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| | From:  Blueghost3 (Original Message) | Sent: 3/02/2007 3:40 p.m. |
My nearly 26 yo daughter uses an expression of love to bait her victims, myself included. She recently reunited with an abusive man she's sure is the answer to her money/material prayers. He bought her a $700 camera, since photography is one of her new hobbies, wined and dined her to get her back. She allowed herself to visit myself and my son, who lives with me, only twice last year, on son's birthday and Christmas afternoon, and showed up several hours late, past the time she'd promised to arrive. She delightedly showed off her new camera, meanwhile not bringing a gift for myself or son. I make good money and dont need anything from her, but I was hurt that she neglected her brother, just as she did on his birthday, no gift.
I raised this girl and her brother, my biological children, on my own, no child support, father long gone, putting my heart and soul into them. I homeschooled them from a very early age, used homeopathy and naturopathic herbs to keep them from illness. I have a college degree and taught them to read and write before kindergarten. I made sure that they had the best clothes, shoes, books, toys, etc. that I could give them.
This girl was sooo sweet up until about age 13, when the trouble began and only escalated from there. I cry when I recall how sweet concerned and caring she was. From then on, it was boys, drugs, staying out each and every night when she could manage it, telling lies to church members, family and friends about life at home and me. Ive never done drugs or had trouble with alcohol, though it runs in my extended family, have lived a good Christian life and really have gone over and above what any mother would do to give her children the best she could. I took my kids to piano lessons, camps, on and on.
Now this girl has reunited with her abusive ex boyfriend and wants to have nothing to do with me. Ive gone thru a very abusive marriage and a subsequent abusive long term relationship which my daughter blames on me. So that means that I was responsible for a gun held to my head and the trigger pulled several times the day after my father died, on and on, yes? I dont think so.
When I asked her why she could only bring herself to visit me and her brother only twice last year, she said that she was too busy, then she said it was because I fight with her every time she came to visit. Not so! I held my tongue when she told me that she is championing a meth addict to try to keep him out of prison again because he walked away from his court appointed rehab center. She gives aid and comfort to known criminals/drug addicts, yet she cannot bring herself to visit me and her drugfree hard working Christian biological brother who live only eight miles down the road? Am I stupid or is there something wrong with this picture? There is so much more to this story, but I really needed to talk with someone today. I spent the better part of the last two days crying my eyes out because she is back to her old tricks, blaming me and sundry for whatever she does. She has no feelings. I know that because I could see the totally flat effect in her eyes a few years ago when she was still living at home. I would spend literally hours talking to her about what might (and did) happen when she spent all night, every night, out drinking and I think, using drugs, with men of all sorts. Men would call MY house wanting to speak with my daughter, men I didnt know. By that time, she'd moved out to an older woman's house who encouraged this promiscuous behavior, saying it was my daughter's rights as an adult to pursue this life style, one that Id strived so mightily to teach her was wrong.
I feel better just for posting some of this heartache/poison thats been in my heart and mind for so many years. I feel that my daughter died many years ago. It would truly be easier for me if she had. |
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Hi blueghost...........sorry you are having such a hard time just now. My daughter is 20.......legally an adult and no longer under my control. I have come to the conclusion that she will do as she pleases and if it hurts any of her family then she will do it all the more.........She wanted to be free of us.she thought it would hurt us.we were glad she went...now she wants to find a way back to us......everything they do is about them.and winning. Its hard aswell not to blame ourselves.......but hand on my heart, she was never abused and I did my best in raising her in a loving stable family unit along with her 3 sisters and her father and extended family.she had the textbook upbringing......wouldn't have made any difference had I lived on the streets or not cared about her.she is what she is and who she is.and there is nothing I can do to change that. I think also they get a kick out of the present giving stuff...get so upset if they are left out but delight in leaving others out knowing it will hurt.such hypocrites!.everything they do is hypocritical.....one law for them and another for everyone else. Only one law for them as far as they are concerned..don't get caught...and maybe the aim of the game is to win win win. |
