getting something to eat if i absolutely could not!! Geez when i was 12, i had a part time job......we all fought, lawyers, the works, but the judge made up his mind.............................

 

You know how much I love our Lord.................and will go thru anything He asks of me.....but how much longer do i have to stay in the fire until I'm the "teapot" he wants me to be.....what is it i'm not yet understanding in His will.........some days i get so scared that i'm going to loose it....i get to visit the kids whenever i want.....but it's a 60 mile drive one way....and if the kemo doesn't make me too sick....my back usually can't handle 120mi drive......art goes and gets them to bring them here whenever he can.....but they're my babies.......i just don't understand....why did that neighbor do that, instead of saying, is there anyway i can help with the kids....nope, call the police and children and youth and say i'm unfit...that's the better way, right?....i'm soooo sorry to spill this anymosity on you......i just think my donkey cart is about to break, and i know He promises never to do that.....but i just can't figure out why i need such strength?? If i'm only 32 now, and all of this.....what does He have in store next?

 

Sometimes i just want to curl up on His lap and cry and cry until there is absolutely not a tear left in my body......I'd do anything to be able to see Him and just fall into His arms, just for a moment so I know once again without a doubt that I can do anything He puts in front of me....i just wish i had a hunch of what His plans are..........

 

i'm sooooo sorry, this was probably the last thing you needed to hear....but i wanted you to know that i still love u and this group soooo very much, I've thought about you this group and all in it every single day.........every single day and have missed you sooooo! I just soooo needed to tell you that....i have not abandoned this group......the "fire" i've been in for whatever God is now crafting me into, has just been a bit hot lately...hehehe...but i know I'll never leave the oven smelling of smoke, just as He promises! Ohhh, but please, turn down the coals, hehehehe!

 

I love you all soooo very much. I posted this to you, as i wanted you to see it first....but if you would like you may repost for the group to see as well.........i can't promise to be here regularly yet...........but every chance i am humanly able, i will.............I love you guys..................hope all are well or are on their way to being well, hope everyone's families are wonderful as well.........you are all still in my prayers and thoughts, that has never changed and never, ever will....................i've missed you and miss you.........................

 

all my love,

ALWAYS..........

Holly

Dearest Monette,

 

as i write this, i'm listening to the song "Shout to the Lord" along with many other Christian songs and balling my eyes out........my dad just had another heart attack last night....it was the big one , not to mention his 3rd.........he's scedueled for emergency bypass tomorrow morning.......a quintuple bypass.......oh my dear God, please don't take him away from us, not now..........Monette i just can't take that one..............ohhh how i long just to sit with you and hold your hand...........i'm soooo sorry my 3 posts in almost a year are all heartache..............but i just can't figure out what i'm not yet understanding from our glorious Lord........never will i turn from Him, but ohhhhh please lessen the burden.................i look so forward to hearing from you......somehow, i feel so close to you although we are so far apart and know each other to see thru only pics....i miss you and all the group sooooo very much....i pray everyday for the strength once again to be as active as i used to be.....................

 

so, how have u been? enough of my sob stories, hehehehehe.....as i know He got me to it, so He'll get me thru it, in His time................please catch me up on everything, well as much as you can or have time for. Monette, i'm not quiet sure how i can say this, but i truly do love you and miss you sooo.

 

never,ever forget that you are ALWAYS in my heart and prayers and thoughts......ALWAYS!!! (the rest of the group as well, hehehe!)

 

hope to "hear" from you real soon!

 

Great Big Hugs and Lots of them  ((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))!!!!!

 

All My Love, Always!

