Reuters Dateline: Coffee, Mississippi: 3/31/02  

     In a small Kudzu vine covered shack in central Mississippi, history has repeated itself. 
      In the tradition established by George Washington Carver and his work with the peanut, Lester Thibideaux, a humble brewer of illegal corn liquor,  has come up with over 100 incredible uses for the Kudzuu vine which has infested a large portion of the south.

      Using only a few basic household chemicals and a keen analytical mind honed by 7 years in the Mississippi public school system, Lester has patented 107 viable uses for the invasive Kudzu vine which has been known to grow as much as 3 feet per day. 
     Among his  many patents are processes for a clean burning, non polluting fuel for automobiles which can easily be produced in quantities to make the US self sufficient in all of it's energy requirements for at least the next two centuries.

     One of the byproducts of of the new Kudzu gas is a plentiful healthy feed for domestic livestock  which produces a low cholesterol beef and pork as the end product.
     Lester has also patented a Kudzu leaf cigarette which is not only free of any carcinogens but actually promotes the growth of healthy lung tissue.
      In addition, he has  patented a huge variety of hard liquors and beers produced from the Kudzu vine. Although these liquors do produce a mild intoxication and euphoria, they in no way impair driving skills nor do they result in a hangover.

      Among his other stunning discoveries relating to the Kudzu vine is a stimulating breakfast drink made from the roasted ground vines which is superior in both taste and fragrance to the more traditional coffee and tea. The residue from the roasting process forms a super hard totally  heat resistant plasticlike substance which could be used in many applications in both the construction industry as a replacement for steel girders and in the Space Program to improve the heat sheilding on the space shuttles.
      While working with the roots of the Kudzu vine, Lester stumbled across a symbiotic mold. Out of curiousity he ran it thru a distillation process in his still and was rewarded with a new antibiotic which thus far has cured virtually every disease it has been tested on including the common cold.

     As news of Lester's remarkable achievements leaked out, there were massive shifts in the stock and commodities markets as buyers and developers scrambled to get a share of the new products. 
     As Oil prices plummeted in speculation on the new Kudzu gas,  OPEC met in emergency session in an attempt to salvage some portion of their former energy monopoly.
     Throughout the United States, City and State police and in some cases the national guard have been called out to patrol rich Kudzu reserves to prevent poaching of this valuable resource by unscrupulous developers.
     In a surprising related story, the value of the Confederate dollar has risen from .0001 cents to .001 cents on the dollar. The world  financial community is watching closely.

  Reuters Dateline: Coffee, Mississippi: 3/31/02  
Copyright 3/31/02 by Ubergato  All rights Reserved