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Where do i start? Near a year ago, I made a very big move. My family and I went from the west U.S. to east U.S. It has been one full of changes. I asked for it. lol. I finally decided it was time i start living my life the way i kept saying, I wish life was like this, or i wish things were this way, etc. I was tired of always fighting an uphill battle. I was ready. I was terrified. I was excited. Again, I was terrified. lol. I was not taught how to make such a huge jump. Trust was everything. I lacked trust. So i suppose it was time to learn it. Im still learning about trust. Everyday, i get a bit wiser. And that makes me smile. Knowing all it takes is waking up in the morning and im wiser! Who woulda thought it? I finally did.
Ive spent the last year, learning more about myself and my body. Ive spent alot of time on spirituality, on life outside myself, trying to find answers, and my body said, hey what about me, why are you not thinking about me? All the years of cigarettes and coffee. Not eating properly, took a toll on me. My body just gave out in January and Im now feeling the effects of healing. I tried herbs, i tried vitamins, i tried relaxation techniques, positive thoughts. None of it worked. I became pissed and angry at my body. I was doing everything i was supposed to, wasnt I? Nope! The one thing i wasnt doing was getting out all those repressed emotions. I was carrying old emotions, old thoughts that kept coming at me til i realized i had to deal with them and get them out. Thank god, i had a support group around me to do so. Im still processing but feel better, lighter. I learned sometimes its ok to cry with the urge to cry comes upon me. If my body says it feels like crying i let it cry. If it feels like laughing i dont stop it from laughing.
I have been spending large amounts of energy on my creative energy flow. Im still learning to use it in a balanced way. I still make the mistake of going to far and exhausting myself. Sometimes i cant help it. I cant stop working on a project til i see it finished. Im progressing. My artwork is now getting out there and im accomplishing goals i set out to do. My work is now in an herbal and folkart store. Im near getting my work in a boutique, and eventually would like to attend the farmers market in town. I have learned i love talking to others about what i have learned. For some reason, when i am with my artwork and others are around me, I am no longer self conscious but confident. Its like something takes over me, an energy that is so invigorating. Amazing how one day i awake and say i want to create inspirational quilts has turned into, inspirational art. I got the inspiration part right. It matters not the material. As i have learned i can create anything i set my mind to. |
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i heard lol sorry have been thinking about you lately glad to see your doing ok I still get all the posts sent to my box so i'm still here |
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I knew that by rambling like that i could possibly come out looking the fool. Ive been doing a few things differently. I actually try to listen to what I feel. And trust it. Which is sooo hard to do. Its much easier to shrug it off in the moment and dismiss it as nothing. I had a thought, about connections we have with other souls. I read somewhere it can be seen as a cord. Interconnecting and interweaving amongst each other, connecting all of us. Like a web. Its easier for me to see the connections as energy bursts. One moment I can be off on one of my mind journeys, creating in my mind. Then poke. lol. It really is funny to me. Kinda like you have mail. lol. I find humor in this. I will hear a song, see a face or place. None of it making any sense. Then hours later...poke. There it is again. Now that usually gets my attention. And off i go to find its source.
I have a friend from high school. Someone i heard had died last year. Hit me hard before i even knew about his death. He died in Jan...which around that time i went into a depression...didnt hear the news till march, when around that time, i was getting pokes to call other high school friend, who i might add was so not good for me, energy wise. I called anyway and when she said he died, i instantly said I know. Then it hit me, I didnt know, but deep down i knew. I was finally allowed the move on. Knowing I already did my mourning. I still feel him around me. I wondered why. Then the whole "connection" theory hit me. I have a cord attached to him.
Another example, I felt my son very strongly, almost like he had left his body and most his energy was right against mine. Started at noon that day, commented on it to my friend. Then at 4 pm i get a call, saying do you know where your son is? They are all freaking out. But in my head Im as calm as can be, and I try to calm them down and said, whatever you do, go to our house and find him there. They say they did already. And again, I had to push the issue, go back. Hes at home. Naturally, my calm was being eatin at by their spiking energy, and begin to worry. I get a call later saying that they found him, at home.
