Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients  being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one  elderlygentleman-already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase  at his feet-who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.  After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to  the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
 
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a  number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him  fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.  The elderly gentlmen went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
 
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were  sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says .   "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know  you' re about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a  new-born baby." "Really!?
Like a new-born baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth,  and I think I just wet my pants.