Learning To Love Yourself --by Patricia Diane Cota-Robles

It is an immutable natural Law that in order for us to be capable of Loving any other part of life-any person, place, condition or thing-WE MUST FIRST LOVE OURSELVES. In my perception, the overwhelming, underlying factor in the failures, challenges and painful experience we are enduring is a deep-seated, ingrained belief of unworthiness and low self-esteem. Most of us on many levels do not feel valuable or deserving of the joy of life. We may intellectually desire it, but deep inside we don’t really believe we will ever experience it.

It is time for us to release these distorted beliefs, these lies about ourselves that we have fabricated. These erroneous beliefs prevent us from reaching our highest potential and block our natural God-given heritage of happiness, prosperity, health, loving relationships, fulfilling jobs and abounding joy.

When we lift up in consciousness into the Realms of Illumined Truth, we perceive with greater clarity just how these distorted belief systems about ourselves were formed. There are several factors involved, and as we understand them, we will willingly and gladly let go of our negative self images and accept our true reality as Sons and Daughters of God.

Our life, at any given moment, is a reflection of our behavior patterns: our thoughts, words, actions, feelings and beliefs. We are always a sum total of everything we have ever experienced since our inception. As we sojourn through life’s challenges, we accumulate a variety of emotions and feelings. Each of us has, at one time or another, undergone the gamut of emotions from bliss to despair. When these emotions are named-happiness, love, comfort, joy or anger, pain, humiliation, rejection, etc., we often recall the incident and the person whom we consider responsible for evoking such feelings. We can easily remember because the occurrence is recorded clearly in our Etheric Body where it continually pulsates at a subconscious level.

Our Etheric Body is one of the most important, but probably the least understood, of our four lower bodies. It is known as the “seat of all memory,�?and all of our experiences are recorded within the etheric substance of this vehicle. The Etheric Body is an energy field that interpenetrates every cell and organ of our Physical Body, and it extends a little beyond our body’s perimeter. It is comprised of various chemical ethers, and the radiance of this vehicle is often referred to as the aura. Every thought, word, action or feeling we send forth passes through the Etheric Body on an electromagnetic current of energy very similar to a television or radio wave. The frequency of vibration of each current of energy is recorded in the very sensitive chemical ethers of this vehicle.

The records and memories of everything we have ever experienced resonate at a subconscious level in our Etheric Body, and as we sojourn through life, our day-to-day activities periodically activate these memories and bring them to the surface of our conscious mind. It is important that we clearly understand this process because it will reveal to us how our previous experiences and attitudes keep interjecting themselves into our present life situations. This confuses the present issue and keeps us stuck in the past, which prevents us from moving forward.

As an example, when we are born, we are very self-centered, and from our perception as an infant, we believe the World revolves around us. Babies are like little sponges, and they absorb everything that is going on in their environment. They are constantly forming opinions about what the World is like, according to the way they are treated. If they are Loved and nurtured, they observe the World to be safe and friendly. If babies are abused and neglected, they observe the World to be hostile and cruel. Each day children go through a multitude of emotions and feelings, and each and every one of these feelings is recorded in the Etheric Body.

As this process continues day after day, the accumulated experiences begin to form a pattern. For instance, if a child is continually abused, s/he will interpret that experience according to his/her wisdom and understanding at the time of the incident. From a child’s frame of mind, adults appear “all knowing�?and rather God-like. Consequently, if an adult is abusing the child, the child will think that there must be something very wrong with him/herself. S/he believes that s/he is bad, no good, worthless. These feelings are very painful, and they leave a powerful vibration of worthlessness in the child’s Etheric Body.

As the abused child continues his/her journey through life, s/he may experience other situations that s/he interprets as rejection, failure or an indication of his/her lack of value as a Human Being. As these feelings pass through his/her Etheric Body, they amplify the vibrations of worthlessness recorded there and gradually, day in and day out, as these destructive, distorted beliefs build in momentum, the child starts forming a sense of identity and begins accepting these erroneous concepts as Truth. This self- destructive belief of worthlessness becomes an ingrained pattern, and the child then begins to behave in a manner that will confirm his/her belief system.

Whatever we believe about ourselves at a deep inner level, we will continually manifest in our lives. If we believe we are worthless, no matter what opportunities are presented to us in the way of successful education, Loving relationships, fulfilling jobs, etc., we will find a way to sabotage ourselves and fail, because to succeed would be in conflict with who we believe we are. Once we accept an identity, regardless of how distorted it may be, we hold on to it for dear life because the fear of finding out who we really are is too great.

