Coping with the Psychopath/Narcissist Child

I am Afraid to be Happy!!! I am Afraid to Move On!!!! I have lost 4 grown children to N and they learned it from my P exN for years.......I also have a grandson in the mix.....that I have never seen in 3 years......the Marriage of 22 years ended in Physical Abuse.......all done in front of my children.......Not One came to my rescue........No One Cared.......I was verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by my ex and children......I was sexually abused also by my ex.........I tried everything I could to get them to see it.......counseling........school counselors......his family......church.......Nothing Helped.......It spiraled Out of Control......Logical thinking made No Sense to Any of them......They wanted what they wanted and they got it..........Me......Out of the house....Out of their lives........No Longer a Mother or Wife.......They directed all their Anger at me..........and I lost it all.......everything......and Now I am left to move on.........to Where????? I don't know......I struggle everyday with bad memories.......not good ones.......with their hateful comments.......and actions........that is All I See........and it Hurts......I am trying to dig deeper and remember times of Happiness.......when they were little........but it seems to be buried under their hateful words and actions.........I can't reach past it........I need it to heal........but Can I Heal????? I am struggling to be Happy........Do I really have the Right to Be???? Have I lost so much of myself........that I no longer exist to be Me???? I still deal with all these pieces of my heart........broken on the floor of my soul...........I see only angry faces......hear angry words....and see fists fly towards me..........I was a Loving Mother.......a Loving Wife....I hate violence........I tried to do What was Right for my Family.....Only to suffer at their Hands........to be Beat Down beyond all that I could live for.......all that I hoped for..........just to struggle to be Happy..........Am I sooo Undeserving????? Why do I Own This???? It is Their Behavior.......Not Mine........but they have branded it on my heart.....held me down to suffer........and then let me go to exist with it..........How cruel is this?????? I was a prisoner........and still am.......the Only Validation I received was "HATE".............It is a Constant Struggle.........A Constant Battle.........Love does Not Conquer ALL!!!!! That is What I struggle with..........

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Message 2 of 4 in Discussion

From:

KELLLL0

Sent: 3/03/2006 12:11 a.m.

Your life story made me cry,you have been through so much and do not deserve any of it.I think sometimes we look for answers as to why our children did this or that but sometimes I believe there are no answers.As hard as it is, you must accept what is and stop asking why.You are such a brave person.Stop blaming yourself, children are born like this and I believe it is genetic so there is nothing you could have done.It has nothing to do with you as a person, they are just like that and would have been no matter how you were with them.As difficult as it is,you are at least free of them and you must now live your life.You obviously have so much to give.Please take care and dont ever give up on yourself. Kel

Message 3 of 4 in Discussion

From:

dj7106

Sent: 3/03/2006 2:34 a.m.

Crewzer

May I ask how old you are? I think this is so hard for us all because we have tried to do the right thing and we still get crapped on. I think going over and over it in our heads is the worst thing we can do, but I know it's hard. Life is NOT fair. I am almost 50, my youngest is almost 18. My oldest is the NPB....(she's got it all). I've been working my ass off for years as a single (divorced) mom (my ex did virtually NOTHING but send me a few hundred bucks every once in a while). All my girls are lazy, but the younger two are sweet. The oldest has put me through hell for years. At any rate....It's MY TURN NOW. I've done my job. What I'm doing is selling everything I have and moving away (where its cheaper and I wont have to work so hard)....and I plan on creating a peaceful life for myself (what little there is left of it).(my health isn't the best, I'm an RN and I've picked up hepatitis from one of my patients along the way-lucky me) I'm going to help my parents in there old age, shun any and all drama, let the kids help ME for a change. If my kids want any relationship with me, they'll have to be civil, normal, and drama free...and they'll have to make the effort to come see me. So I may never see them again..haha....seriously. My grandkids are little so I'll try to call them regularly and see them as much as I can without my daughters involvement. This may not happen if she does'nt let it. Theres NOTHING I can do about that...it's like that old poster about ....to change the things I can and let go of the things I can't,,blah, blah...You know the one. I talk too much...but the point is..you deserve a peaceful life..because lifes too short...don't waste another minute of it getting "sucked in" to these kids b.s. We can vent here and I'm thankful for it..we can feel each others pain and empathize with each other...dj

Message 4 of 4 in Discussion

From:

angells

Sent: 6/11/2007 7:59 a.m.

Wow your story sounds alot like mine, I am still with my family but there are times they will all turn against me. My youngest son is16 and my daughter still lives at home . My hubby is a N that verbally abuses me. Now my N oldest daughter has once again the second time in two years called cps on me for something which is not true at all. I found out from my 15 year old granddaughter that she her mother did the same thing to her and she had to be tested for drug use , and she does not do them. My P daughter drops in whenever she feels like she needs my computer or someone to tell her problems too. Cps was at my door last week, and I think my grandson told her of some incident happened here so she had to start more trouble. At this point maybe I should just cut her out but because of my grandchild I have not done that. I have thought about just leaving town but I don't know where I could go.

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