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Hello bitty,
Sorry to hear what you are going through with your son, my P/N is my daughter (20 yrs old) and I suspect her oldest brother (25 yrs old) to some degree. It's been an ongoing emotional roller coaster with daughter dearest since forever...one lie after another and if confronted she dumps the blame on everyone else, usually me and moves out.
It's difficult for us as mothers to wrap our brains around our kids disorder(s), never mind trying to get other people to understand.
I send you peace
Dancer |
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Bitty,
I would find another therapist to take your son to is you are not satisfied with the results. You deserve to have support for the problems you are dealing with, not ignored.
hugs,
freespirit |
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| | | From: Jilly | Sent: 19/07/2006 4:56 a.m. |
I agree with free. If you aren't happy with the therapist find another one. If your son is a professional liar like my daughter you probably need someone who has experience with disordered children.
I'm glad you found this site. I think it will provide you a lot of support. It has for me. |
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My problem is that my ex husband holds the cards to alot due to the fact that we got joint custody but he got primary in the battle. He believes that this therapist is doing right and there is no need to change and therefore wont. My goal is to do the best i can in this situation and just hope for the best. My son is so good when he wants to be or i should say when he wants something and almost (hate to say it) evil when he doesnt. Does it ever get better? By the other stories it doesnt sound like it but i am hoping everyday because he is so smart( made honor role) despite getting suspended for graffiting the school walls. |
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I've read more stories and is waiting for my son to leave or be kicked out my future? Is that the fate of my son?It cant be... maybe i'm in denial but there has to be something we can do... isn"t there? |
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| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 10 of 14 in Discussion |
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It has got to be pretty difficult for you right now. Therapy only works when the patient wants to change their behavior. Your son needs to be diagnosed by a competent psychiatrist. Depression does not ordinarily lead to violence. Therapists and counselors are not medical doctors. My suggestion is that you pre-screen before you bring him in. Take your documentation and talk to the psychiatrist alone first. Accomplishes two things: you and the psychiatrist already have an understanding before you bring him in and you don't have to worry about him misbehaving or interrupting while you are trying to get your point across. Additonally, you can rule out other disorders. Your husband wants you to take him to a doctor, so he should be amenable. There is no cure for a psychopath...but if he has a mood disorder, the right medication can help. May have to try several or combinations thereof before you get results. I don't care what his problem his. ANY violence toward you is unacceptable. It will escalate is steps are not taken now. Regardless of his motivation, he can control his behavior since he doesn't act out around your husband. Depending on the diagnosis, there is probably a parent's support group you can join. Being able to unload and get advice from those who have been there is invaluable...especially if you and your husband are at odds. Hope this helps. |
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Unfortunately there isn't anything we can do...except protect ourselves from the chaos and destruction these kids create.
I have been round and round the circuit with my daughter and it always ends up being all my fault...doesn't matter what it is, I'm to blame. She gets her knickers in a twist and if I don't come on board then I'm left bloodied by the roadside...not any more. This last episode was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. The one postive thing that came out of it all was my oldest son's true colors were exposed and I have no delusions about him now...I know where I stand completely...and I know where they stand.... outside my life.
Like genie said there comes a time when enough is enough. the time comes when love just isn't enough and you have to walk away.
Sorry, wish there was some hope I could give you.... sadly the only hope we have is that with time we eventually move on... a little battered and bruised, a little less naive....but a lot stronger and wiser....
Dancer |
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Hi, I just have a few comments. You mentioned your son is 'afraid' of his dad? I take it that he is afraid of losing his support or worse, his love? There may be issues in the sense of what your son saw (or heard) and learned between you and your ex, but more too likely he is 'daddy's boy' and needs Daddy to show him the proper way of becoming a good person. IF that is possible. If Daddy (your ex) dismisses and invalidates you or your concerns and your son 'simply follows suit' then maybe Daddy needs to re-think his position in all of this and give son a bit of serious guidance before he develops beyond the anger and acting out part. In a similar situation, I saw a boy take quite well to a positive female role model (his teacher) and she was able to see his pain and work with the boy and his issues. Finding that ally can be a tough go, but someday your son might thank you. At the point he is at, and his age, he might be diagnosed as ego-centric and is acting out his hostility. Underneath that he is in pain. At the moment he may be diagnosed as having a conduct disorder. My suggestion would be to make your self aware of issues in that category, and make notes of when or if he has ever been cruel to animals (pets for example) or to other kids. Counsellors tend to minimize things and rationalize them away as being 'typical of a young boy in his position'. Don't let them do that. It serves no one to sweep the issues under the carpet. You might also try to make note of any and all disturbances at school and also try to stay focussed on what things he enjoys doing, hobbies etc as they might provide a distraction. In another case, I worked as a volunteer at a local YMCA with troubled boys in my neighbourhood... that might be an option, or if he is interested in sports. Somewhere you will find he will connect with something that can help to provide an outlet for his anger. For my son, it was hockey. Those are just a few of my thoughts, I hope you find them helpful. Bill |
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I really appreciate everyones imput on this subject. here are a few things that he has done and has happened to him since he was 1yr old. 1. He was molested by his niece for 2 yrs before anyone besides myself did anything about it. I tried keeping her away from him but when i would go to work my husband would bring him over there or she would come over and do it then. It wasnt till 2 yrs later when her mother actually caught her in the act that something happened but by that time it was too late. My son had anger issues at 3 and was throwing things( chairs) across the floor and having fits when I decided to get him into seeing his first councelor. my husband put it out of his mind until my son started to touch other children at 4 and my husband went mad and spanked him till he had welts. 2.when he got older... Id say about 8 I found him trying to strangle himself with his bookbag rope. after that he started taking his anger out on his brother with the hitting and punching but then one day I found him on top of him strangling his brother. Apparently it has happened at his dads house too. 3. the threats with suicide if he doesnt get his way and the constant lying and name calling . I tend to blame myself for some because when his father and I were together my husband would be gone all the time and it was just me and my son so I over compensated I think to fill the void of not having his father there. 4. My son has cut himself and tried to stab his brother even though he said he didnt. There is just so much more but i cant speak anymore because my kids just walked in. |
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Let me be candid here...your son is a human time bomb who desperately needs professional help. Get him to a competent child psychiatrist ASAP. Additionally, I would find a new therapist who specializes in working with kids who were sexually abused. Any rape hotline or crises intervention center should be able to give you recommendations. If cost is a factor, your county's social services should have the professional help you need with payment assessed on a sliding scale. Frankly, your son sounds like he may need to be hospitalized until his mood is stabilized. Your child's boundaries were violated and a lot of his rage may be tied to the fact that nothing was done to protect him. Though I certainly understand what prompted your husband to overreact, beating a four year old until he has welts is child abuse. Doesn't mean he doesn't love his son but his rage will not prevent your son from acting out. He is going to ape what he experiences. You have a hard road ahead of you but that if that boy is hurting himself, he is in a lot of pain. Providing him the help he needs to deal with that is the first step on the road to recovery. |
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