Yes, yes, yes to every question.  I have had n/c for about 3 1/2 yrs when our son went to live with relatives.  And this was HIS choice..I told him if he wanted a relationship to call and apologize.  This last month I am finally feeling a breakthrough in depression, and learning to feel real joy, then it came crashing down when my mom asked:  "Is there anything you think you need to do"  (about contacting my son)   She use to babysit him a lot, and she knows exactly how he is.  She even says she doesn't have good memories of him.  It goes back to her believing  God is going to do something... and God can, but I've done my part and why in the world would I want to get back involved with that chaos??? 

All that self doubt, and soul searching that went on for the 15 yrs while I had him welled up inside of me, and ruined my day yesterday!  I hate this!

 

 

 

 

Oh I  sooooo hear you on the parents thing!  My parents also think I am not doing the right thing with my son, they think he needs love and that God will fix it but we can't just abandon him.  So I said "You know, I was kicked out of the house when I was 15 for alot less.  If I pulled 1/10 of the things my son did you would NEVER talk to me again...so lets not get into that!"

But I always feel terribly guilty about not being there for my son, especially after talking to my parents.  I have learned not to talk to them as much anymore, which is sad, because my mom and I used to be really close

kbt :)

   i don't wish you pain but to know that someone understands these things is better than any present that could be wraped.  i get so angry at my 14 yr old p/n son that i feel physically sick and 3 1/2 yrs to go. how the #@&* am i going to do it? .......

I know God is here for me and i love Him. a skinned knee is a skinned knee so to speak and this is a kind of pain i did not expect 3 yrs ago. when it gets that bad (like today) i tell him he has to leave the house.wears me to the core yes. it leaves me feeling like something huge and tramatic just happened-like i  need to sit and collect myself before me and my 6yr old daughter and 5 yr old twin boys continue with our day. psychiatrists don't seem to get that you can't put a conscience in a pill and won't touch a p/n diagnosis if under 18 neither will a psycologist and pediatric or family one's seem to be so easy on them not that being tough would help they are what they are. the only way he'll ever change is by the grace of God. THANK YOU FOR POSTING AND SHARING YOUR LIFE WITH US. today of all days i needed it.

         something clever that is not coming to mind just now,

                                                                           belrose777 :)

Belrose,

When my son was living at home I used to have daily physical aches and pains.  Some days it was excruciating!  It took three years for that to leave after the stress came down a little.  Now all it takes is a phonecall and I will feel ill all day or have huge panic attacks for the next few days.  I fully understand where you are coming from.

In my experience, the only way I got help was instucting ppl who had problems with him to call the police.  It got to a point where I needed him gone.  God answered my prayer the summer I sent him to cadet camp for three weeks.  Within 1 week he was charged with an offense and after that was placed in a group home.  The military police don't mess around, and when I told them to 'nail him to the wall', they did.  He hasn't lived at home since that summer.  But he is not out of our lives, he still has to make it known on an almost daily basis that he still exists

A preacher gave me the best advice years ago.  It was hard to follow but once you internalize it and change your mind set you will feel alot more free.  He said this...

 

"You are not in control, nor can you ever be.  Don't allow this child to reflect on you.  Give him to God, after all, he is Gods creation and only God can fix him.  Don't bang your head against the wall trying.  Let it go!"

Belrose I feel your pain and frustration, I know what it's like to be stuck with a child like this.  Today I only wish mine would end up behind bars so he can't hurt anyone and I can instruct the jail not to allow phone calls to my house:>)  Now that would be freedom:>)

I always said God gave me this child to keep me humble and dependant on God...because it sure has worked!  If only I could get rid of the panic!

KBT-thank you for your reply-i'd have more to say but i'm so stunned by today's antics as well i haven't quite recovered-i think though w/o your note i'd have gone to bed and cried 'til i could sleep-you gave me that i'm not alone-since i'm actually home alone maybe i'll watch a movie and get out of my head-thanks for passing on your preacher's words-he's right-i felt God tugging at me to read what He has to say/talk with him more  anyway-belrose

Hi,

My 18yr P lives the other side of the world and most of the time that is perfect but the worry never goes away----is he ok, is he missing me etc etc.Before we moved and he lived with us my life was in turmoil and when I look back I dont know how I coped-----every day was a struggle. I seldom ate and know I drank too much just to blot out the pain of living with it all.

My other son is nearly 16 and has all the traits of a P.Once again I am just surviving each day.

My marriage has suffered so much and still is. H is not their natural father and he has no idea what all this is like for me even though I have tried to explain.

People, like the Police etc etc keep telling me what a nice lad my 16yr is---they are blind. Social services and some of my friends think I am the worst mother in the world----they are blind.

Both sons and I saw a psychiatrist once and she thought there was nothing wrong with either of them and couldnt see what all the fuss was about. I knew medication would not be something I would consider for either of them. I have worked in the mental health field for 20 yrs and I know that no medication can give them a conscience. I also knew there was not really a diagnosis for them.

I now just pray for the day my 16yr leaves home as I am not strong enough to go through all this again and my marriage will not survive much more of this.

It is awful that we suffer so much and have done nothing wrong.  

That's another thing you have to let go...it's funny that our neighbors know more about what is going on with these kids than our families (who think we are terrible moms)  My family never understood either, now they do to a degree but not fully and they never will.  I tell you though, our neighbors knew what we lived through, they lived through it with us.

Children's services were invloved with us annually at least for about 12 years.  I felt like they were just waiting for a reason to pounce and take all our children (because of "atypical behaviors" my oldest displayed)  Anyway they would come and visit fairly often, and I was always friendly, had coffee with them while they asked all thier questions.  Then they would question the two younger ones...Finally one day I got fed up and I said "You know instead of asking them about what 'mommy and daddy" do to them, maybe you should use that same line of questioning and ask them about P...well, it worked!  They finally had thier eyes open.