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| | From:  «Mistyblue» (Original Message) | Sent: 31/10/2003 8:58 a.m. |
Forgiveness The need to Forgive is something we all experince at some stage in our life and is one of the biggest inhabitors in our spiritual growth. How can we teach love and spirituality, give guidence and support when we can not forgive first in our own hearts, weather it is forgiving another or forgiving ourselfs. We are all human and subject to human flaws, but once we regonise our weekness's then we can work towards healing and letting go, sometimes all that is needed is stepping back and relooking at the suituation and realising the only person we are hurting in the long run is ourselfs. Why You Should Forgive Them Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D Ever stuck with anger over what someone did to you? Did you also get the advice, "Forget what happened. Put it behind you and move on." It's not that easy, is it? Forgiving a wrongdoer is difficult because we feel that we are letting the wrongdoer off the hook. A victim tends to think, "How can I ever forgive someone who has hurt me so much." Forgiving does not equal letting someone off the hook. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to condone what someone has done to you or ever having to tolerate someone's wrongful behavior. It is possible to forgive someone and still call the police if he or she has broken the law. This might well be an act of kindness on your part. For the sake of their own growth, wrongdoers should face the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, how would they ever learn and grow to be better persons? The other day a couple came to me for marriage therapy. Each spouse had hurt the other by his or her actions. They said they loved each other and wanted to get past their anger. I asked the wife if she could forgive him. She right away said, "Yes." The husband, after a long pause said, "I will forgive her if she really forgives me." I asked him how he would know that she had really forgiven him and he said, "If she does not bring it ever again what I had said or done in the past." I wondered how long will he wait to convince himself of that.
Forgiving is not about the wrongdoer, it's about you. You forgive people, not for their sake, but for your own sake. You forgive because you want to set yourself free. You set yourself free by breaking the shackles of anger, hurt, helplessness or shame and that occurs when you forgive the person who caused those feelings. . Forgiveness is not about setting conditions with all those "ifs" and "buts," it's unconditional. By setting conditions, we give power to our tormentors. When we leave that power with them, they can hurt us again. Forgiveness is really about empowering yourself and taking back the control of your life in your own hands. Forgiveness is about healing old wounds. Bind your wounds. Once you do that, you don't have to become a victim of those past experiences. Should you feel that they can hurt you again, don't let them in your life again. There is a big drive for stress management these days. It seems that we just can't get enough of stress management workshops and seminars. In fact, we should be going for stress reduction seminars and learning how to reduce stress. If we can reduce stress in the first place, we wouldn't have that much stress to manage. Let's cut down stress at its source. Stress is often caused by regrets and resentments we have been holding on to for years. These regrets and resentments rob us of peace of mind and hamper our growth. Peace of mind is required for healing to take place. Forgiveness can bring that peace of mind. Health and happiness, after all, is the natural state for human beings. Something has to happen that pulls us out of our natural state and prevents us from getting back into it. I suspect persistent emotional stress is often the culprit. Pills can sedate your mind but they can't restore your peace of mind. They can't get you back into your natural state of happiness and health. That's something that takes action, and that action is up to you. . Forgiveness without the necessary emotional groundwork is not advisable. Nobody should demand or expect forgiveness from you. It is no body's birthright to be forgiven. It's up to you when you are ready and when you want to forgive them. You have to work through your anger and sense of loss before you will be able to do that. Others can ask you for forgiveness but not expect it. To expect forgiveness prematurely builds up more resentment and defeats the purpose. But we all should practice forgiveness at some point to clear our mind from persistent stressful feelings and thoughts. In doing so we remove what blocks our energy and happiness. When we forgive, we create happiness and health for ourselves and we open the doors for fresh air and light. There is always a road somewhere nearby but you can only walk that road when you come out of your dungeon. By forgiving, you get out of that box and begin to see all kinds of roads to places you want to go to.
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Forgiveness is not for the forgiven anyway it is for the one who forgives.
Which is one of spirits gifts to us.
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, October 31, 2003 12:58
AM
Subject: Forgiveness
-----------------------------------------------------------
New
Message on Misty
Visions
-----------------------------------------------------------
From:
«Mistyblue»
Message 1 in Discussion
Forgiveness
The need to Forgive is something we all experince at some stage in our life
and is one of the biggest inhabitors in our spiritual growth. How can we teach
love and spirituality, give guidence and support when we can not forgive first
in our own hearts, weather it is forgiving another or forgiving ourselfs. We
are all human and subject to human flaws, but once we regonise our weekness's
then we can work towards healing and letting go, sometimes all that is needed
is stepping back and relooking at the suituation and realising the only person
we are hurting in the long run is ourselfs. Why You Should
Forgive Them Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D
Ever stuck with anger
over what someone did to you? Did you also get the advice, "Forget what
happened. Put it behind you and move on." It's not that easy, is
it?
