Go with your gut.  It is unfathomable to those of us who possess a conscience that any human being can be consumed by such rage.  Believe me, they're out there.  Sounds like the kind of guy who would push you off a cliff when no one was looking and then cry copious tears at your funeral.

     He is obviously preying upon you because he thinks he can get away with it.  Quite frankly, I'd show the letter to the police (and anybody else that needs to know)  and get a restraining order.  Show him you mean business.

     As for his potential for violence....they say the pen is mightier than the sword.  The mental anguish he can and will cause you with threats, real or perceived, are just as damaging as physical violence.

    

 

Hi Rose.pleased to meet you. We have all seen that look......we all know exactly what you mean by it....but I would suspect it was really reserved for you for maximum effect....so try not to react.... Whether the threat is real or not doesn't matter..you felt  threatened.so thats enough in my book.......you don't need this from anybody.let alone your own son. My own daughter quite possibly could have been a  potential physical danger to me.apart from the fact I am stronger than she is and refuse to let her make me a victim...so instead she uses the next best thing.her son.....My family has always been very close....now it requires some slight alterations but we can still function together as a family.we just removed the chaotic side and carried on where we left off. Whatever monies your son has cost you over the years..consider it a pay off...but make sure he doesn't get any more. If you cut off his supply, he is going to get furious with you........and if you continue to give him money, he is going to be furious with you cos you are in a position to help him.when he is superior here.and if you supply money, he will carry on ruining your life as long as the money is there..he feels no shame in asking you for it either.actually, he thinks its his right to ask.and his needs are greater than yours anyway....cos he is superior.We are all in this strange place together........and its a very confusing one.....which they play to their advantage.......you have a right to a life.....35years married to the same man....bet your son hates that idea cos he can't stick to anything for more than 5 minutes. hugs twink.

Twink, I think you are right and your advice sound.  We cut off the money flow about four years ago when I became ill and could no longer work.  I was a systems analyst and making good money so believe me when I say the loss of that income put a serious dent in the budget. 

 

My son is a master of manipulation and can be very charming when he wants to be.  He is also a master of emotional abuse.  He is trying to use his children as pawns but what he doesn't understand is that we have a truly loving relationship with their mother, his ex-wife and so will be able to have the contact we desire with her and those three dear grandchildren. 

 

I think I mentioned he has a new wife.  They are expecting a baby (on my husbands birthday no less).  The new wife seems to be nice but she comes from a very abusive background.  I know that there was physical abuse; I don't know about mental abuse. The thing that makes me so sad is that I doubt that I will be able to have a relationship with that grandchild.

 

My husband and I came to the decision last week to terminate all personal contact with our son.  It is a very hard thing to do but knowing how he operates and with the new knowledge of what he is, we are putting a stop to the manipulation and emotional abuse. I am fortunate to have a large and loving family who understands and backs me in this decision.

 

As far as his potential for violence, I believe that it is there under the surface and that at this pivotal point I need to be careful.  I think it helps that we don't live in the same town. 

 

Thanks to all for the input and support...RoseMaybud

 

 

 

 

Hi Rose,

Goodness me, how many of us are going through the same thing with our children. My son is 22 and has made my life hell. I really feel for you, and yes, I believe that detaching from them is the only way to survive. I can understand how you must feel about not having a relationship with your grandchild. Thats heartbreaking. We are fighting for legal custody of my beautiful 2 year old grandaughter (who lives with us), and he wants to keep her because he gets nearly A$900 a fortnight in parenting payments! However, he is unable to cope as a parent, and his partner left him and the child 4 months ago. I wonder why? I believe she was emotionally abused by him, but regardless, she isn't interested in her child.

Who knows what your son is capable of? My son is definetly capable of physical violence, and like yours, blames me for every thong that has gone wrong in his life. I truly believe my son hates me, he tells me he does. Why he doesn't hate his father who displayed the same behavioural traits, and walked out on his 2 kids and never looked back, I will never know.

Like you, I have agreed not to give him any more money, ever. He threatens suicide on a regular basis, but has never tried. I have been guilty of thinking that if he did, it would be a relief, for all of us, and himself as I think he is a tortured young man. i can't believe that he has got me to a point where I can even think that, but he has.I'm so sorry you are going through this. My stress levels are out of control and i feel very fragile and scared.

goosie