Betwixt the Sea and Sky

Oct 1

I've been sitting here thinking about something that happened last night at circle and I'm not sure if I want it on the public board or not. Yesterday I helped Nym move boxes and clean (yay! she's moved back to Hamilton) but I kept telling her that I HAD to be at ritual that night though I didn't know why. I did know that Tamarra (the high priestess from Toronto was going to be there, a brief history on her if you're at all interested) was going to be conducting the rit. Which meant that Mara and Morgan were likely to be there ... these 2 experienced and seasoned priestesses add a serious differences to rituals. I had no idea what the nights rit would be. Turned out to be an invocation of Hermes. I was the Air quarter. We went into circle ( a small group last night ...11 of us Morgan was to ill to attend, again. 1 high priestess & priest conducting, a handmaiden and summoner, 4 quarters and 3 for the circle) We gathered in the space Nemeton gathers (the chick circle). Everything was going well and I was clicked into the Air quarter, riding the mental groove of a simple chant (a great way to get everyone in sync and raise energy) the priesthood invoked Hermes and brought around this gorgeous statue of the young god. It was about 2 feet high and polished marble. When it stopped in front of me I reach out and touched it on impulse. As I ran my hand down the length of the cool surface it was like being in a bubble, I didn't hear the rest of the circle as it continued to sing, only this heavy pulse in the pit of my stomach, like I had swallowed a heartbeat. In my head I asked 'what path lies open to me, show me the way or give me a sign' I closed my eyes and saw 3 roads stretching out into darkness (hold up 3 fingers and thats how the paths looked). The statue moved on but I couldn't move. I heard the music but couldn't find the beat or words. I felt like I had been pole-axed and my body erupted in a pins n needles sensation top to bottom. I'm standing there trying to focus and finding it really difficult. Next thing I know Mara is reaching for my hand and we are moving around the circle and the others are still singing. We come to a stop after a few rounds and move in towards the altar still connected, by this time I'm shaking so bad my arms are viberating and I feel Mara's hands tighten on me. I've got a blank spot here because next thing I know, the circle is closed and I've got tears on my face and I'm standing about 3 feet back from the rest of the circle. I open my eyes and focus and see Tamarra is watching me from across the circle and Mara is standing beside me. I can't feel my skin or the floor I'm standing on, but I can see the rest of the circle chanting and smiling at one another (not a lot of time is missing though, more like I blinked in and out, or something) It feels like something is pressing against my face and I can not move my mouth. Mara is standing in front of me and is calling for the summoners stave (a big staff of lightening struck oak, dedicated to the protection of sacred space) and its in my hands. It too sharts to vibrate and I'm trying to focus and ground and center as quickly as I can. All the fast and dirty meditations I've learned are coming into play as one by one my muscles relaxed and I stopped shaking. My mouth was dry and the room was quiet. Tamarra had escorted everyone else (except Nym) but clergy out of the room. We talked for a bit until I was more and more myself (though Nym says I still looked pretty damn spacey) took a while considering I felt like I had been sandbagged. Both priestesses are of the opinion that I got tagged last night. I don't know what to think except that I was definitely in not in normal space. I decided I really needed a good stiff drink ...

Monday Oct 3rd ... Feathers. All day I've been collecting the neatest feathers. A small red one about 3 inches long, a long cream and spotted red hawk feather, and a long cream, silver and charcoal feather about 7 inches long (pigeon?)... lol I even walked past it, then turned around and went back for it, its a perfect feather. Brought them home and put them in the black bowl.

Tuesday Oct 4th .... Went for a long ride with Pete and thought about traveling and choices. Rediscovered the 2 message strips I had received at a Nemeton rit a few months ago when I had first talked to Mara about Hekate... one says 'I am a goddess' the other says 'I am a healer'. Made me think of the caduceus that Hermes carries.

Wednesday ... I'm on the bus and I'm reading Highways of the Mind [Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki] and I open to the next chapter titled The Wearers of the Silver Sandals , it reads:

The pyshcopompoi of the Ancient religions were those gods who acted as conductors of the dead, and as messengers of the elder gods. They were accredited with the special powers that allowed them to go where mortals, amd even other gods, did not dare to set foot. They were the Walkers between the Worlds, and carried or wore the emblems of their function. All carried a staff or baton that gave them entrance to the Underworld. It was they who appeared when someone of note needed to be escorted either to the Realm of the Gods or the Afterworld of the Dead.

(regarding Hermes) .... the wings (on his helmet and sandals) symbolizes the element of Air, the staff denotes both solar and axial power. The serpents are duality, polarizing opposites of male and female, life and death, sickness and health.

Because of their divinity as sons of the older gods, they carried the word of those gods to mankind .... They had access to all levels of existance and were granted right of entry without question.

and so on

Thursday Oct 6 ... I'm still reading the same book. I look up and heres a young girl standing in front of me on the bus wearing a silver necklace with a pair if silver wings dangling from it. I was mesmerized. They are 2 seperate wings (like angel wings, or full bird wings) hanging one atop the other from a chain. I couldn't take my eyes off them. The wings are about an inch and a half long. I had to have them. I came home and told Bren about them then promptly went to the mall. Looked in almost every store then finally found them. I wore them home.

Friday ... Bad day at school. Kept thinking about choices and duty. Nym came over and we talked about my week and all the weird coincidences... or synchronicity. I told her that I think the apparition in my room was about a message as well. What the hell am I missing?

I'm getting nervous (or just plain spooked) with the way things are going. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go see my mom, she's sick again, maybe the bacterial infection again. Oct 10 is my grandmothers death day, 1 year since my first Dumb Supper. So my thoughts are dark anyways.

Been thinking about what happened to me last week. I think I tapped into what my mind preceives as god energy. It was a definite connectivity, but one of me accepting what came to me, not something I sought out. I think if I had fought it or panicked I would not have experienced what I did, it would have been enough adreniline or something to knock me out of focus and it would have been nothing more then an interesting ritual. The sensory memory is just as vivid right now as my mental memory.

I feel like I'm in a strange world, lol. I have been living a spiritual path mostly devoid deity ... niether druidism, shamanism or pantheism require ones devotion to a 'godhead' they are active philosophies, not theology. I find myself having to turn my study to the essence of godhood. Having appreciated Campbells archetype lessons, I find myself having to decide what this new energy is in my life and why its active. The first lessons of the druid and shaman is that all is connected, in and out of time...

Important Announcement The MSN Groups service will close in February 2009. You can move your group to Multiply, MSN’s partner for online groups. Learn More
Betwixt the Sea and Sky	[email protected]