Forgiving a wrongdoer is difficult because we feel
that we are letting the wrongdoer off the hook. A victim tends to think,
"How can I ever forgive someone who has hurt me so much." Forgiving does
not equal letting someone off the hook. Forgiveness doesn't mean that
you have to condone what someone has done to you or ever having to tolerate
someone's wrongful behavior.
It is possible to forgive someone
and still call the police if he or she has broken the law. This might
well be an act of kindness on your part. For the sake of their own
growth, wrongdoers should face the consequences of their actions.
Otherwise, how would they ever learn and grow to be better
persons?
The other day a couple came to me for marriage
therapy. Each spouse had hurt the other by his or her actions.
They said they loved each other and wanted to get past their anger. I
asked the wife if she could forgive him. She right away said,
"Yes." The husband, after a long pause said, "I will forgive her if she
really forgives me." I asked him how he would know that she had really
forgiven him and he said, "If she does not bring it ever again what I had said
or done in the past." I wondered how long will he wait to convince
himself of that.
Forgiving is not about the wrongdoer,
it's about you. You forgive people, not for their sake, but for your own
sake. You forgive because you want to set yourself free. You set
yourself free by breaking the shackles of anger, hurt, helplessness or shame
and that occurs when you forgive the person who caused those feelings.
.
Forgiveness is not about setting conditions with all
those "ifs" and "buts," it's unconditional. By setting conditions, we
give power to our tormentors. When we leave that power with them, they
can hurt us again. Forgiveness is really about empowering yourself and
taking back the control of your life in your own hands.
Forgiveness is about healing old wounds. Bind your wounds.
Once you do that, you don't have to become a victim of those past
experiences. Should you feel that they can hurt you again, don't let
them in your life again.
There is a big drive for stress
management these days. It seems that we just can't get enough of stress
management workshops and seminars. In fact, we should be going for
stress reduction seminars and learning how to reduce stress. If we can
reduce stress in the first place, we wouldn't have that much stress to
manage.
Let's cut down stress at its source.
Stress is often caused by regrets and resentments we have been holding on to
for years. These regrets and resentments rob us of peace of mind and
hamper our growth.
Peace of mind is required for healing
to take place. Forgiveness can bring that peace of mind. Health
and happiness, after all, is the natural state for human beings.
Something has to happen that pulls us out of our natural state and prevents us
from getting back into it. I suspect persistent emotional stress is
often the culprit. Pills can sedate your mind but they can't restore
your peace of mind. They can't get you back into your natural state of
happiness and health. That's something that takes action, and that
action is up to you. .
Forgiveness without the
necessary emotional groundwork is not advisable. Nobody should demand or
expect forgiveness from you. It is no body's birthright to be
forgiven. It's up to you when you are ready and when you want to forgive
them. You have to work through your anger and sense of loss before you
will be able to do that. Others can ask you for forgiveness but not
expect it. To expect forgiveness prematurely builds up more resentment
and defeats the purpose.
But we all should practice
forgiveness at some point to clear our mind from persistent stressful feelings
and thoughts. In doing so we remove what blocks our energy and
happiness. When we forgive, we create happiness and health for ourselves
and we open the doors for fresh air and light. There is always a road
somewhere nearby but you can only walk that road when you come out of your
dungeon. By forgiving, you get out of that box and begin to see all
kinds of roads to places you want to go to.
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Forgiveness means that you do not hold others responsible for your experiences. from The Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav --------------------------------------------------------- Life is too short to waste
In critic peep or cynic bark,
Quarrel or reprimand:
‘Twill soon be dark;
Up! Mind thine own aim,
and God speed the mark! Ralph Waldo Emerson ------------------------------------------------- Forgiveness is not a moral issue. It is an energy dynamic. When most people forgive they do not want those that they forgave, to forget that they forgave and forgot. This kind of forgiveness manipulates the person who is forgiven. It is not forgiveness. It is a means of acquiring external power over another. Forgiveness means that you do not carry the baggage of an experience. When you choose not to forgive, the experience that you do not forgive sticks with you. When you choose not to forgive, it is like agreeing to wear dark, gruesome sunglasses that distort everything, and it is you who are forced every day to look at life through those contaminated lenses because you have chosen to keep them. from The Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav |
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