If we will each think back as far as we can remember and just observe, in a detached manner, the number of times we didn’t feel good about ourselves, we can easily see how our low self-esteem was formed. Even children raised in fairly harmonious family situations have all kinds of distorted programming because children don’t always interpret situations accurately. We all have records of past hurt, resentment, anger, fear, jealousy, doubt, pain and sadness. We have memories of things that made us feel bad about ourselves, not valuable, unimportant-experiences that robbed us of our dignity, our self- respect, our self-esteem. As we reflect over our pasts, it is easy for us to see that we all have extensive misqualified feelings and thoughts recorded in our etheric memories. Now, as adults, we can review our pasts, and with greater awareness, perceive the error of our childhood perceptions. We can intellectualize that our abuser was wrong or that the situation did not mean we were bad or worthless, but that mental activity doesn’t do anything to change the vibrations or the patterns and beliefs recorded in our Etheric Bodies.

Therefore, through sheer mindforce, we can convince ourselves for awhile that we are “okay,�?but as soon as a difficult circumstance challenges our confidence, those old records are activated, and our failure consciousness of unworthiness is catapulted forth onto the present situation. We thus travel through life dragging the excess baggage of our pasts with us. We hold onto the distorted belief patterns of who we think we are and proceed to magnetize people and situations into our lives who will confirm for us our beliefs that we are not valuable or worthy. This vicious circle has been a normal mode of operation for literally centuries. It is a behavior pattern that must now cease.

In order for us to be truly FREE to fulfill our Divine Plans, our purpose and reason for Being, we must Transmute our distorted concepts and accept the reality of our God Selves. In Truth, all feelings of low self-esteem, unworthiness, failure, loneliness, rejection, etc., are nothing more than separation from God. When we lift up and reunite with our God Selves, all feelings of unworthiness drop away. Low self-esteem cannot be sustained in the Presence of God’s abundant Light.

Our relationships are mirror reflections of our consciousness. Whether they are wonderful or destructive or a combination of both, at any given moment, they are reflecting what we are sending out through our thoughts, words, actions, feelings and beliefs. I know this is one of the most difficult concepts to accept, but as we learn more about the complexity of our Beings, we begin to clearly perceive the Truth of that statement.

We live, move and breathe within an electromagnetic forcefield of energy. Daily, this forcefield is created and sustained by our thoughts, attitudes, emotions, actions, frame of mind, beliefs, etc. All four of our lower bodies contribute to this forcefield that surrounds us: physical, etheric, mental and emotional. This electromagnetic forcefield is just as the name implies-MAGNETIC. Consequently, it magnetizes energy to itself that is vibrating at the same frequency.

Every single person on the Planet is evolving within his/her own self-created electromagnetic forcefield. Once we understand this reality, it makes it easier for us to recognize how our relationships reflect our consciousness. For example, if we are suffering from ingrained beliefs of low self-esteem and unworthiness, those distorted vibrations will fill our forcefield and magnetize to us other people whose forcefields are also vibrating with low self-esteem and unworthiness. When our forcefield enters the forcefield of the other person, the discordant vibrations are amplified for both of us. This makes us very uncomfortable, and we begin to feel that we don’t like each other. We may even argue or attack the other person verbally.

If we are feeling good about ourselves and our forcefield is filled with Love, we will magnetize to ourselves someone who is also content with who they are. As we enter each other’s forcefield, these positive feelings are amplified, and we feel very comfortable with each other.

Now, in these two examples, I have greatly simplified the process, but that is the essence of what occurs.

We must realize that every person on the Planet has myriad frequencies pulsating in their forcefield from all of their Earthly experiences. Therefore, our relationships are very complex. Sometimes the same person can amplify within us positive and negative frequencies at the same time, thus creating a Love-hate relationship.

The advantage of having this knowledge is that we can now use our relationships as wonderful tools and opportunities for growth. By observing how we feel about the people in our lives, we can determine what we are feeling about ourselves. Often we are oblivious to our true feelings. Because life has been so painful, we have numbed ourselves as a means of survival. But now, with greater insight, we can observe every facet of our relationships and know that the way we feel about each person is reflecting some aspect of ourselves.

When someone “pushes our buttons,�?it means they are amplifying a frequency in our own energy field that we are not comfortable with. If we didn’t have that particular frequency in our forcefield, they could not “push our buttons.�?I know this is difficult to accept, because when someone is a source of irritation for us, the last thing we want to see is any comparison to ourselves in their behavior. But, the only reason people affect us in an adverse way is because, at some level, we are buying into what they are saying or doing. At some level we are believing them even if we are fighting tooth and nail to deny it. If we really didn’t believe what they were saying, it wouldn’t have the same effect on us.

