New
Year's Resolutions: The Two Lists
A Message from DailyOM
Co-Founder Scott Blum
I was fortunate to spend time
with an enigmatic man named Robert during a very special period of my life.
Robert taught me many things during our days together, and this time of year
reminds me of one particular interaction we had.
"Now that you are
becoming more aware," Robert said, "you need to begin to set goals for yourself
so you don't lose the momentum you have built."
"Like New Year's
resolutions?" I asked.
"That's an interesting idea," he smirked. "Let's
do that."
By then I was used to his cryptic responses, so I knew
something was up because of the way his eyes sparkled as he let out an impish
laugh.
"Tonight's assignment is to make two lists," Robert continued.
"The first is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WANT to keep, and the
second is a list of all the New Year's resolutions you WILL keep. Write the WANT
List first, and when you have exhausted all of your ideas, then write the second
list on another sheet of paper."
That night I went home and spent
several hours working on the two lists. The WANT List felt overwhelming at
first, but after a while I got into writing all the things I had always wanted
to do if the burdens of life hadn't gotten in the way. After nearly an hour, the
list swelled to fill the entire page and contained nearly all of my ideas of an
ideal life. The second list was much easier, and I was able to quickly commit
ten practical resolutions that I felt would be both realistic and helpful.
The next day, I met Robert in front of the local food Co-op, where we
seemed to have most of our enlightening conversations. "Tell me about your two
lists," Robert said as the familiar smirk crept onto his face.
"The
first list contains all the things I SHOULD do if I completely changed my life
to be the person I always wanted to be. And the second list contains all the
things I COULD do by accepting my current life, and taking realistic steps
towards the life I want to lead."
"Let me see the second list," he said.
I handed him the second list, and without even looking at it, he ripped
the paper into tiny pieces and threw it in the nearby garbage can. His disregard
for the effort I had put into the list annoyed me at first, but after I calmed
down I began to think about the first list in a different light. In my heart, I
knew the second list was a cop out, and the first list was the only one that
really mattered.
"And now, the first list." Robert bowed his head and
held out both of his hands.
I purposefully handed him the first list and
held his gaze for several seconds, waiting for him to begin reading the page.
After an unusually long silence, he began to crumple the paper into a ball and
once again tossed it into the can without looking at it.
"What did you
do that for?!" I couldn't hide my anger any longer.
Robert began to
speak in a quiet and assured voice. "What you SHOULD or COULD do with your life
no longer matters. The only thing that matters, from this day forward, is what
you MUST do."
He then drew a folded piece of paper from his back pocket
and handed it to me.
I opened it carefully, and found a single word
floating in the middle of the white page:
"Love."