(Part Two)

 

Now that I have found how empty and hollow the penacle of my achievement has become, I have realised an even  greater entrapement and illussion that is the real nature of infinity and total freedom. The true nature of the ultimate state of enlightenment is that it is also the ultimate illussion. The penacle of enlightenment is the penacle of ignorance. Reaching and searching beyond the penacle of all illusions of enlightenment one discovers an infinite meaningless darkness. One realises that all one has really discovered and has experienced is infinite and meaningless illussions. The gift of true enlightenment is the realisation of the importances of ignorances. Realising the importances of ignorances leads one to abandon the cold, empty, and lofty penacle at the peak of enlightenment for the more comfortable and meaningful vast roadways of lowly ignorances. Taking this step disturbs me. I have done it endlessly and have wearied of it. I have likewise taken wing after this last step and have searched endlessly for more before growing weary, lost and bewildered enough that I experienced endless mirages of false ever growing granduers. The last step from the confines of all illusions to take wing into the infinite freedom beyond just seems to plunges one back into an even greater darkness full of endless mirages of greater granduer that is in reality only a brief freefall in the prelude to self-destruction. When one realises everything one realises one knows nothing. When the one who can realise everything knows that everything means nothing, where is he really standing and what is he missing? 

 

Hi Red,

 

That's sort of what I am doing. I'm concentrating on the here and now and about survival and increasing physical comforts, security, and experiences. I'm looking and working towards finding and purchasing a new and more permanent home for me and my wolfdogs. Its difficult because greed and selfishness and lack of community responsibilty and loyalty is at an all time high in this region and nation at the moment do to poor leadership, education, and values. Its every man for himself. I'm extremely intelligent,  resourceful, and driven so I'm still going to get what I'm after regardless of whatever obsticles or stumbling bocks land in my way. But I'm finding it easier to succeed and more and more necessary to follow the paths I have come to loath to get there because all other avenues to success seem to be deteriorating under todays society rules, practices and leadership. I'm kind of thinking endarkenment occurs for a reason. For myself and the rest of society. Spiritual growth seems to have slowed and all but disappeared for myself and many others. I'm having to temporarily abandon lofty goals and ideals as I struggle to survive. So is much of the world around me at this moment in time it seems. I'm beginning to re-examine everything and I am becoming aware of many holes and weaknesses at this time which have seeded me with many growing doubts. Its a difficult time and I realise it is only going to become even more difficult for me and everyone else. But I am beginning to discover its purpose. We are all about to discover some awful truths about ourselves and are going to be forced to confront them and get them under control in order to survive.