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Have you ever told a lie? This is like that, but you gotta tell the best lie you can, even better than the last... but I swear, this really happened.... One day...I saw the biggest pile of money in the world! See, there was this FBI helicopter, and it was flying over my house- on account of the Mafia living next door-and at the same time I heard Luigi calling me to come over to his house. He said "You gonna be rich pallie! I gotta favah ta ask ya". My Mom could hear us talking. I had to do somthing! So... |
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Last week I wuz a settin' on the couch awatchin the Jerry Springer Show, N it wuz a good 'un. When all of a sudden I heard the dad gummist commotion 'n it wasn't ole St. Nick......it wuz ole " Martha"! She was a crawlin up the wall all crooked like, said she'd been to the Gran Ole Opry to sang a new country western song, she done wrote. Well, I knew ole "Martha" was a liar right off, when I saw that bottle of Wild Turkey stickin out her back pocket, so I popped her in the haid with the fly swat. Last time I saw her, she was a limpin North and a cussin every breath. |
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you wouldn't believe me it i told you so i am going to tell yo anyway, i was walking to school and a dog came up to me he starting to talk to me, that right he started to talk, but that cause of the plate in my head from bumping my head in the table inside of the alien space ship, but anywho, the dog told me that i should take him in and care for him, i don't know of at least that what i thought he said, he was talking chinesse, then when i got home i started to eat my pizza with raisins and blueberry, when all of a sudden "they" came to see me, yeah "they", they were saying that my washer was broken i was like, my washer, how would he know, but i guess on the count that he's my plumer, so that's how my day went, that's pretty much my day, hey i have had werid days!! |
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The very same thing happened to me today.I swear! every bit was the same as goingcrazy's day! |
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Naw, now really you guys, I'm not spoofin' . I once lived in Roswell, New Mexico and I met a real alien there. His name was Jose and I was surprized to find out that he didn't come to Roswell in a spacecraft. He came in a 1950 Studebaker pickup. I kept watching him wondering when he was going to do something weird but all he did was just wander around pausing to take a nap every day about 2pm. The only thing he ever did that made me think he might powers beyond mortal men was eat 5 jalepinos one after another. Immeadiately I knew his stomach was made from materials for beyound human elements. I ask him did he come from another planet but I guess he came from some oceanic planet because all he said was " Sea" |
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Think I am lying? Think again... About four months ago, my dentist sent me one of those postcard reminders: Time to polish those pearly whites! I rode the bus downtown and looked for Dr. Isaacson's office. Upon double-checking the return address on the card, I noticed that the address had changed. Frustrated, I walked two blocks to reach another office building. Climbing to the 3rd story. I was surprised to find that Dr. Isaacson had a man filling in for her. Her husband, also a dental hygienest, carried out her duties. I left feeling lightheaded from laughing gass, and sore from getting a cavity filled. A month later, Dr. Kathy Isaacson called me up for my annual check-up. Frustrated, I asked her why i was having a follow-up. I relayed my story to her. To my utter confusion, she claimed she wasn't married. Never had been. After calling around, I discovered that there are TWO Dr. Isaacsons in Seattle who ride the same bus got their mailing lists switched. Imagine that! |
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One day my car wouldn't start and I needed to take the bus downtown to register my dog for the Miss Florida Canine Beauty Pagent. I walked to the bus stop and waited for a while. Finally, when the bus came, I was amazed that bus was empty except for the driver. The bus driver told me that he had not been making any stops, he saw my blue shirt and wanted to make a trade. He said he was tired and asked me if I'd like give him my shirt, he'd let me drive the rest of the route for him.
"Sure," I told him. Except at that point, he noticed my dog and told me, "No dogs are allowed on the bus."
I didn't like his attitude so I kept my shirt, and just kicked him off the bus. I drove off, just me and my dog. Before long, we reached the Miss Florida Canine Beauty Pagent. I parked the bus, registered my dog, and then drove the bus home because I needed it to return the next weekend for the actual Pagent.
But the people from the bus company came and took the bus back. They gave me a reward for finding their bus, the man I first saw driving was an escaped criminal, and had stolen the bus in the first place.
I took the reward money and got my car fixed. I bribed one of the dog pagent judges with the rest of the money, and was disqualfied because the judge was very honest and reported me. When my dog found out about it, he ran away. And I haven't seen he since.
And that's the absolute truth. |
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Last night, at work, at the police dept, one of the 911 consoles started ringing, so I answered it. It was a guy who wanted to report an alien abduction. He said that he was beamed up into a space ship and taken to a room that looked like an operating room. He said the aliens, who looked like Elvis, layed him on a table. They took samples of his hair and fingernails, looked up his nose, in his ears and pulled a couple of teeth. He said finally they released him. Now, he wanted to file charges on them. I asked him where it happened and he said that it happened 5 miles north of Clarksville..............so I told him............."it is out of the city limits, so you are going to have to call the sheriff's dept". |
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Is this game closed now, or what? |
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I guess so. All those people and the aliens, I thought this game was about telling a big lie and heres all these people telling the truth! Anyways I KNOW you won't believe this but it's the absolute truth! Last week I went for a trip to the U.S.A. and when i crossed the border, the border cops were really nice! Further on i stopped for gas and had to use the washroom and they actually let me use it. He was really nice too! So on I drove on those really smooth hiways you have there, looking at all the really nice scenery and all the pretty towns when I finally got to Detroit. What a really nice place! After such a great trip, I think i'll come back real soon. See ya then! |
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| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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| | | From: Verbie | Sent: 3/6/2006 10:19 AM |
One day, I saw the gold Oscar walking down the street in Beverly hills...I was so excited to see him! I went right up to him and he asked me if I was Angerlina Jolee. I told him I was. He stopped dead in his traks and asked me to come with him. So I did. He took me to the tattoo parlor and told the gal at the desk that I was there for a gold plating because we were going to be husband and wife. I figured that if I was all painted gold, no one would wonder if I was really Angelina...and i would be Mrs.Oscar! So I said I would do it. The next day when he picked me up, well, he tried to pick me up...but he was having trouble with his arms being stuck to his belly..so I just climbed on his back, and we left. We went straight to Las Vegas to get married. Well that is what he told me anyway. Next thing you know in walks Angelina...he was shocked...you should have seen the stone cold look in his face. Somehow they ended up talking to one another outsid, and I wasn't having that! So I went outside. I was so mad...I got right in her face and told her to stay away from my man... A huge fight started...it was horrible, intense, and everyone was watching as I busted her lips and she bled all over the carpet. The police finally came to break it up. They told her that she should get off the red carpet. There were paparazi everywhere... I haven'd seen either of them for several hours when my cell phone rang. It was "her" and she wants Oscar...but so do I!! So it is a mystery... Who will win Oscar? |
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well, well, well I've never told a lie before and I'll never do it again!!! |
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