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| (4 recommendations so far) | Message 1 of 29 in Discussion |
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She sits and whiles away time lost in a world where time is forever still. The smell of freshly cut grass, heavens scent for her nose only and here she will stay until he arrives and her world starts to rotate again. She lies, full stretched, her face to the sky and her arms open to receive the moon on her lap and by sense she knows that he is on his way. She sits up, pressing her knees to her chest. He doesn’t hurry, he never does. Life is a casual walk to him but that is why she loves him. Still, in this time of waiting she can watch as the gentle breeze ruffles the hair on his head, watch him pause and pick a wildflower to give to her and when he arrives at her side the birds will begin their song, for nature, waits as well. You cannot begin life until the loving has begun and when he is next to her she will look up at him, stretch out one hand for him to pull her to her feet and then she will be in his arms pressed up so close to him they don’t even need to kiss. Because now he is here the world is kissing them and although she may not rule the world she is damn well sitting on top of it.
©EMG04 |
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Thanks Mikhail, glad the last two lines work for you - for me they were an essential part of the poem. Sorry if damn offends you David - although I am surprised as a self claimed athiest that you find the word objectionable - personally I find the cruder swear words more repugnant. Emma BTW all discussion on this thread is now closed or the whole poem and replies will be deleted |
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Emma - Please read what I said? I did not say the word `damn' offended me! I suggested to you, merely as a bit of a feedback on the poem, that the word sounded out of place in the context of the poem and that the ending might be improved by a bit of revision - please do not put words into my mouth. When Mikhail suggested that the word was harmless I pointed out to him the original meaning of the word and which explains its origin as an expletive. I do not think that censoring poems and threads is really in the spirit of this or other any site. I think it is a pity that you get so upset if a poem of yours is critiqued, however sympathetically, or it it starts a debate among readers. However I will not kow tow to ultimatums. You post the poem - people say how it was for them - if you think they have a point you can modify if you wish.
Best Wishes
David
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David - this is not about critique - I took your original comments on the poem in good faith and accepted your point of view. This has now degenerated into a thread about the use of a certain word - it has absolutely nothing to do with the poem on any level of critique. I am not censoring any poetry - but I have told you before that I do not wish for my work to be used as a level of debate and argument. If you want to start a debate - I believe there is a page specifically for this purpose. Emma |
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Hi Emma, Perhaps slightly cheeky, but we get to the end wanting to know what happens. It's an interesting read, and I think the pacing is superb. Katy |
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Thanks Katy, a bit cheeky lol - I wrote this for a challenge on the beeb a while ago - so thought I would give it an airing on this site as I'm not writing too much at the moment. Glad you liked Emma |
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| | From: Zydha | Sent: 10/30/2005 12:29 AM |
I so enjoyed this read, Emma, it is a little longer than many of yours and for that I am grateful, as it gave me time to loose myself in her moments in time, such gloriously contented moments that your last two lines simply made me smile and want to shout out 'Yes!' Happiness and contentment, in a nutshell of perfectly chosen words, Zy |
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Thanks Zy, I'm glad you caught the signficance of those last lines - because for me that was what the whole poem was leading up to. That moment of just sheer happiness. Emma |
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Enjoyed the sense of the instinctive in this, uncluttered with thought.
Pip |
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Thanks Pip Glad you liked this - a sort of breezy poem for me just wanting to enjoy a moment Emma |
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This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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'sort of breezy poem for me just wanting to enjoy a moment'
love the motivation Emma |
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FRONT PAGE FRONT PAGE FRONT PAGE !
: )lb |
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Thanks Peter, I liked writing this poem - I don't know, it was just a happy feeling, I'm so glad you liked Emma |
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Thanks Pip, I just like to write how I feel sometimes Emma |
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my dear lb - I think it must surely be your turn Emma |
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