Holly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dearest Monette,

I know this may be alot to ask, but would it be ok with you, if when i feel up to it, i drop in and place posts as i used to? I miss all of you soooo very much...i asked my family to keep you all up to date, but looking thru the boards, i see that they did not honor that request......but then again, i think they had no idea what i was talking about or "how to get here" so to speak. Anyway, I was just wondering if, again, as i can, would it be ok for me to stop by, "catch up" through looking over the boards and leave posts to my wonderful friends? I still consider all of you such dear friends....i guess it was just my turn to go thru the really, really, really hot fire the Lord puts us into so that he may soften our "clay" and mold us into something better...hehehehe....well, hopefully, i'll come out of this a more beautiful "teapot", so to speak, hehehehe! Just want to tell you again how much i miss all of you in this group and how much i miss you, Monette.......the last 12-14 months have been excrusiatingly hard...but never turning from the Lord, i've gotten thru them...i don't know about unscathed, but i've gotten thru them...and like i said, hopefully the fire softened me enough for whatever change He has in store for me.....geez, i must need to be really strong for something He has in store, hehehehehe!!! Ok, i'll let u get going...just wanted to "touch base" again and let you know that i'm thinking of you and the whole group each and every day....as ALWAYS.....there was not one single day that you and the group did cross my thoughts...and you are ALWAYS in my prayers. Hope to "talk" to you real soon!!!

 

All My Best and Love, Always!!!

Holly

 

 

 

 

Dearest Monette,

Finally an email with good news to give to you.....remember Art, the one who stood by the kids and me even when i just wanted to find a hole to crawl into...and then to top it off, he's fought with and for me for the kids and  has taken care of me all thru this cancer debacle? I'm sure u remember me talking to u about him.....once i realized Eddie was truly gone to the Lord and i had to accept that, i started letting Art in a little more and more.........well guess what!!!..........He asked me if i "would do him the honor of being his wife"!!!............with all i still have to face, I can't belive he asked that.....i'm sooooooo happy for the first time in soooo long!!! I just had to share that with you! Hope things are going Wonderfully for u as well and will "speak" to you soon my truly God sent friend/sister! I miss you....love you and you are always in my thoughts and prayers!!! Great Big Hugs (((((((()))))))))....and if u ever neeed more than that, just remember i'm always thinking of you...and u have my phone # too, please don't hesistate to use it.....EVER!!!!

 

May God Bless You and Yours, Always.....as i know no one who deserves His blessings in abundance more than you!!!

 

(((((((((Monette))))))))),

Your friend FOREVER,

Holly

Dearest Monette,

 

I know i must move on.....but part of me still feels like i'm "cheating" on Eddie......if i were to say yes to art, do u think that would be wrong of me????....Please, i need your advice on this one.........Love u  Lots!

 

All  My Love and Blessings, ALWAYS!,

Holly

My Dearest Monette,

well the great news is still really great news; but the docs just told me yesterday that i need my neck operated on and the discs are seververly herneatied....and well a ticking time bomb..............i sooooo don't want to do this procedure, but don't want to pararlized from the neck down eitherl..........oh..........Dearest Lord, what are u gettting me ready for????.............please help with some kind words.....you always maake me feel better and i promise soon that i will gladly take my position as assistant manager and help the entrie group feel better...its just that right now i have no idea what to do and don't know why God is having me go thru all of this.........ohhhhh, how i wish He"d give me a break........but anyway, write to me when u can and know u always in my thoughts. Great big hugs!!!!!

 

Love and All My Best to you and yours..............ALWAYS!!!!

Holly

 

 

 

Hi Monette,

Sure do miss chatting with you and the group...... Missing your emails.... Then again, i am just not on here much...... seems as i get older i have less energy to sit and type lol.    my legs are just too sore at nights after i am on them all day at work.  

Still controling my type 2 dibeties with meds....... i do think its all the drugs i take that make me feel so worn out... heart, sugar, blood pressure,,,, collestral,, hyd hernia,  gout,,,,,, and more,,,,,, about 14 pills a day (prescribed).      Think i need to rob a bank to pay for them lol.      But you know WHAT???    At least i am healthy enough to enjoy my grandkids and my kids and my wonderful loving wife Bette of 37 years... Thank's to God for allowing me that....... i have been blessed for so many years....... and even more blessed when we were able to meet here online....

Love you Monette,,,,,,,,,, your friend,,,,,,,,,

Joker Kenny