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I am so sorry that you have endured this and know well what you have been through as my daughter did so similarly.She was cruel to her siblings yet 'good' at church so I tried to get her involved with as many church activities as possible.When she hit puberty she started to point out howmany of her friends were already having sex, some she claimed since they were 12. I have a deep faith in Jesus and she seemed as though she might get saved and faked it at one point and I had hoped that somehow with enough exposure to decent people that she wouldnt follow the way of her friends.She acted as though she was disgusted with their behaviors so I hoped at least she'd stay a virgin, although there were many other issues she encountered. I told her that she could start dating after her 16th birthday, but instead she pretended she wanted to commit suicide and demanded I put her in a hospital. Instead I sent her to school and I sought help for her. As I was getting information on teenage mental health, she was in school calling childrens services telling them to save her from her 'religious fanatic mother' that was trying to get her committed!! She had twisted it so much. Initially they believed her and placed her in their custody for 6 months and threatened to take my other children if i objected to their keeping her. She wasnt satisfied to run away but was trying to destroy my family as well. I told them the truth about her but they didnt believe me . Her case worker informed her that she could go out and have sex if she took birth control and took her to a GYN doctor and then 'turned' her out! Then to cover their tracks, pretended that I had threatened the foster parents[which I had not] and they turned in a false report to the police which for some unknown reason, went into the newspapers saying I had been arrested for going to the foster home and making threats, which I never did nor was I ever charged or even questioned. I went to the police in that town where she was and asked for the officer that was quoted in the newspaper and he introduced himself. I asked him about the article, he read it and said "what do you want to know?" .. I asked if it was true that he had arrested 'this' woman... He said if the paper said it that he did~ I said that is very curious. He asked me why? I told him I was that woman~! he then backpeddaled and said it was a mistake and that he had gone by the word of the foster parent and my daughter and that the newspaper misquoted him.... I then contacted a lawyer to protect me and when we went to court over custody, they held the hearing 15 minutes earlier and gave custody 6months to the agency and I was not allowed to even speak to the judge~ I couldnt understand how this could happen in reality. I was a good mother and still am but they had her none the less. Within 4 months she claimed she was pregnant and suddenly a young man came to my house saying he was the father of the baby and that they wouldnt allow her to see him anymore and moved her and that he needed my help to save her and her baby!!! I called my lawyer but was told that everything was on hold for 6 months. Meanwhile she managed to contact her boyfriend and ran away to Maryland and married him~ The agency to cover themselves, 'emancipated' her and they returned to the area to live with his parents who took them to Mexico for a few weeks and when they came back she wasnt pregnant. I never found out if she lied about the pregnancy or had an abortion~ Within 2 months they were fighting and he was arrested for beating her in public and eventually they broke up before her 17th birthday. She never got involved with drugs or heavy into alcohol, but wouldnt come home after they broke up and blackmailed me to pay her rent and she went to school while I paid her rent in a town 120 miles away from home.If I hadnt paid her rent she said she would quit school and prostitute herself, so I paid the rent. Later she calmed down a bit and I would spend the weekends with her and she wasnt as abusive til she turned 18. God! what a nightmare that time was... Her brother and her were always very competititve and when she heard he planned on going in the Army, she impulsively joined first to show him up... After she got in she realized she didnt want to be there, so she found a young Marine and got herself pregnant and got out of the Army after about 4 months. Her Marine, paid for her divorce and they married and now are having their 7th child. I wrote about that on another post. She is a very abusive controlling parent. WE broke contact 2 yrs ago as she was also manipulating me and abusing her children in front of me to display her dominance. How can these monsters make it into this world? She was such a cute baby............. |
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Hi madonna.so far my P daughter only has 1 child.....she says there won't be any more.you think I believe her? Hope you can find somepeace in your life. I think P here was born that way and no matter what I did she would have turned the way she did. |
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| My daughter has moved in with this abusive man, so Ive heard recently. I've left voice messages on her cell phone since my first post, some of them angry, yes, but mostly trying to get her to talk to me, meet with me to discuss her lies, slander, etc. though I didnt state that. I want to get to the bottom of her incredible lies and for over two years now, shes steadfastly refused to talk to me about it. That alone tells me she has something to hide, else why would she refuse? Ive always been open and honest with my children, never had any reason not to be. |
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Hi blue. Maybe you should ask yourself why your daughter would choose to be in an abusive relationship?. Our kids don't have feelings like we do, they use people.....so why would she choose to be with someone who was nasty to her? And..its her choice. None of us want our kids to be in abusive relationships.we all want our kids to be happy and grow into mature and meaningful relationships with other people. We have to accept that all relationships with our kids are probably doomed anyway. P here has an abusive BF. He lies and manipulates..he is a horrible person and isn't worth speaking to.yet I feel her qualities are far worse. Ps BF lied to her a couple of years ago and she got someone else to beat the BF to a pulp with a baseball bat..now they are back together again... |
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