The next morning when he went to work I walked around the house going in every room as if I was saying good bye to my home and everything in it.
All I had was what I stood up in and a small bag of clothes and essentials. this was it, I was finally going to do it, I was finally going to leave and get out of this hell.
My family were so supportive, if it hadn't been for them I'd have ended up in a bedsit or refuge. But I had something I'd got to tell them.....I thought I might be pregnant again. It wasn't planned, doctors had advised me against getting pregnent or go back on the pill again yet as I'd had a suspected miscarriage and they were going to send me to hospital to have my womb scraped out because of bleeding problems. Trouble is ex wouldn't wait till it was ok to have sex....he wanted so he took.
I had a pregnancy test done, it was possitive. I knew I'd have to tell him I was pregnant.
The first week back at my dads I didn't know if I was coming or going and I felt so down. Spent the week at the doctors, benefits office, solicitors, school and council. There was so much to get sorted.
He'd found out where I was staying and was constantly phoning. I agreed to let him come through and see our daughter, but only if someone was there with us.
We met at the park, but he was more interested in seeing me than doing anything with his daughter.
Told him I was pregnant. He thought I would go back to him because of this. I told him I wouldn't.
Told him I was going for custody of our daughter and I'd already been to see a solicitor. He didn't flip out and stayed quite calm.
I agreed to let him come through and see his daughter on a regular basis so long as someone else was there with them at all times.
Over the next few months Mr Nice Guy started creeping back in and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.
He promised no more violence, he'd get help with his drinking. He promised me everything I needed to hear and I believed him. Back to being a fool.
I moved back in with him. The first thing his mum said to me was " I'm glad you're back, he needs someone to look after him". Not I'm glad you're back we've missed you, you're looking well, congrats on being pregnant. All I got was he needs someone to look after him. I guess while he was my problem, he wasn't theres anymore.
Everything was great for a few weeks, then I started finding beer etc hid all around the house. He was even getting his son to sneak it in for him. He'd be drunk and still deny having a drink.
This time round he wasn't violent physically, it was mental abuse. So much so he'd only have to raise his hand or voice and I'd be on the floor begging him to stop.
One night I found him sat on the bed with two calving knives in his hands saying " I know what to do now, I've been told what to do. Then pointed the knives at me. I ran down stairs, and yet I couldn't run out of the house, I don't know why, but I just sat down stairs praying he wouldn't come for me. After a while he came down stairs and just nodded his head at me. He could scare me so much without even laying a finger on me. He'd got mental cruelty off to an art.
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