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New Poems Pge 1 : The Graveyard
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 Message 1 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893  (Original Message)Sent: 5/5/2004 8:19 PM

The graveyard

There lies a lonely headstone
In a corner of a graveyard
Sheltered by a yew tree
And covered deep in moss

Yet once so long ago
A maiden walked this life
This stone just marks a memory
Of a young girls broken heart

For she did live
And she did love
Her heart to give
To love untrue

And if you look
You'll see her there
Silent tears just falling
Upon her lonely grave

Tears of remembrance
Of a life so cruelly taken
Tears at the memory
Of the man who took her life

Five score years have passed
Since that deadly deed
Yet still her ghost will linger
For her pain will live eternal

Emma



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Reply
 Message 2 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameEvaTS_67Sent: 5/5/2004 11:22 PM
This is really good Emma. I truly like the feeling of the poem. Brought back memories of walking through St Pancras & Islington cemetary in North London quite a few years ago - the old part of the cemetary with its tilted headstones and overgrown with grass and weed. Beautifully ghostly and sad poem!
I am not very good at giving criticism, but I would suggest you use "eternally" at the end. I think it sounds better, but then that might just be me. Wait and see what other people say.
Eva

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 Message 3 of 5 in Discussion 
From: LittleBillSent: 5/6/2004 12:36 AM
Hi Emma, I'd agree with Eva on this...great atmosphere you evoke here...I had a little trouble with the rhythm...and the last verse dosn't quite make it...(just me thinking...disregard at will)..but the overall effect is suitably melancholic....good poem ! : )lb

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 Message 4 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 5/6/2004 8:30 AM
Thanks Eva and lb
 
You are probably right about the last verse - I always have a problem with ending poems - not sure why, but the last verse is always the one where it becomes unglued.  I shall jiggle around with it and see if I can get something that flows a bit better.
 
Thanks for the advice
 
Emma

Reply
 Message 5 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBradeneSent: 5/6/2004 10:38 AM
Love this Emma, so eerie and has an ethereal quality to it that I like very much. Love Val xx 

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