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New Poetry Pge 4 : Ruling the World
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(4 recommendations so far) Message 1 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893  (Original Message)Sent: 10/25/2005 5:06 PM
She sits and whiles away time
lost in a world
where time is forever still.
The smell of freshly cut grass,
heavens scent
for her nose only
and here she will stay
until he arrives
and her world starts
to rotate again.
She lies, full stretched,
her face to the sky
and her arms open
to receive
the moon on her lap
and by sense
she knows that he is on his way.
She sits up, pressing her knees
to her chest.
He doesn’t hurry,
he never does.
Life is a casual walk to him
but that is why she loves him.
Still, in this time of waiting
she can watch as the gentle breeze
ruffles the hair on his head,
watch him pause and pick 
a wildflower to give to her
and when he arrives at her side
the birds will begin their song,
for nature, waits as well.
You cannot begin life
until the loving has begun
and when he is next to her
she will look up at him,
stretch out one hand
for him to pull her to her feet
and then she will be in his arms
pressed up so close to him
they don’t even need to kiss.
Because now he is here
the world is kissing them
and although she may not
rule the world
she is damn well
sitting on top of it.

©EMG04


First  Previous  15-29 of 29  Next  Last 
Reply
 Message 15 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 10/27/2005 11:59 AM
Thanks Mikhail,
 
glad the last two lines work for you - for me they were an essential part of the poem.
 
Sorry if damn offends you David - although I am surprised as a self claimed athiest that you find the word objectionable - personally I find the cruder swear words more repugnant.
 
Emma
 
BTW  all discussion on this thread is now closed or the whole poem and replies will be deleted
 

Reply
 Message 16 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameDave-would-be-poetSent: 10/27/2005 12:42 PM
Emma - Please read what I said? I did not say the word `damn' offended me! I
suggested to you, merely as a bit of a feedback on the poem, that the word
sounded out of place in the context of the poem and that the ending might be
improved by a bit of revision - please do not put words into my mouth.
When Mikhail suggested that the word was harmless I pointed out to him the
original meaning of the word and which explains its origin as an
expletive.
I do not think that censoring poems and threads is really in the spirit of
this or other any site. I think it is a pity that you get so upset if a
poem of yours is critiqued, however sympathetically, or it it starts a
debate among readers. However I will not kow tow to ultimatums.
You post the poem - people say how it was for them - if you think they have
a point you can modify if you wish.

Best Wishes

David



Reply
 Message 17 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 10/27/2005 12:49 PM
David - this is not about critique - I took your original comments on the poem in good faith and accepted your point of view.
 
This has now degenerated into a thread about the use of a certain word - it has absolutely nothing to do with the poem on any level of critique.
 
I am not censoring any poetry - but I have told you before that I do not wish for my work to be used as a level of debate and argument.
 
If you want to start a debate - I believe there is a page specifically for this purpose.
 
Emma
 

Reply
 Message 18 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToo_many_whys_Sent: 10/27/2005 8:25 PM
Hi Emma,
 
Perhaps slightly cheeky, but we get to the end wanting to know what happens. It's an interesting read, and I think the pacing is superb.
 
Katy

Reply
 Message 19 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 10/27/2005 9:13 PM
Thanks Katy,
 
a bit cheeky lol - I wrote this for a challenge on the beeb a while ago - so thought I would give it an airing on this site as I'm not writing too much at the moment.  Glad you liked
 
Emma

Reply
 Message 20 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameZydhaSent: 10/30/2005 12:29 AM
I so enjoyed this read, Emma, it is a little longer than many of yours and for that I am grateful, as it gave me time to loose myself in her moments in time, such gloriously contented moments that your last two lines simply made me smile and want to shout out 'Yes!'
 
Happiness and contentment, in a nutshell of perfectly chosen words, Zy

Reply
 Message 21 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 10/30/2005 1:14 PM
Thanks Zy,
 
I'm glad you caught the signficance of those last lines - because for me that was what the whole poem was leading up to.  That moment of just sheer happiness.
 
Emma

Reply
 Message 22 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamecrispleavesSent: 10/31/2005 4:12 PM
Enjoyed the sense of the instinctive in this, uncluttered with thought.

Pip

Reply
 Message 23 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 11/1/2005 6:45 PM
Thanks Pip
 
Glad you liked this - a sort of breezy poem for me just wanting to enjoy a moment
 
Emma

Reply
The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 24 of 29 in Discussion 
Sent: 11/1/2005 6:59 PM
This message has been deleted due to termination of membership.

Reply
 Message 25 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamecrispleavesSent: 11/2/2005 8:08 AM
'sort of breezy poem for me just wanting to enjoy a moment'

love the motivation Emma

Reply
 Message 26 of 29 in Discussion 
From: LittleBillSent: 11/2/2005 7:59 PM
FRONT PAGE FRONT PAGE FRONT PAGE !

: )lb

Reply
 Message 27 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 11/2/2005 8:59 PM
Thanks Peter,
 
I liked writing this poem - I don't know, it was just a happy feeling, I'm so glad you liked
 
Emma

Reply
 Message 28 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 11/2/2005 8:59 PM
Thanks Pip,
 
I just like to write how I feel sometimes
 
Emma

Reply
 Message 29 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 11/2/2005 9:00 PM
my dear lb - I think it must surely be your turn
 
Emma

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