With this wisdom, we can evaluate all of our relationships: parents, spouses, children, relatives, friends, lovers, co-workers, employers, associates, casual relationships and all of Humanity. We can observe where we are buying into destructive beliefs and where we are giving our power away. Then, we can Transmute our electromagnetic forcefield by reprogramming our self-concepts and self-images. As we recognize and accept our true God Reality and release all negative beliefs about ourselves, we will see our feelings and attitudes toward our relationships changing miraculously. When our forcefield is filled only with Love, our relationships will reflect that LOVE.

People truly treat us and perceive us the way we perceive ourselves. If we don’t like the way people are treating us, we need only to Love ourselves more, and our relationships will be transformed. Experiment with this Truth, and you will create for yourself the Loving relationships you have been desiring.

Naturally, this doesn’t mean that every single person we come in contact with will automatically express only Love and Light with every thought and word, but it does mean that we will stop giving our power away to people. When we Love and respect ourselves, they will no longer have the ability to affect us in an adverse way simply because we will no longer buy into their behavior or take it personally. We don’t have control over the things people say or do, but we have absolute control over how we choose to let their words and actions affect us. When we allow people the space to be who they are without allowing them to affect us adversely, we will have truly accomplished the goal of taking our power back. We will Love ourselves and amplify the Love in the other person. Hence, they will be lifted up out of their negative feelings to a degree, and gradually, they will begin to believe they are valuable also. This will improve our relationships all the way around.

Occasionally, we may be in a relationship that is abusive or violent. Sometimes we have such a low opinion of ourselves that we magnetize someone into our lives who will “punish�?us in a way we subconsciously feel we deserve to be punished. This is not an uncommon pattern in people who were abused as children. Needless to say, anyone who abuses another person, either physically, mentally or emotionally is not Loving or respecting him/herself. People who are so severely programmed may not be able to start Loving themselves just by experiencing our Love. As we begin to Love ourselves, however, we will extricate ourselves from abusive situations. We will no longer tolerate violence or abuse of any kind.

Sometimes, the fear of leaving a relationship is greater than the fear of abuse, but I promise you, when you begin Loving yourself, you will magnetize such wonderful people into your life that you will gladly let go of destructive relationships.

 

---

I am a counselor, and one of the things I have people do to begin Loving themselves more is to write a list of all of the wonderful qualities they possess. Sometimes people feel so bad about themselves, they cannot come up with even one positive trait. In that case I have them look at all of the people they Love and admire and list the qualities they appreciate in those people. The reality is that our relationships are mirror reflections of ourselves. Consequently, for us to even recognize and appreciate particular wonderful qualities in other people means, at some level, those qualities resonate as Truth within us, regardless of how oblivious we may be to them.

The only reason we believe we are stupid or worthless or failures is because we affirmed those lies to ourselves over and over again throughout our lifetime. Now, to reprogram ourselves, we must begin daily affirming the TRUTH.

It is time now to take that exercise a step further and reach into an even higher level of our potential. Instead of just listing the things we Love and respect about ourselves or writing down the things we Love and respect in other people, we need to tap our limitless God Selves. Before beginning your list, quiet yourself and take time to feel centered and connected with your Heart. Feel the Love of God flowing through the Stargate of your Heart and say to yourself, “If I have no limitations-no time and space limitations, no family limitations, no financial limitations, etc., and I could instantly be the most positive, whole, complete, successful, prosperous, effective Loving Human Being on Earth, who would I be, and what would I do?�?Then begin writing down the thoughts that flow into your mind. Write them in the present tense beginning each statement with I AM. Don’t feel self-centered or conceited. Don’t censure or edit your thoughts; just allow the creative ideas to surge forth. Let go of any nagging thoughts of self-ridicule or self-doubt, and let the vision you are experiencing register in your feelings.

There is an expression that states, “What the mind can conceive, the person can achieve,�?but the Truth is that the most glorious, perfect person you can possibly imagine being in this moment is going to barely scratch the surface of who you really are and who you are capable of becoming. This list will serve as the blueprint and the beginning thoughtform for the “new you.�?This will be the new program, the new belief system and the new sense of identity you will start emulating, but it is just the beginning. As you focus on this wonderful vision of yourself, it will grow and evolve.

