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Day 1 - Triple H admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Stacy Keibler. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Trish Stratus is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Big Show later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Edge creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Lita hits him with a Frying Pan.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Sydney Opera House out of Pizza. After much persuasion by Edge, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the Sydney Opera House task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Big Show, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Pizza. Lita is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the Sydney Opera House task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Big Show farts and blows Sydney Opera House over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Stacy Keibler cries.
6 - Edge gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Stacy Keibler admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Frying Pan. Triple H says he never wears condoms because they make his Abs sore and Edge agrees. Trish Stratus goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Big Show sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Edge.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Triple H goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Lita and Stacy Keibler are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Triple H.
9 - Lita and Stacy Keibler are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Trish Stratus sings them a song - "Sweet Kisses" by Nikki Webster to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Stacy Keibler out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Stacy Keibler leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Stacy Keibler's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Trish Stratus has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Lita is visibly depressed and is comforted by Edge, who tries to touch her on her Breasts.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Edge touching Lita's Breasts over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Big Show refuses to run because his legs hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Big Show finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Lita calls Big Show a lazy ass.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Triple H tells everyone individually that he thinks Lita is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Lita and Edge are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Triple H.
16 - The nominations are announced. Lita can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Edge is equally stunned and turns to Lita for comfort. Big Show is distraught and confesses to Trish Stratus that he thinks he is in love with Edge. Trish Stratus says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Edge out of the house. Lita says she is gutted and even gives Edge a clipping of hair from her Breasts to prove how much she cares. Big Show is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Edge leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Lita clipping the hair from her Breasts. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Australia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Australia sounds like but Big Show says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Triple H as the one who must complete the task.
21 - Triple H successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Australia but also God Save The Queen and his theme tune "Time to Play the Game" He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and Triple H tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Big Show and Trish Stratus are nominated.
23 - Big Show and Trish Stratus take their nominations well and sit down with Triple H and Lita to discuss why they voted for them. Triple H keeps quiet but Lita accuses Big Show of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Ass before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Trish Stratus out of the house and nobody really gives a S*@&. Trish Stratus leaves.
25 - Triple H becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Triple H's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Rhino dung using only a Frying Pan. Triple H is unsure but Big Show is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Big Show breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Rhino incident from his childhood. Lita tries to persuade him to stay but Triple H sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Big Show decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Rhino dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Lita from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Triple H tells Lita that he really loves her. Unsurprisingly Triple H nominates Lita to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Lita.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Lita accepts defeat as Triple H is awarded the money of $1,0000. Triple H goes on the microphone and says his usual Triple H promo saying "How damn good he is" which goes for an hour on Raw. |
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