Thank-you.  Both of you make perfect sense.  I just wish others could see through "the charm".  Of course, I still am won over by it from time to time.

 

One good thing that has come from his moving away is that he can no longer manipulate us to the same degree (much harder to badger from a distance and he has to be civil and friendly or the conversation ends).  I think it is much easier to assess his behaviour when we're not living in the middle of  it.  We are better able to set boundaries and contigencies and life is much less stressful for us and our other children.  I just hope he does find some route to his own success and doesn't take down too many others on his way.