Remember, whatever you put your attention and energy into, you bring into form. Whoever you believe you are, you become. Our thoughts are creative. so, what you are actually doing is creating a new program that you will put into the computer of your brain to reprogram your old patterns of unworthiness and low self-esteem. Your brain really is your computer system and you know the expression in computer talk, “garbage in, garbage out.�?Well, that is exactly what you have been doing. Now, it’s time to remove the old floppy disc with the eroneous program on it, and replace it with a wonderful new floppy disc program. You need to focus on your list everyday, and affirm the Truth of your vision with deep feeling. You need to let go of all disbelief, and ask your God Self to Transmute all resistance, all interference, all blocks, all doubts that are, in any way, preventing you from manifesting the vision of the “new you.�?As this vision begins to register in your feelngs as a true identity, you will act out of this new sense of identity, and you will actually become your vision.

In the beginning, your vision will just feel like empty words. You’ll hear the voice of your lower human ego saying, “Who do you think you’re kidding?�?But, continue to repeat the affirmations everyday anyway. You must “fake it till you make it.�?Remember, the only reason you have low self-esteem is because you, or other people in your life, affirmed that you were worthless over and over again until it finally began to register as Truth, and you eventually accepted that lie as a sense of identity. Now you are doing the opposite. You are going to be affirming the TRUTH of your innate value as a Son or Daughter of God with limitless potential, and day-by-day this identity will begin registering as real.

To accelerate the process of removing the old negative program, you must utilize the gift of the precious Violet Flame of Limitless Transmutation. Constantly ask your God Presence to blaze the Violet Fire in, through and around every thought, word, action or feeling you have ever experienced that is in any way preventing you from becoming the reality of your new image. Ask that the cause, core, effect, record and memory of low self-esteem be instantly Transmuted into Light. And, begin to accept and know the Truth of who you are.

The following is an example to give you an idea of what your list might include, but every person is unique, and only your God Presence can reveal to you your perfect vision and blueprint, so be sure and make your own list.

I AM recognizing who I AM, and I Love and respect myself.

I AM continually manifesting wonderful, Loving relationships in my life.

I AM expressing Limitless Physical Perfection, slim, firm, flawless form, Eternal Youth, Vibrant Health, Radiant Beauty, perfect eating and drinking habits.

I AM Divine respect for my four lower bodies: physical, etheric, mental and emotional.

I AM Loving every aspect of myself, including my sexuality.

I AM in a fulfilling, creative and financially rewarding job.

I AM open and receptive to God’s Limitless flow of Abundance.

I AM an exponent and example of Divine Family Life, including my place in the family of Humanity.

I AM expressing my highest potential as a daughter/son; wife/husband; mother/father; grandmother/grandfather; sister/brother; woman/man; friend; relative; co-worker; Human Being; Earth steward; Lightworker; teacher; example; wayshower and integrator of Heaven and Earth, Angels and Elementals.

I AM Divine Happiness, Humor, Laughter, Joy and Fun.

I AM Divine Confidence, Self-Esteem, Trust, Integrity, Honesty, Truth, Reverence for all Life, Acceptance, Tolerance and Inner Knowing.

I AM Divine thoughts, words, actions and feelings.

I AM Divine Illumination, perfect speech, communication, listening, writing and learning.

I AM Transfiguration, Limitless Transmutation, Hope, Ascension and every other conceivable Divine Quality of God.

I AM the perfect manifestation of my Divine Plan and the Divine Plan of Beloved Mother Earth and all Creation.

I AM in constant communication with the Realms of Eternal Truth and the Divine Heart and Mind of God.

I AM permanently manifesting, in my daily, tangible life, the perfection of Heaven on Earth.

I AM an exponent of Divine Government, human rights, animal rights, Mother Earth’s rights and Liberation and Freedom.

I AM perpetually held in the embrace of God’s invincible Protection, and with every breath I take, I AM expanding the borders of the Kingdom of my Father-Mother God.

 

---

Learning to Love yourself is a process that will require every bit of your patience, acceptance and tolerance. It will require the full power of your attention and your constant thoughts and feelings. You cannot change a lifetime, probably hundreds of lifetimes of believing you are worthless, into recognizing you are actually a Divine Being with limitless potential, by just affirming the positive vision of the “new you�?for five minutes a day.

