I just came down chere tu thu city about a week ago, and you know , I seen

some uf thu strangest thangs. I went to one uf them movie houses and watch a show called

" Lips" . It wuz about these people goin' swimmin' in thu ocean and when they got out there

this big ole carp would come up and kiss 'em tu death.

                   Now you might thank thats funny , but that just mens you ain't never been sucked

on by no carp. Anyway, after thu movie I got on tu one of them buses to go home , But you know what?  That doggone bus done let me off at the wrong spot. Cause right there in front of me wuz the biggest ole barn I ever seed in my life, and a big ole bunch uf people wuza goin' intu that big ole barn.

                   Well , I thought they wuz havin a cattle show so I didn't thank nothin' about it , but

right then I saw this big ole brass band agoin' intu that big barn and I knew right then what it wuz that they wuz a havin in thet big barn.  They wuz a havin' a square dance.

                    Well, I figured I'd go tu that square dance even though it was a grttin' late. Oh, it

wuz probably 8or even 8:30, but I went up to thet little smokehouse they hada sittin' out front tu buy myself a ticket. You know? That feller didn't know nuthin'  'bout no smokehouse. He wanted tu know what section did I want . I said shuckins feller I don't want no section , when I square dance I squaredance all over. Well he looked at me kinda funny but I didn't say nothin cause he knowd I had him.

                     So I went in there , and friends I am here u tell you thet wuz the biggest bunch uf wall flowers I ever seed in my life. People wuz just a sittin' around there on a bunch uf church benches. Well, I figured I'd better get thu ball arollin or I'd just wasted 75 cents, so I went down there tu where that little man wuza wavin' that stick in front uf that band and told him " If you'll play a hoedown by ned I'll call 'er. "  But you know , aforin' he could answer me all them people in thet big barn riz up in their seats and commenced tu hollarin'

                     Well , I looked ariund tu see whut they wuz a hollerin about, and no wonder they wuz a yellin' . Two bunches uf big ole skinny boys come runnin in there with nuthin' on but their BVDs

                      Well sir, I'm glad tu say that someone musta called thu law cause a little fat man came in there a tootin' on a police whistle., but beforin' he could get on tu them fer nut havin' their britches on they all got in a fuss over thet big rubber ball he wuz a totin'.

                       Well, he finally just got disgusted and threw it up in thu air, and Lordy! He shouldn't a done thet.  That wuz thu biggest fight I ever seed in my life  and then one uf them

tall 'ens got it and took off down the floor there like a pullet with a fishin' worm.  When he got tu thu other end he spied this funny lookin contraption he had a hangin on some planks and I'll tell you whut it looked like . I wuz a big rang with a minner dipper ahangin' under it. Well he figured if he could get it in thet minner dipper thet them other fellers couldn't get it and he'd come back later and get it down for himself.   But you know , it didn't work!  Thu minner dipper had a hole in it and the ball fell right out. Well, one uf then other fellers grabbed it and went down thu floor

thu other way and there wuz the same kinda contraption a hangin' down there. But you won't believ this , but I seed it with my own two eyes.-------There wuz a hole in thet minner dipper too btu them silly fellers couldn't get it through their heads . They just kept a throwin' it in there and it just kept a fallin out.

                        Well, I figured I had better get out uf there  cause I figured I'd done run smack dab intu one uf them crazy houses. Cause I figured it like this . If any body come runnin ' intu a squaredance like thet with nuthin' on but their underdrawers and the spend the rest uf the evenin' trying to get a big rubber ball  tu stay in a minner dipper with a hole in , has got to be crazy  and I got out uf there and I'n glad I did.