Hi save..pleased to meet you. I too have a P daughter.....though she is undiagnosed...who has a 2 year old baby. She and him lived here with me and the rest of the family and when he was 16months old she abandonned him with me. was a terrible time for all of us.except the baby, he didn't seem too bothered by it as he had always lived with us......I looked after him whilst she was at work. When she left him here, she said she didn't want him and please would I adopt him.......??????was such a shock...........I contacted social services.i am in the UK.......they were really good, gave lots of advice etc.....told me how to sort things out. Everything went fine then after 5 weeks of my daughter not wanting any contact with her baby, she announced she made a mistake and wanted him back.........I told her no..he wasn't  going to be passed from pillar to post at her whim..but, it was never my intention to keep him , more until she sorted her life out and by keeping him then he was safe and in a stable place......we ended up going through the court system.I was still in the belief that she was having some sort of blip or breakdown......or even post natal depression.we went down every avenue of thought with her..the doctor told me she was bad not mad.and that opened my eyes. I was  awarded a residence order...he had to live with me but as there were no reported incidents of abuse, then she was allowed unsupervised access and visits with him...........and of course, she ran..in breach of the court orders etc.....the courts, police, health workers and social services  moved the moon to help me......but..the law is the law and only the mother has rights. I don't mean to yap on and on about this.just thought maybe if you saw a condensed story it may help you. I have found the people on this site to be truly amazing.and will be forever grateful to so may here who have helped...even when sometimes they told me things I would prefer not to hear...lol. Good luck with this one.....don't give up.where there is a will, there is a way.and if I had to do it all over again, I would do.......I love my grandson too....and I still believe that when she gets fed up.as they always do.she will want to bring him back...which gives me a huge headache..if she thinks I want him, she will see to it I don't get him.....catch 22.

Hi savemy...people call my groovy, or blunty, either one is fine.  I know the heartache you are going through.  And in answer to your question regarding the suicidal threats, yes, it is a HUGE manipulation tool they use.  It's their "poor me" tactic.  They want people to feel sorry for them.  There are some that do actually follow through eventually, but not very many.  My daughter is NPD as well as Psycopathic.  She has played that card since she was 7 years old!  And she made slightly red scratch marks on her wrists all the time to make people think she tried to commit suicide.  She has openly told people she has no intention on doing it, but that she just wants people to think that to feel sorry for her so she can get things from them.  (sick, isn't it?)

 

My daughter is now 6 months along in her first pregnancy.  She is 18 years old, and purposely got pregnant to secure her boyfriend.  She couldn't keep him around any other way, apparently.  I'm sure it will end in disaster.  I cannot get to know her child, as I know it will be used as an object to hurt and manipulate me.  Its a damned cryin shame!  I feel so sorry for the child.  But, like you, if I ever think there is cause for concern, I will certainly go to social services for some action.  You just have to push them to make them actually do anything.  You do have rights!  I suggest excercising them. 

 

There is no cure for this mental disorder, so getting her help will not materialize into anything.  Even if these "N" people could admit there was something wrong with them (which they won't), they are too self absorbed and fake.  There is no cure!  The best thing you can do is run from anything to do with her.  Your grandchild aside, of course.

 

As for you having anything to do with how she is???  NO, don't think that way.  You were a supply for her, just as everyone in the world is to these people.  But you are not the cause of the problem. It is just something born within them from birth.  In their genetic makeup, so to speak.  Nothing you could have done would have ever made that any different.  I wish you all the best of luck with this.  Continue to post, because this is a great community of friends.

Twinkletoes678,

I know just how you feel, we did raise our grand daughter for over 6 years in our home, with the NPD, who is also undiagnosed.  We did however find in her school records the part of being a N.  CPS gave the child to us on Dec 29 of last year and then after talking to the abusers came the next day and lied to her and us, took her straight to the mother who she was terrified of, she since had been sent to her father in Wisconsin who is also a N and allowed the mother to come out and have unsupervised visits, I alerted the courts with no help, they don't know the terror she put her own daughter through in our home, we do.  We also have many videos of her neglecting our grand daughter and since then have hired a new attorney to help fight. It didn't work out with the father since my daughter terrified her about him for six years, despite our best efforts to stop her., she would do it at bed time.  We know how our daughter treats her child, the courts are being fooled, did you know that there are 5 dead children in Sacramento county and 2 were on the brink of death due to the fact they gave the children back to the abusive parents. We have made it perfectly clear that if something happens to our grand daughter they couldn't pay us enough to keep quite.  Our daughter has now moved from the man that whipped my grand daughter last christmas eve and is living with her step grand mother who believe that children can be molested as long as its in the family, her two sons are in prison for molesting a child under the age of 13 in her home, my daughter was also sexually abused by her sons as well, I have alerted the courts to this and they best hope that they don't allow my grand daughter there.  Always keep your grandson in your prayers, we will keep him in ours that everything will go the way they should.  This last year has been the hardest, I have not been away from our grand daughter more than a day till this happened, the system is broken, they don't have childrens best interest at heart, they believe that the real parents are always whats best. I would never call CPS on anymore of my grand children, I think I might take them and run, ha ha  best of luck and we will keep praying for the safe return of your grandson.  May god always keep him safe.  god bless  sias888

to sias.......so so sorry for all this.......I can't see how we can call ourselves a civilised society when things like this are allowed to happen to our children and we are powerless to stop it. Don't give up ......keep on trying to do whatever you can do.hugs.

Groovybluntgrandma,

  I want to thank you for your nice reply, I know that being a grand parent is hard enough as it is but when you have a child that is a NPD or worse, your conerns are far more great, as you say about your daughter who is 6 months along, she is playing the same game as my daughter, the baby is only a tool to get back and stay in your life, it seems they can't get enough of our love so they will find a way to keep on getting it, I would have never moved my daughter back into our home except the man she was with had put bruises on my 4 month old grand daughters ribs and the relatives kept telling me and my husband to get her out of there before he kills them both.  For the 6 years she lived with us she never wanted anything to do with the baby and we were afraid to put the child on her due to her abusive behavior towards her.  She doesn't know how lucky she is to have a normal child.

   I have been sick with worry and I don't think that will ever change, the only thing we can be grateful for is the fact that we bonded with our grand daughter, she knows how much we love her, and she knows how much her mother doesn't.  I hope and I will pray for you and your family, don't let your daughter manipulate you in to taking care of the baby unless you go and have legal docs made up for legal gaurdian, that was the one mistake we didn't finish.  God bless this site and everyone in it, I have a place to voice my concerns.  take care