Frankie‘s story....1963-1978

I felt numb and detached from myself when I placed the tall white candle on the table in front of me. The candle was given to my son at his baptism by our minister; telling me to light it and burn a small section for every rite of passage in his life.

I sat down, lit the candle and stared into the flame. I was feeling empty

and letting my mind drift. I was interrupted by the rapid flickering of the flame as the melted wax filled the wick well causing the flame to struggle to stay lit.

The warmth of the candle on my face comforted me.

I knew there was nothing I could do to change what had happened and I wondered had I done things differently, would the end result have been the same?

I sat there staring into the flame of my son’s candle knowing that I was in the lowest pit of emotional Hell that I will ever feel here on this Earth.

I relived that terrible day over and over in my mind until I thought I would go crazy.

My Hell began one day in April. I was outside picking a spot for an early garden and as I stood there taking a mental picture of where to put the garden I heard someone call my name. It sounded plaintive.

The tone of voice sent a chill through me. I Instinctively knew it was bad news.

It was my neighbor coming to tell me what had happened.

“There was a terrible motorcycle accident and your son was involved. He was the passenger.�?Her words hit me hard. I tried to digest what I had just heard.

My feet felt like cement blocks refusing to function. With her kindness we managed to get to the hospital without incident.

A nurse from the intensive care unit met us there. “I’ve come to prepare you before you see your son. “Believe me! No one can prepare a mother for that. He had suffered a head injury in the accident and the prognosis was not good. The strap on his helmet broke and his head suffered the full impact.

My son was in a coma. I sat with him searching for a place to touch him that wasn’t broken. I had to touch him. I had to say it out loud. “I love you.�?

Something stirred inside of me when I heard someone say,

“He can’t hear you when he’s in the coma.�?But I knew in my heart that he heard my every word.

He never re-gained consciousness and three days later he went home to be with the Lord, Jesus. In my solitude I tried to remember the night before the accident;

he called me from a friends house and we argued about something trivial and he hung up. That was the last time we spoke to each other. I was sick to my stomach thinking about it. I would never get another chance to say “I’m sorry.�?How was I going to live with that? Once more I remembered the minister’s words.

“Light his candle for every rite of passage in his life.�?

So, for all the future times my son and I will never share I was determined to keep it lit until his candle was spent.

It was the night before the funeral and family and friends were gathered giving support to each other. I sat in the chair next to the window, it was just after sunset and it left me feeling void.

I could feel my heart crying out to God. “How can I go on, knowing I will never talk to my son again? How can I say I’m sorry? Oh God! Please help me.�?/P>

Something outside caught my attention. I saw something moving in the big oak tree in front of the window where I was sitting. I was convinced I saw something there.

I looked again and this time the tree turned a bright yellow, then a bright Gold.

In the middle of this beautiful Gold I saw my son and he was smiling at me. I looked back to the room full of people and could see them through a mist. I was afraid and thought I was hallucinating. I felt compelled to look again. My beautiful son was still there and this time his smile was greater than before.

At that moment I felt complete peace. Then I felt a warm tingling in my feet that

flowed slowly through my body to the top of my head. There was such joy in my son’s eyes as he spoke to my heart.

“Mom I came to tell you that I understand everything now. I want you to know how much I love you, don‘t cry mom and please don’t worry about me.

I want you to remember all the good things and forget about the bad. I have to go now mom but I want you to always remember how much I love you.�?/P>

Then the bright Gold faded and the light went out. My son was gone leaving my heart full of love. He took with him all the guilt. He filled me with joy and an understanding that I’d never known before. Our disagreement was wiped clean.