I used to feel so special because I was the only one in my group of friends who had never been hit, WOW was I wrong, I had been called every name in every book, belittled, told who I could have as friends by all my ex's. Ya mental abuse is a biggy on my list, my current relationship knows I will not take any kind of verbal abuse, and he agree's it would be the worst thing he could do to me, I feel by setting my boundries early, I will not take the mental abuse anymore.

Thank you for posting this one.

                   Hugs  Jacquie

Big Hugs, Jacquie!  Emotional abuse is every bit as desvastating as physical abuse.  Black and blue marks fade; broken bones mend.  Having your self-esteem destroyed, your spirit lost are much harder to heal.

Sending you big hugs, Nancy   I know it can be very hard to leave but please consider contacting your local domestic violence agency for support.  There are things you can do to that will help while staying in the relationship.  You don't have to be there alone!

Hugs Sundance ...Thank you for the advice, will think on it...

do what I can 

 

Hugs Nancy

I was once in an abusive relationship, he hit me and was verbally abusive and cheated.. i stayed with the man for 15 yrs and had 2 children, they were my main reason for staying, they were secure and i didnt know what the future held if i went on my own... he made me so reliant on him financially, i could see no way out.. However, the thought of leaving is harder than the actual act, and one day it was harder staying than going, i was so miserable with him, i know longer loved him and couldnt see myself living that life for ever, i took the plunge and left and went to my parents taking my 2 children with me,, its the best thing i ever did,  slowly bit by bit i built a life for myself, got a place and a job, a whole new world opened up for me.. i was my own person and i also met my now husband and have been happily married for nearly 6 yrs, he treats me with respect and tells me he loves me every day... life is so different and so am i,  i cant understand why i put up with such crap from a man before, and i never would again, im stronger, know what i want and would never  have anyone treat me like that before, my advice is life is too short to live an unhappy l;ife, you may not think there is an escape but there is,  but only if you want it bad enough.. trust me from someone whos been there, there is a happier life for you...

I am praying for you.

Also been there

Add me to the "been there" list.  I did it twice. 

 

The first one was when I was 16 and carrying his child because he didn't take no for an answer.  He was my 1st boyfriend and I was from an abusive home so I didn't even know what I had gotten myself into.  Basically, I thought it would be better for the baby if I married him.  Wrong, I was 6 months pregnant when he ended her life so she was never born.  By the time I was old enough to leave I was pregnant again and he used my children to hold onto me by threatening to kill them if I left him.  So I stayed until I was 34 and he tried to kill me.  In all he stole 18 years of my life.  I have a lot of physical damage from the beatings I took while married to him.

 

The second one never hit me but he was just as bad in his own way.  He was emotionally abusive and wiped me out financially to support a drug habit he had hidden from me.  He killed himself 9 months after we were married because I told him I was leaving him.  I can't honestly say that I mourn him any more even though I try to feel pity for him.

 

Now I am remarried and have been for more than 2 years.  My husband is very good to me.  I think the difference is two things.  First, I changed and I don't allow people to abuse me.  (I used to joke I could have an abusive relationship if I was the only person on the planet because I carried around so much guilt and self loathing.)  The second difference is that my current husband likes and respects himself.  I really think the first two were strinking out at themselves as much as they were at the rest of the world.  I was just a place to focus all the negativity.

 

PJ

  Noone should feelthat they deserve to be mistreated or abused...all of us were created by the same maker and we all are His children. I have been there and did that but  with prayers and help from kind people, I got away and never looked back. The abuser went to prison for others he had abused too, one didnt live.  I too had a child so that gave me strength to get us out of his life so I could protect her from him. Please dont stay with someone like that....get out. There are so many places that will help you now....back in my day, there wasnt and I had no family around either.

 Sometimes we blame ourselves and think things like we arent worthwhile, or  anyone else could love us ect...Thats what abusers love to get is ones like that.  You must learn to think positive about yourself and to make yourself  treat yourself in a good way  and stay wise where people like that arent drawn to us. I feel that is true. Abusers can sense your fear even though they dont know you...they see it in your eyes.

     Its such a good feeling to have no fear, feel good about yourself and know you are a wonderful person and can be whatever you want to be....prayers are the main thing.   Thank you, Creator.       hugs Annie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is something I want to add to what I wrote before...

 

It isn't directed to anyone person.  I just want to put it out there for people to think about if it might apply in their lives.  I want people to think about it when the day comes to decide if they want to stay or go in an abusive relationship.  

 

Everyone is living their own lives.  I know I do not understand where your life is right now and no one can tell you what the right decision is because these things are always more complicated than they seem from the outside.  But everyone please remember that there are things you are giving away that you may never be able to get back.

 

I used to be really tough.  I could work most men into the ground and then go home clean house, cook dinner for my kids and help them with their school work.  I prided myself on my physical strength and endurance.  It was how I kept my ego intact.  In a way I thought I was proving I was tougher than he was because I could do what it took to out last him.  I kept telling myself it was just a waiting game.  When the kids were older I would be able to leave.  So I waited.  And I waited some more.  In the end, I waited too long and now I have serious damage to my body because of what he did to me.  I kept thinking that it wasn't that bad and that I could handle it to protect my kids.  Then one day he really deep ended so now I have a belly full of scar tissue and a digestive system that is always on the verge of falling apart.  In the past 2 years alone I have had 5 surgeries due to what he did to me.  There were more before that.  Chances are good one day they will have to take out my large intestine and put a bag on my side for me to pass waste out of.  I live with constant pain and I'm always sick to my stomach.  Its hard to turn my head so I have difficulty driving.  I often bleed internally and have fainted many times simply because I stood up too soon when I was sick.  Because this can come on quickly I can no longer go into the woods alone.  When I do get to go, I have to stay where I people can help me if I get sick so I can't really hike as I used to and I often feel trapped.  No matter what I do now every day for the rest of my life I will wake up hurting because of what he did to me.  He will control my ability to do the things I want to do for the rest of my life because of the damage he did to my body.  He even controls what foods I can eat and when because there are often days or weeks I have to go on a clear liquid diet due to the infections that reoccur to the damaged areas.  So even though I am 7 years out now his abuse will always be a part of my life and it will probably end my life earlier than it should have ended.  His body is fine and he can walk and move without pain.  If I were in my 70s I might not complain but I am only in my early 40s so I am pretty mad at myself for letting this happen.

 

I know some of those who might read this really are as trapped as I was and are doing the only thing they can to protect their kids.  There are real and valid reasons for staying in some cases it is just too dangerous to go without help and help can be hard to find.  I know others see the good person their abuser could be "if only" and they stay in hopes of helping him.  I also know the pain of buring my second husband because I told him I would not take his behavior anymore and he killed himself.  So I'm not saying these words without understanding the reasons for staying.  I've been there too but I am here now and I want you to know you have value and you have a right to wake up without fear or pain.  The thing is you have to fight to keep that right or it might slip away from you.

 

I was lucky.  I am here through the grace of the Creator and nothing else.  I think I am alive for a reason.  I believe my life was spared so that I can say what I have just said because we women often are so busy caring for everyone else we forget about taking care of ourselves.  We need to be reminded that we matter too.  The only problem is if you do not take care of yourself then you may one day find you do not have the ability to take care of others.

 

Be smarter than I was sooner than I was.

 

PJ

 

PS... This can and does happen to men to so if a man is reading this and sees himself don't assume that these things only happen to women.