Sorry to bother you about this but I have a problem that's been bothering me for a long time now and I think I will feel better if I write it out here as I don't know where to turn to and I feel so safe and secure here, in this lovely webgroup.

 

I don't know if my problem is unique or not as I don't remember reading about anyone else here having the same problem that I do.

 

The problem is my mother. She's 77 years old ( going to be 78 this April). Her health isn't very good because of her old age. I'm her caretaker and I have been her caretaker for years now. I get her  medicine which she must take daily, twice a day, I buy food for her and heat it up for her, I take her places as she can't go anywhere by herself because of her weak knees and weak leg bones, I buy clothes for her, I give her money, do all of the housework, wash clothes for her, listen to her, read to her, make phone calls for her,change the t.v. channels, turn on the radio, etc. I do all of this willingly because I love her very much and she is my mother.

 

The problem is her negativity. She often shouts at me, calls me names ( Bitch !, Hey, Wierdo !, Asshole !, You Piece of Crap !,  etc. ), she throws things at me, slams the door on me, kicks me, etc.  She falsely accuses me of things which aren't true ( You NEVER do anything for me !, You never pay attention to me !, You never buy me anything ! , etc.) These false accusations really hurt me and breaks my heart because I do so much for her, on a daily basis. What's worse is that she calls up everybody that she knows to complain about me and tell them I'm an ungrateful daughter who never does anything for her. They believe her, call me and shout at me for being so mean to my mother. When I tell them that I am kind to her, they don't believe me.

 

She often tells me several times a day that I'm old, ugly, fat and useless and because of my ugliness, she hates me. She told me that when she was pregnant with me, she tried to have an abortion because she didn't want me. The doctor has confirmed this is true that my mother tried to abort me. She has told relatives about her hatred for me. It really breaks my heart when she does this as I feel no hatred for her. I love her very much.

 

The strangeness about this situation is that my mother is very sweet and kind to everyone else ( I am not kidding !!!!! ) and that is why she has so many friends and her relatives love her so much. I have one brother who barely lifts a finger to help my mother and spends his days flirting with many beautiful girls, going out all night, not working and constantly asking mother for money and yet she praises him to the skies (That's my boy ! That's my handsome son ! I am so lucky to have him ! He is perfect !, He is so sweet and kind ! ,etc. )

 

My mother's behaviour and disgust towards me baffles me. I have asked her what the problem is and her answer was " You are a good-for-nothing and that's what you will always be. You're ugly ( she's always stressing this) and I hate you ! Everybody hates you ! "

 

Because of her negativity, my self esteem and my confidence has really soared down ( not that it was so high in the beginning ). She criticizes everything that I do ( You dress like a  street beggar., You're so stupid that you make a moron look smart., Your friends are just freeloaders and assholes., Your face looks like a bulldog's., Your brain must be smaller than a pea, etc. )

 

Some of my friends have suggested that I leave home and get a place of my own before I go crazy because of her negativity but I cannot do that. I am the only one taking care of her at the moment and if I leave her, she will be in bad shape because she has trouble walking and cannot fully take care of herself. I have hired some caretakers for her in the past but she drove them all away with her meanness towards them.

 

I really don't know what to do. Any suggestions ?