Everyday since I started back to work house cleaning, Ive become more go with the flow. Maybe its the vacuum. The hum of it is like active meditation for me. Maybe the drives to and from jobs. Or the fact that my coworker is soo much like my mother, that i have to enter that part of my mind that says, be silent, watch, listen. Cause it would be easy to join in her energy. Working with her also was a lesson, you trully cannot avoid your momma. Life will find that same energy and put in it your path. And it has taught me alot. To see my mother from a different perspective.
My daughter, she is like me. When she tells you a story, no matter how off the wall it sounds, really is full of wisdom. She will suddenly say things that seem so far out, that when it happens the only thing you can do is tell her, yep your right.
I try to be as objective as possible with her. Not getting excited at her predictions. Yet be as supportive to it as I can. I do this cause of a dream I had. I was told that i was not to interfere with her. Asking questions when I could obtain them myself. That if i was to know any information from her, she would tell me herself. I know this sounds harsh, but i was getting overbearing around that time, with all the spiritual questions, and really, that can be too much for a young one. So I talk with her in a different way. Through telling stories. Its so much easier for her to speak this way. I encourage her to tell them. My son tells her she lies, i tell my son that stories are not lies. They are for entertainment and learning. Whats greater than learning from a child the reason the sky is blue? Or why there is a moon out when the sun is too? Her funniest story is when we went to get in the car and she asked me why i couldnt take her to the library. I said i am taking you. So i finish buckling her up and get in the car, crank it up, nothing. The battery is dead. I say, well your right, but we have other car, we will go to library. So, as we are driving she asks me if daddy has filled the car with gas, i said yes we have a full tank. Then she says, well you need to tell daddy to fill the car up with batteries so it will go. LOL. I rolled. All i could see was the inside of my car, filled to the brim with car batteries. Cant argue with child logic. |
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| I just got great news!!! Had to share it with ya'll. I have been accepted to participate in the local Artist Show. I was biting my nails hoping for it. Wish me luck!!! |
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hello hunnie all the luck in the world so glad for you blessings lavender |
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Thank you lavendar! I had a great time. Birdy and I attended this one together. I honestly believe between us both, the energy attracted alot of people. We would get to laughing and the next moment we would literally have a group of people checking our stuff out, asking questions. So much so, we actually had a line of people waiting to see our stuff! I had so much fun. I met some really interesting people, some I plan to keep in contact with. I made some orders for my napkin rings, and for some more of my angels. I sold all of the angels cept for 3. They were a hot item. The greatest thing is we inspired god knows how many people. I really like that 2 girls were always coming over to talk with us, ask us questions, and play with the beads. We told them, if they brought their beads, we would provide the wire and I would teach them free at my Beading class in December. To me, inspiring the children is my goal.
I was inspired to begin painting my mandalas. Yesterday I went with my profit and bought some paints and canvas. As soon as I have time this week I will begin. A gal at the Show said that she would not leave til I promised to go straight home and paint. She saw my drawings and raved about them. She pointed to my bead art and said, that I can do, but your drawing, is something unique. I was honored to hear her say that. Lots of inspiration flowing that day. Goes round and round. Im now gearing up for another show. The winter festival at the local elementary school. This time I plan to take other items. Mostly ornaments and the angels. In between times when I need something different, Ive been designing my shower curtains. It appeases my need to quilt, but with less the time to do them. Sometimes I wonder where I find the energy to do the things I plan and actually accomplish it too. Passion sure is a nice way to tap into the energy resources. That and lots of sleep. |
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Lavender I had posted a couple here at mistys, its in reply 14. Its labeled Tmandalas. Also some of my drawings are in the pictures. I should look and see whats in there. Been some time. And thank you.
Nesting |
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hey there Lavender... I noticed that all i put in the other attachment was my mermaids. I will attach a couple of my angels and whatnots. I think its time to show my friends here what Ive been up to.
