Martha's Stock Tips

(the inside scoop)

Pay no attention to the nasty stories in the press.  All they are is rumor, plain and simple.  If you want to know how to make a cool few million, just stick with me.

To that end, here are some of the questions I've been asked recently.

Question 1:

What's the difference between a bull and a bear market?

- You mean besides the obvious?  A nice set of horns for a hat rack or a lovely bearskin rug to stretch out on in the rec room?  Oh ok.  A bear market is when trading is more aggresive, like it should be.  Right now it seems I have to bear it.  Conversely a bull market is when trading activity is slow, like right now at "Martha Stewart Enterprises".  Anyone want to buy some stock, cheap?

Question 2:

Should I buy low, sell high?

-Well of course!  That's what we all aim to do.  And that gets you into trouble if you're not careful.  What do I mean?  I mean.....um....make sure you have a reliable source of information.  And one who knows how to keep their mouth shut!  Don't just trust anybody.  You could lose a few million that way.  (More like 30!)

Question 3:

Do I need a financial advisor?

- Yes you do - I just happen to have the name of a good one here in my Rolodex.  He's presently 'unemployed' at the moment!

Question 4:

Are there any stocks you would recommend?

- Well "Martha Stewart Enterprises" stock is at an all time low right now.  I 'm sure it would make a wonderful investment!  I, myself am going to invest my last few million in a well-known photo-copier company.  their reproduction quality is most superb.  I should double my money in no time!

Question 5:  Finally what have you learned from your misfortune?

- Misfortune!  There is no such thing!  It's just good luck turned upside down.  I will come out of this stronger than ever - or at least smarter! (As long as I keep my mouth shut!)

©Bubbles 7-3-02