We are such creatures of habit that if we aren’t consciously focusing on what we want to manifest in our lives and monitoring our thoughts and feelings constantly, in no time, we will fall back into the dysfunctional patterns of self-flagellation. Obviously, if you affirm your value and self-worth for five minutes a day and then beat yourself up for the rest of the day, you’re not going to succeed in changing your self-image. Remember, “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.�?You must consistently, throughout the day, monitor your thoughts and ask yourself, “What am I thinking and feeling about myself now?...and how about now?...and how about now?�?If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, you need to immediately correct the situation. Say to yourself, “No, that is an old erroneous thought pattern, and it is no longer who I AM. I AM a valuable, Lovable person.�?Then, think of the list you have written of the “new you,�?and begin affirming it with deep feeling.

Keep the list in your pocket, if you want to, or just take one statement on the list and affirm it over and over again until it starts to feel true. Then, affirm the next statement, then the next. Sometimes, it helps to visualize yourself walking through Golden Doors, and as the doors close behind you, envision all of the old patterns of low self-esteem are left behind the door. When an old negative thought or feeling pops up, just consciously put it on the other side of the door, in your mind’s eye, and flood it with Violet Fire. Affirm that this is part of the past and no longer appropriate for you to think about or feel. Look at what is coming up, and ask yourself, “What do I want to be expressing in my life instead of this old negative belief about myself?�?Then focus on what you want to be expressing instead of what you don’t want to be expressing.

Initially, this process feels very uncomfortable. It feels self-obsessive and self-centered. It may even feel egotistical. Normally, people are so use to telling themselves they are worthless that sometimes it even feels like self- deception. But, even in the face of all of this resistance, you must continue the exercises in spite of how uncomfortable you feel. Often, the discomfort is generated by the lower human ego, which is fear-based. This fragmented aspect of your personality has thrived on your misery and doesn’t want to let go of its control. It is actually throwing a temper tantrum to prevent your God Presence from taking full control of your vehicles because it thinks it is going to die if that happens. You must Transmute your human ego with the Violet Flame, and flood it with Love so it will feel safe enough to let go and be Transformed.

The next step in learning to Love yourself is taking care of yourself. This change in your behavior will feel even more foreign than the positive affirmations. This step means you actually have to ask yourself in every situation, “What is the highest good for me?�?That thought normally sends shock waves through people. Imagine the audacity of thinking of yourself first. Doesn’t that totally conflict with everything you have ever been taught? Well, it conflicts with everything we have all been taught, and that is why we are so co-dependent and dysfunctional.

The important thing to understand about this step is that you are lifting up in consciousness, and you are transcending your lower human ego. Consequently, when you ask, “Is this the highest good for me?�? you must ask this question to your God Presence and not your human ego. Your human ego is self-obsessive and operates strictly to gratify your physical senses. It is also based in fear, so when it responds to that question, the answer will always be selfish, greedy and usually at the expense of everybody else. In other words, the “dog- eat-dog,�?“looking out for number one�?syndrome. But, when you ask your God Presence that question, that aspect of your Being is always functioning on all levels with regard to the highest good for all concerned.

Your God Presence is always prompting you forward to your highest potential, and It clearly knows that this must be accomplished with reverence for all life. It will never be true that if you fulfill your highest good, other people or other lifeforms will be hurt in the process. Your Divine Plan just doesn’t conflict like that. This means that if you are truly doing what is the highest good for you in a particular situation, IT WILL ALSO BE THE HIGHEST GOOD FOR EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED, even if they don’t perceive it that way. It will never be the case that if you are fulfilling your Divine Plan, it is preventing someone else from fulfilling their Divine Plan. When there seems to be a real conflict, then you must realize that someone’s human ego is involved and not their God Presence.

Another thing you must understand in this step is that you are not helping anyone by being a martyr and sacrificing what is right for you just to make someone else happy. Even if you are giving them what they want, if you have had to sacrifice what is right for you in the process, it is not going to be for their highest good. When people make these self-sacrifices, it is because they want to be Loved and approved of; they also want to be accepted. The problem is that you are actually invalidating yourself and negating your value as a Human Being when you make decisions to try and be what everybody else wants you to be, instead of who you are.

For one thing, it is impossible to fulfill everybody’s expectations, so you are always disappointing someone. When you try to be what everybody else wants you to be, you become so confused you totally lose touch with who you are and what you are supposed to be doing to fulfill your Divine Plan on Earth. This is really a tragedy that consistently holds you in bondage.

When you are not accomplishing your Divine Purpose and reason for Being, no matter what you do, you never feel fulfilled. You will always feel like something is missing in your life, and you experience dissatisfaction with everything you attempt. This, once again, leads into failure consciousness and low self-esteem. Then the vicious circle begins all over again.