I did attend another show this past weekend. I met lots of neat people and had tons of fun. There was a parade that day too, although i missed it, but my kids got to ride on a float again this year. They had so much fun, by end of day they were exhausted. Im now gearing up for two beading classes. One for my womens group, they are gonna be my guinea pigs for the real class being held a week later! lol Ive also got several orders I have to finish by the 17th! Everything has gone beyond my imagination. Well maybe not beyond my imagination, just exceeded my expectations for this time. I thought it would take me at least another year before I made it to this point. Everyone I have met has been sooo supportive. Many of them are pushing me to make jewelry. For some reason I just cannot find the motivation nor the interest. I did promise one gal that I would try to use my napkin ring design and turn it into a bracelet. Im fighting it already. And since i know myself well, usually once i get used to the idea, it usually turns out. Just gotta work through the emotions.
On a more personal note, I made peace with a part of my past. My dad. Hes my moms 3 husband. I only have small memories of the other 2. I kept hearing this song by Bob Sagar. "Here I am, on the road again......up on my stage...." Each time the song came on, I could feel him. So close to me. The urge to contact him was intense. I wrote an email to his mom, not knowing how to get in touch. She responded letting me know his situation, and how his wife is the way she is. I completely forgot about the wife. Thankfully Im very capable of forgeting those who are negative to me in this life. Back on subject tho, I told grandma about how much dads influence on me in this life has been. About how his advice and words are still with me today. She said that she would show him the email when he came for thanksgiving. I received a response. He said to tell me he was proud of me and my accomplishments. And that he loved me! Still makes me cry. I didnt realize until that moment just how much i needed to hear those words. Im able to let go now. I feel more free in spirit. And I like knowing that regardless, I will always have a connection with him. I remember when he had his accident and became paralized. My son was still a baby, and i had this sudden bad feeling and urge to contact him. I called his sister and she told me that he was in surgery. Odd how looking back on that and to today, that i could not sense his love for me. But could feel him in distress. |
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I finally got my new book in the mail. Its about making braided and hooked rugs. Oh my, Im soo excited! And it turns out that the best fabric is all the fabric I cannot use on my quilts. I keep looking back to all the old clothes Ive had to throw away, (lol of course after taking the buttons!). There was one piece in the book that is so artistic that I know I will be able to recreate my mandalas using this technique, the hooked rugs. Also it says that you can use plastic bags to make a rug. How cool is that? Those would be perfect for outside. And good for earth. Imagine all those plastic bags finally being put to good use.
I did the class with my womens group last night and it turned out great. They even applauded me. Felt good. I had no idea I was even holding my breathe. Until then, when my whole body relaxed. I learned alot, and plan to incorporate some to the teaching methods. One friend brought her 12 year old and for some reason I found it easier to teach her than the adults! I joked, I would have to pretend everyone is a child..lol I dont look down on children for the most part and I say most part, unless they are being disrespectful and then i might have to. I just seem to be able to connect with children easier. They are more open to read. Their energy easier to work around. No walls to come up against. Im thinking its my walls that i have to work on when Im around my own peer group. |
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Hey Nesting, nice to know you are still around :) Blessings Misty |
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Its nice to see you up and moving too Misty.
