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| | (2 recommendations so far) | Message 1 of 9 in Discussion |
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I can see the lit ember of your cigarette
Your shadow stark in the window.
The air feels cold and your side of the
Bed has long been left empty.
I hear the sound of crates being delivered
And the clapping of tradesmen hands
As they try to keep warm in the cold dawn.
The illuminated dial says it is 5.00 am
So I know its Christmas day again.
“Did it snow in the night?�?I ask
“No babe, its just rain and ice�?BR>You turn and smile through the gloom
“Remember we leave at noon today�?BR>I’m glad, I don’t want Christmas here
Or anywhere again. I wonder if our
Eyes glow with the knowledge that
Only we have for the day ahead.
Streets are always cold and cobbled
When you leave the past behind.
I feel the mattress sink as you
Softly lie down beside me.
The courtyard below is quiet now
And the glow of Christmas lights
Seem somehow jaded, I close my eyes
And they fade as your lips kiss mine.
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This sounds like a joyous escape, Emma .....I hope so Though I'm not sure about not wanting Christmas anywhere else either Jen x |
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I don't really know how to express the emotions I feel as I read...it is beautiful and setiments are well expressed and yet....I feel sadness. Mariaxx |
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| | From:  kayano8 | Sent: 12/23/2008 11:03 AM |
The illuminated dial says it is 5.00 am
So I know its Christmas day again “Remember we leave at noon today�?BR>I’m glad, I don’t want Christmas here
Or anywhere again. I wonder if our
Eyes glow with the knowledge that
Only we have for the day ahead.
Streets are always cold and cobbled
When you leave the past behind. Emma I am a fan of your style of writing the above lines especially stood out for me...such a sad write Emma but so well done...thanks..
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Thank you Jen, Maria and Kayo -
It is a bit sad - I think perhaps bittersweet - you know how it is with writing, you set out to write one thing and another just appears :-) So sorry for my lack of replies of late - Christmas has been a definite scramble this year, a total lack of motivation on my side that I've left everything until the last minute - I wish you all a most wonderful christmas - I shall raise a glass to all my poetry friends - and look forwards to reading all you talented peoples work again soon!
Emma x
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lol! I seem to be constantly trying to play catch up, too, Emma! This is very melancholic, but wonderfully written. I liked how you mixed in the dialoge(sp), it turns the feel of the poem from the stark image of the opening lines. I really enjoyed this one. Have a great christmas! Gordon |
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And you too Gordon, it can be such a hectic time, especially if you leave everything to the last minute as I do lol
Merry Christmas
Emma x
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| | | From: Zydha | Sent: 12/24/2008 11:58 PM |
Emma, you could so turn your pen to play-writing, this took on another dimension as I read through these amazing collated emotions, superb work, an have a lovely day tomorrow and through the rest of the hols, (and know the feeling, lol, nomatter how many Christmas's we have organised, time still runs away from us) Zy x |
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| You capture the finality of departure,Emma. Departure,in your case is always that little bit more drastic,because you usually have sea to cross,by boat or air. For me,your poem contains the hope that things will get better,or at least the male character will consider giving up smoking in the new year. Just think of the savings they'll make! |
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