Annie, you said a mouthful!

 

As I look back on my life, I can see that my spirit was restricted, manipulated, or crushed many times along the way. This was not the fault of my parents, they always did what they thought was best. But the results of "teachings" from my parents, school teachers, ministers, and all those I was expected to listen to, was that I became a weak human being. I was more susceptable to addictions. I chose alcahol, and it kept me company for 30 years.

 

My "awakening" was ugly and rude. I had choices. To live the same way, or change. I HATE change. But a power FAR greater than myself guided me, gave me strength, and placed teachers in my path. And I did what was very unusual for me, I chose to change. And I worked at it.

 

Today, my spirit lives. It breathes. It touches the lives of many, and is touched by them. Creator must have some work for me to do that took all this preparation. The 30 years of drinking was there for a purpose. I don't know why, I may never know. I just ask Him to show me what He needs me to do, and try to do it.

 

My life still has pain, and sorrow at times. The car still breaks, I still get behind on bills, and my cat just passed on. But you know what? I will walk out of this day as I choose to. I can decide to feel miserable about all these "terrible" things, or I can accept them, and CHOOSE to take some happiness out of this day too.

 

I choose to accept the world as it is, and to TRY to change what I can. And I am happy.

 

Wokini

Wonderful, my friend.....So good to hear you are on the right path....and know we are here for you if you need to talk or just vent...ok...Blessings  Annie

Thank you Annie,

 

Ya know, I have taken part in many recovery events..... meetings, roundtables, talking circles, weekend retreats, but as powerful as each of these things is, VENTING is as much needed. I tend to convert normal emotions to anger quite readily (I think most addicts do) and thankfully I have several people I can vent to! In doing so, by verbal word or in writing, I often come to an understanding and acceptance of the REAL problem or emotion envolved. I don't need, then, to stuff more ANGER in my bag to carry along with me. This has helped keep me sober almost 6 years. I thank you for you offer to listen, and will most likely take you up on it sometime! And I am a good listener too. Anyone may feel free to vent to me. Beats the heck out of converting all those emotional hiccups to anger. That anger bag gets to be a heavy burden to carry after while!

 

Ake wacin yan kin kte,

 

Wokini

Greetings Annie-LL,

 

I was reading your post and thought, geez, my spirit must be on it's way to leave me.

 

I think I could use some advice on what to do and where to go from here.

 

I was born as the 7th child in my family. We had no money and lived on a farm that we rented but it didn't turn out very well. We had to leave it and my parents got a divorce. Anyways, I was sent to a fosterhome where I was beated up just for the fun of it. I have been raped twice and been abused twice, both times by the boyfriend. I have been scared more times than I care to count and I have lost the people I have ever loved. I am now hiding from people and have done so for the past 14 years. I tried to 'return' a couple of years ago but my heart was not heald so I went 'back' to my 'hidingplace' again. I have never used drugs or alcohol. I have a fear these days of separations and I have nightmares every night about people I have known in my life. I am running after them and they turn their heads looking at me over their shoulders and then they walk away from me. I wake up crying and each day that goes by, I can feel that I lose a little of my will to carry on. I guess I am not worthy of a life. As it is right now, I am only excisting...

ocile

Your message is a strong one...I had a very difficult child hood... My early adult life was the same.  My drug and alcohol use nearly ruined my life along with many others.  Today Creator is the strongest force in my life.  My walk is always with  Creator in mind.   I now work with Women that are Survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault..  I am also doing an internship working with the Youth in a Residential Treatment facility...  Today in my early 40's my life has meaning and I know that my Path has reason.

 Sadie

 

Hi Annie-LL,

That was one of my first concerns, that someone else might get help from this. Some people have a problem with talking about their lifes. I don't. I am in contact with RedHawk and he is guiding me thru this. He is a true blessing. So far he has been right in everything he has been saying to me. For that I am gratefull. I will try to come to the recovery chat room one day but I have a problem with the timedifference. I do hope that can be overcomed some day.

Thank you for the hug. Most appreciated.

I feel blessed to be a member in this group. I hope I can return all the kindness you have shown me.

You are all in my thoughts

ocile

 

Hi Sadie, Thank you for sharing this with me. The hard part is to find out the reasons when you are walking in darkness.

There is many hard lessons to learn in the school of life and the hardest one for me, so far, is to learn to love myself. To keep connected with both my heart and mind. It is a long walk, maybe the longest walk you ever have to take but it is worth it in the end. The help I have is worth a lot to me as it has opend my eyes. Even though I have noticed that the more I learn the less I know.

I am happy for you, for walking with the Creator in you. That is important. Just remember that you have to walk with yourSelf too.

Walk in balancce my friend

ocile

 

Thank you Annie...this is a excellent post...with good comments...am hoping this will start up some more ...questions or comments anyone?...we also have a abuse shelter here...hugs,Cheri

Dear Annie;

     Wow what alot of great questions.  I know for me that before I found help I was very stuck, today I am able to find help for anything that happens in my life.  I will add I have way more good days than bad now as I too found a power greater than myself, and continue to have that power help me go through life each day.  As someone mentioned I still have bad days I couldn't imagine a life with out bad days, it's just today instead of holding my problems in I ask or reach out to others for help and guidance.  Those who are my good people do not steer me in the wrong direction, those who love me only want good for me. It took time but I no longer allow the bad people into my life, the best thing about the past is it is just that the past and each day is a new one. I now learn from my mistakes   instead of repeating them time after time. And even being a part of this family has so allowed me to grow each day.

                   Hugs  Jacquie