I had the oddest dream last night. Thought I would share it. I was to go on a vacation. To a place with buildings that had huge steeples, much like castles. Only they were the color of dark brown dirt, like chocolate milk. I tried to take a picture of it with my camera phone, only to get a magnified version. Could not get the whole setting. I then went to go buy the plane tickets. Bought 2 round trip tickets for my kids. But bought one way ticket for me, as my mom said she would pay for the trip back, since i planned on staying longer than the kids, to have time for myself. When the announcer called and said they were boarding the plane in such in such time, I could not find the tickets. I looked in my purse, looked in my organizer, everywhere. I was in a big hurry. I suddenly remember that the tickets are in my idea notebook. Only to find that my mom did not buy me my return ticket. I was upset with her for making the promise as I could have easily taken care of it myself. And scolded myself inwardly for not doing it in the first place and relying on her. I went to the booth attendant and gave her the tickets. I told her that its a rarity I go anywhere on vacation and am excited to see what is in store for me on this trip. |
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| I received confirmation about the dream. I talked with my mom a couple days later. She asked me why I would want to start making rag rugs. Perhaps I should stay with one art and perfect it. I laughed. I did perfect the wire and beads and has become more of a repeat cept for the mandalas, as those are unique in each and every part. Still, Ive mastered what I can with it. I wouldnt do classes to teach it if I felt I wasnt knowledgeable in that area. I do understand that I am being taught in those classes as much as teaching. To think of it any other way would be assumption on my part that Im the Master. Which Im not. Im getting off subject here, lol. I told her my brain was bored and wanted to find a way to create my mandalas through a new way. My idea is to have many ways in which i can show my mandalas. To spread the word about them and how they are connected to art therapy. She then is silent for a moment. Then says, make a book. If you are doing shows then make a book. At first I didnt get how the two are interconnected. She has a point. If Im planning on getting my stuff into a gallery, then having a book made would be the next step. Then she says, put some illustrations together, tidbits, etc and send it to her and she would put it together. There. Bells ringing. Dream is back in my head and Im wondering. I have thought of it. A book is a great idea. One I knew I would eventually do, just not this soon. I will send her the rough draft, but will also keep one for myself and finish it on my own. Im curious how both will come out. And I wouldnt feel as if Im putting all responsibility on her. |
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Ive thought on the dream again. Thinking symbolically it is referring to my own inner mothering energy. The maternal side of myself. Ive given it thought. Here I am about to go on vacation and my inner mother says hey I will get you that ticket, dont you worry none, and then come to find out, I dont get myself that ticket. Why? One I think, is that because i dont see the ticket, I instantly think, never a ticket. Yet I didnt think to trust. Who am I to know the ticket is around the corner? And then I panic, hence fear factor. Trust factor. Then I proceed to "scold" myself. Hence responsibility factor. Fear, Trust, Responsibility. Ok so Fear = No Trust......Responsibility=Resentment
Im understanding a part of the dream now. I have to trust my own inner mother energy. She knows what she is doing and have faith in her.
Oh mother energy, from this day forth, I will do my best to accept your unconditional love and your healing comfort. :) |
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hello hunnie i know its late but im glad life is being kinder to you,have a great christmas and an even greater new year your a  from someone who often thinks of you blessings  lavender |
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Lavender I hope you had a wonderful xmas and a happy new year too. I had a great xmas, more cause my children looked right at me and said, momma, this is the best christmas ever! And the thing was, it was very frugal and small. I just spiced it up with stories and whimsical ideas to keep their little minds busy. Wish I had done that all the other years too. And I refused to feel guilt over not getting them everything they wanted, they feel our guilt and use it. This year i told myself no guilt, just have fun. Worked.
I had a wonderful dream last night, about angels. Recently i have been wondering about a certain thing in my life. Why do i create angels with my art, yet have not considered to fully believe in angels. Or put much thought about them spiritually. Im aware of the subconsious need to creat them. Now I began asking why. I dont fully remember what they said to me, but I get the idea. I was told I already know why I create them, to help heal others, but more importantly they were there to help me heal myself, and when I become balanced I am in a greater position to help those in need. They are there to ensure that I accomplish my goals and to support me through some of my more difficult transitions. And then I dreamed of being a reporter, doing a paper on mothers with children who had growth disabilities. How they coped and dealt with the stresses. I suddenly was in this large oversize crib with the mother and child. She looked fully grown but was only a few years old. I saw what looked like a belt encircling the child's stomach, it had large round looking things attached to it. And sensed that this belt was symbolic of the area with was causing the disease. I tried to remove it but it would not budge. And then the dream changed to new dream, I was giving directions to the the home of a man who produced honey. But the person didnt understand where I was talking about, then i said, I will show you the way. (Interestingly enough, a couple months ago, i learned that there is a gallery in that same area.) I plan to head that way and see what is out there. Thinking that dream was a guide or push. Not sure of the dream with the mother and child. |
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