I have decided to share my experience of a Dumb Supper, because there is not a lot of information available on the subject, so I will add my small insights to the topic. Granted, because it is my experience alone it may be meaningless or a simple curiousity to some, neither am I saying it was the right or wrong way of doing things ... only that it was mine. Ancestor reverence is always a personal thing, isn't it?
After spending considerable time trying to hunt down resources regarding this ritual, I decided to create my own version ... so if it does not match anything you've heard of, don't be surprised since I often work on intuition. For instance, not one version I found or spoke of working within a circle ... I happen to use circles when dealing with 'other' energies (especially in my home), I decided to do so in this case as well with the modification of a 'western gate' for my guest of honour. Because I enjoy working with points and elements, they are usually invited to the party, lol (I'm a nature child what can I say?) ANYways ...
Circle cast, personal protections in place, the table set with white flowers, a picture of my grandmother, candles, incense, a setting for one at the western seat, 2 glasses of spirits, a bell, pen & paper with a few divination tools.
Most renditions I found spoke of special meal preparations ... such as the deceased's favorite dishes, or prep'ed silently, or with this or that herb and candle. Instead since I knew I was getting together with family for thanksgiving, I chose to bring that meal home to the supper ... each of us placed a food offering on the plate (3 generations of females since our kids joined in) and set it aside.
The table was set in silence and as elaborately as any guest deserves with fresh flowers and candles, the meal was placed and the wine poured. Speaking from the heart I spoke a few words in my grandmothers honour and simply invited her memory and spirit to attend if she would. I rang the bell to commence the supper.
Its interesting what you observe when you sit in silence for an hour. At first I prayed silently and thought deeply of my departed grandmother, I made my peace as best I knew how, then I watched the incense and the candles burn. I had made sure to close the balcony door and window, so I simply watched the light and shadows in the room. Earlier when I was choosing a divination tool, I didn't think about it, just let intuition guide my hand... I ended up with my pendulum (and ouija board of all things!), 3 stones and my phoenix cards. An odd selection to say the least. I used the pendulum to establish whether or not I could have communication. It was put aside after I received a yes to whether or not my invitation had been accepted. I asked for guidance, shuffled my cards and drew one. I then spent more time sitting and looking around. Oddly enough there were 2 or 3 occassions when suddenly the smell of the food was overpowering (literally filling the room) ... considering the amount of incense, flowers and candles (and that the meal had been cooked and served elsewhere hours earlier), it just seemed odd that the smell filled the room so strongly then was gone. At some point or another in the hour each candle around the circle and on the table flared up (there was no breeze) as I sat an drank my glass of wine. It was a quiet, introspective night ... one that gives those that host the supper a chance to truly reflect on loved ones gone on ahead. I'm not certain what its like sitting and eating with a silent group, but sitting in the stillness allowed me to pick up on small oddities that may have gone unnoticed by a moving group ... things like the smell of the meal, the movement of the candles or when watching the incense rise straight up towards the ceiling and suddenly have it roil towards me in a cloud from across the table, ... small things. There is no given time allotment in any resources for the supper, so I chose to mark mine to the length of time it took the stick incense to burn. Towards the end I used my stones for a small list of yes/maybe/no questions, noticed that the incense was finished, then rang the bell signaling the end of the supper.
I closed off the supper with a few words. I then dismantled the settings ... placed her plate and cup outside... the flowers, picture and (her) candles on my altar. I put everything away then went and looked into what the message was from my phoenix card.
As far as new experiences go, I think this one was a good one... it did what it needed to do and that was allow the living to remember and honour the dead. Granted it is a little bit elaborate compared to some ancestral worship, but it is effective. A memorial of the heart, mind and soul .... a chance to interact once more. For me it was a chance to pay my respects and remember my grandmother, an acknowledgement of what she was in my life and a chance to wish her well one last time. At the very basic, the Dumb Supper is a gesture of loving respect whether its spirit or memory that attends.
Having now experienced this small quiet event, I must admit to a curiousity regarding a larger one or maybe one on such a night as samhain. Hmmm
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