k well its fri had a good enuff day in work the mask was on BIG time as non of my mates where on so the masked pretty much stayed all day and hey  it worked i had a couple of laughs and it wasnt 2bad i didnt die lol but i was absolutely fucked by the day was over i was sooooooooooo exhausted and jus wanted 2slepp an sleep, but had couple of drinks i thought ok mayb as i'm feelin fine i wanted 2 b intimate wit my other half as it had been soo long and i thought i was ready and NOPE  i wasnt i said no didnt want it and that was the end of that lol, so mayb i'm not as FINE as i think i am......so got up this morning hymed and haed bout going 2 doc then i said bugger i'll go next week a long way away, and sure enuff i thought she prob b off and hey ho she was typical.........so spent  next while in bed but kicked my arse and said no go out cut grass so i did as i've been feelinbg numb 2day now jus tired an quiet lol......but i think i'm over all this now as my mood not low anymore so think i am fine an dnt need shrink meds doc anything cause i'm over my wee bout of depression yeah, sorry 4being so bloody dramatic of lately and thanks 4 being there now my time 2stop being selfish and help others and stop being bloody stupid........anyway half day work 2morrow then another shitty long day sunday lol so i'll b work bed work all weekend an bank holiday here monday so even if needed 2 go c her they b shut thought bout going wed instead of thurs as i have 2go 2 parents and family do fri nite yuck and i''m sure i'll b stuck sitting beside me lovely bro and his wife but my wee niece will b there so thats ok babysitting her next fri.........anywho better go make tea tc tttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu  but thankfully bout time i can stop being selfish as my depression seems 2 have gone yeah whoo hooooooo  xoxoxoxxo

 

lu

 

 

 

 

 

 

k well thats me outta work cause if i go back i immediately go on stage 4 an could get sack so this is me 4a while which i didnt want 2do so early but i had 2this morning was jus big step back throwing up chest mad tears wanting 2come.....nowt can do at the mo jus not happy that i've had 2come out feel ive failed

its not the fact of seeing girl i seen b4 i will when i'm called 2occupational health.....i've failed  i'm outta work on sick till i cann go back  head still pounding and wanna cry but theyy dnt wanna cum............

ok havent been in here 4 a while yeah generally have been ok, not 2day had feeling of being dirty and disgusting and just general yuck of being in my body, wanting 2 s/h but that solves nothing is this cause my sickline up fri coming am i just doing this so i can give myself an excuse not 2go back???????????????????????????mayb im doing all this 4 attention i wanted something 2 give an excuse 4 me being a humpy bitch?????and wanting 2sleep all time and not liking my job its all an excuse mayb its all in my head my mother didnt call me slut 4 causing nightmare on family my brother didnt abuse me or rape me thats just like a wee film roll i seen on tv thats y im making myself worse i wasnt his special sisteer and he protected me and wass like his prostitute cause i got sweets, fuck who am i kidding been here b4 yeah it is true oh louise wat stupid shit r u thinking bout c hate me that bringing all this crap up again..............sorry

 

lou

well seen rhonda was ok she doesnt see my mood improving yeah fair enuff...........not slept much tonight slept bit today but not really as kept waking up head just been muzzy last couple of days.............plus lisa broke ur trust big big time but but from wat theyve said dnt think her mum will tell, but she took that right away from me yeah have calmed down totally not mad dnt think anymorw just pissed of as brings up trust yet again with me.................just wait till i hear wat meds they gonna change me too, another 3weeks off work so  still waiting around, hopefully 2morrow will go better just gets 2 ya waiting an waiting and fear factor comes in also........but sure 2morrow's another day..........heads buzzing buziin thoughts running around body feels tired want 2sleep an hide........yeah im letting the feelings just ride but hell it takes all outta ya...... just wish could hurry up an get some sorta help this emotional roller coaster is getting more an more out of control and boy my head cnt think memory is shocking, concentration not so great i just want 2hide until it all migrates...........