Hi everyone. Things are quiet right now and thankfully other survivors listened to me and on the original site the offending member who was triggering me is now banned, much to the rejoicing of many of us. 
(I wasn't the only one scared/upset by her)
I am safe in my home town Kat, no imminent danger IRL(in real life). I just don't want to ever risk coming up on anybody's radar at all who's involved in that heinous evil stuff. They love finding ex-members and hauling them back in again!
(they can do that to a sane rational human being because most of us who were 'let go' to grow up for future harvesting as adult participants were programmed to return to the group when members used secret code words or colours around us--I escaped by emmigration before most of it could be set in but some I remember)
I do not think the original group that had me has a clue where I am now nor cares unless I were to endanger/expose them. Don't worry Kat, I'm okay here. But thanks very much for all the info. I will remember, and thanks for the prayers. I do believe they help. I use them alot myself.
Jan my problem always is that I forget to change up the font size when I write the message.
I see nowhere that I can change the font AFTER I have posted the message. It seems to be too late then. That was my problem, sorry if that wasn't clear. This time I remembered to up the font size...TA DA!
I agree Cylene that I have to put up protective boundaries which I find hard to do, trying to help everyone and myself last which is NOT a good idea. Yeeesh. Okay to help you understand I will below say a little about the group I visited, no gory details. Even so, read carefully. I will be as mundane as I can.
So far as a few details Cylene, to help you get what I mean....Um I could briefly say that when I used to visit him, a rich relative took me to a group of men (I use the term loosely) who used dog fighting and betting as a front for other activities. I won't even say the name of the 'club', but I remember it. There were all levels of men from bankers and judges down to cops, doctors and common thieves and some murderers in that group. Each was useful in real life to keep them all secret and protected, and doctors patched up the injured if things went too far and they needed that one to live.
Basically....sigh okay.....I survived what many I saw did not. (life is still cheap even today, particularly if you come from poor neglected areas, 25,000 people disappear in Britain every year without a trace, never mind other countries) My this is cheerful!
Okay, I don't want to put any images in your minds whatsoever...how to say without saying...um okay....I've seen torture, animal and human, murder, ritual sacrifice and bestiality and other things. Very up close.
Understandably alot of my current day phobias relate to what they did and how they got rid of bodies (if I say what the phobias are you'll clue in on that so I won't). My being related to a rich powerful man kept me alive...though at the time I did not know it. I fully believed them when they said they'd kill me if I ever told. I still believe that to this day truthfully. Hence I give no places, names or dates...thankfully I don't really know much. I was young and that protected me from knowing. It was all kept hyper secret anyways. I have no clue how I got there for starters, being covered up enroute(bound).
Well.....I think that's more details than anybody wants or needs to know, probably. Even saying just these bare outlines brings up sadness for what they did and what they put kids and animals through, and I admit there's some worry that even this briefly I've said too much. But truthfully those fiends aren't even in this country and most are probably dead by now though I have no doubt their successors continue their 'work', besides these groups work worldwide so my guard is always up.
Anyhow if I have offended anyone I apologize. I know it sounds beyond belief but any details will give you images you just don't want. (I don't want them either) Other RSA survivors I can talk candidly to as they need to know they're not nuts, or alone in this and that I went through similar. Understandably most people have no clue such monsters exist and maybe it's best they don't. I sleep with the light on and a guard dog. I can't seem to help it.
TC
Anyways no wonder I'm skittish about the whole thing and don't want to roil it back up again more than I can help. 
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