Exercise for Vision

Parenting is a powerful lifetime experience. It deserves thoughtful consideration above the details and immediate concerns of the day. As parents, doesn't it make sense to have a vision for what we want to offer to our children? As Stephen Covey, the noted author reminds us, start with the end in mind. In the best of all worlds, what characteristics do I want my children to have?

So close your eyes, relax, take some deep breaths and allow words, pictures, or whatever comes to your mind as you think of the qualities you want to see your child express and the family environment you want to create by your example.

Now write a few of these words or images down. Here's one mother's list.

I want my son to:

• have an open heart with others.
• have an inner compass that guides him to make healthy decisions.
• love nature.
• have a sense of hope and optimism.
• have a sense of empowerment—a "can do" attitude.
• feel connection with all things.
• have a sense of community and care about the struggles of others.
• feel a connection with a higher power.

Once you have envisioned what is important, use that vision as a guide for experiences that you choose as a family. If, for example, a love of nature is one of the qualities, then family camping trips and other outdoor experiences would be important. It certainly helps if you love nature, because it is contagious. However, there will be some children who have their nose in a book and no matter how enticing you make outdoor opportunities, it is not their interest or inclination. This is one of those places where we need to listen to individual differences.

Kate, a mother with three young sons wanted her children to feel more connection with animals. This is her experience. 

I grew up on a farm and learned to have a deep respect and love of animals, something I did not see my own children mirroring. It had been a concern for a few years, but I hadn't found any real solutions except to provide my own example and to talk about it. Recently, I happened on the book by Susan Chernak McElroy at the bookmobile called, Animals as Teachers and Healers. My kids seemed to listen to these true stories of animals being conscious, understanding, emotional, caring, intelligent, loving beings. Many of these stories were sad and involved conscious sacrifice on the part of the animal. My kids were deeply moved by these stories and I began to see a real change in their relationship with animals. For example, on a recent visit to friends by boys were amazed by their friend's very large fish in a fish tank. While watching it, the owner of the fish made a comment that the fish was dumb. My kids did not respond at the time, but later in the car said that fish are not dumb and the owner should not have said that. My heart breathed a sigh of relief that they had really begun to love and respect all living things.

In her book, Caretaking A New Soul, Anne Carson explains how we can expand our parenting vision when children begin to become aware of the outside world. She says, "Social action begins with good manners. It means being aware of the needs of other people, from the individual to the global level." Children who are encouraged to participate in thoughtful activities - a card for someone who is sick, or a birthday wish by drawing a picture - expand their world by caring beyond their immediate family. Recently with the tragic events of September 11th, children were encouraged to earn a dollar to share with the starving children of Afghanistan. These are the small acts that impact our children's life and can change the world.

Wise Parenting Content Contributors
Lucia Amsden, Terri Ford, Kate Wilson.