Who is the "me" that is me? For thousands of years we have sought to identify and locate this self. Numerous theories have been offered proposing that the basis of the self is found in our body type or blood, in our traits, in our behavior, in our situations and interactions, in our development or lack thereof, or in our wholeness. Regardless of the theory we hold, there is a common thread in our experience of the self. To know the self, we must look within.

When we look within, we find that there seems to be more than one "self." There is an ego self, which is the center of our conscious personality. There is also a deeper self, which is our unifying center, our inner wisdom, our still, small voice. Let's take a closer look at both the ego self and the deeper self, to learn more about the "me" that is me.

The first thing we notice about the ego self is its uniqueness; it is not exactly like the ego self of any other person we have met. It is our personal identity bound by time, space, and our body, and it ours alone. Just as no two bodies are exactly alike—not even identical twins—no two ego selves are exactly alike. Each is equipped with special and unique gifts that no one else possesses. A primary and continuing challenge of our lives is that which is written on the temple at Delphi, "Know thyself." We cannot fully express, celebrate, enjoy, appreciate, develop, or change if we do not have a pretty good understanding of our own ego self.

Some aspects of our ego self seem pretty consistent throughout our lives. A child, for example, who is feisty and vocal as an infant may still be feisty and vocal as an adult. Other aspects, however, change with time, circumstances, or physical factors.

Aspects of our ego self that are a direct result of our body are fairly obvious; a man of 6'5" and 300 pounds rarely develops a "shrinking violet" ego self that is timid and shy.

Also, ego self changes may result from our body. Most of us know someone who, as a pre-pubescent teen, was clumsy, pimply, and wore braces. The person's ego self during this time may have been shy, awkward, and lacking in confidence. As the person matured physically, he or she may have become outgoing, graceful, and confident. The way we and others see our bodies definitely influences our personalities.

Circumstances and life events certainly play a major role in the development of the ego self. Anyone who experiences a major trauma such as a car accident, a tornado, or a violent crime may change from an extroverted, optimistic, and easygoing person to someone who is introverted, pessimistic, and anxious. Fortunately, the opposite can also occur. An anxious, unsociable, rigid person, after experiencing a loving relationship or becoming a part of a caring community can become more relaxed, gregarious, and flexible.

It is also true that the meaning a person gives to a particular circumstance or event determines how that circumstance or event changes the ego self. A menopausal woman may see herself as powerful and vital or wasted and weak. The difference depends upon a number of factors, not the least of which is the beliefs we carry about ourselves and the way the world works, our inner scripting.

We are beings who impart great meaning to events. In the truest sense of our experience, it is not what happens to us so much as the meanings we carry inside that define the experience for us. Our culture teaches us what "should" be important to us. Our religions preach to us what "should" be valuable and significant. Our society emphasizes those things that, by society's standards, are worthy of our attention and desire. Our families envelop us in their values and meanings. Our gender greatly colors the lens through which we view our experiences.

Whatever we have learned from our culture, society, or family, the meanings we give to the circumstances and events in our lives are perhaps most fundamentally colored by our basic belief as to whether the universe we inhabit is friend or foe. If we believe that we are at home in a friendly world, we will tend to see the gift in even the most painful experiences. If we believe we inhibit a meaningless or hostile universe, even our most positive experiences may be muted by fear and lack of trust. Like our other beliefs, our fundamental trust or distrust of the universe can change because of such factors as experiences, connection to our deeper self, and personal growth

Our Special Gifts.

Our special gifts are those individual attributes, interests, and skills that make us unique. Questions that help us uncover our special and unique gifts include: "What do I love?" "What makes my heart sing?" "When I look back on my life, what are the things and events that have brought me joy?" "What topics consistently catch my attention?" "What am I passionate about?" What are my talents and skills?" If this one is hard for you, try answering it as if you were your best friend or someone who knows and loves you well. The answer to these questions will begin to reveal the special and unique gifts that your deeper self needs for its experiences and expression.

We all have unique and special gifts, and they are different for each of us. We sometimes get in trouble when we become envious of someone else's unique gift, or when we project that just because we can do something, everyone else should be able to also. As we become more aware, we notice how often we find ourselves in relationships with people who have unique gifts that we wish we had but do not. This allows us to choose between jealousy and envy or acceptance and appreciation. When we find that something comes easily for us but not for others, we choose between feeling arrogance and judgment, or acceptance and appreciation.

We also have an opportunity to see the situation in another way, as providing balance in our lives. If I am not particularly good at organization but am a whiz at spontaneous creativity, and my friend is an excellent organizer, rather than be envious of her organizational skills or make her wrong for being less spontaneous, I could accept and appreciate both of our unique gifts and see the balance we create when we cooperate. I could rejoice in the wholeness created when our unique parts work in harmony rather than seeing one or both of us as inadequate.

The special qualities that each of us has brought into this life enriches the world. We are divine creations. There is no one quite like us. There never has been, and there never will be. The world would lose some of its brightness if the light within us were not shining as it is. We are here to bless the world with our unique talents, abilities, insights, and appreciation. Acceptance and appreciation are the keys to healthy use of our special and unique gifts.

You might try this exercise to learn more about the unique mix of qualities, traits, and gifts you possess. First, list five important and significant events or experiences you have had in your life that involved an important accomplishment, an overcome difficulty, or a realized dream. Some examples might be such things as surviving and growing from a divorce, accomplishing a challenging job, overcoming an addiction, or helping a friend or family member make it through a difficult time.

Beside each event or experience, list the qualities you exhibited in order to accomplish the outcome. If you stopped smoking, for example, you might list persistence, self-discipline, and an inner drive to be healthy.

Finally, review all the qualities you have listed. Claim them as your own, as demonstrated by your life experiences.

Balance

Balance is steadiness, stability, and equilibrium in our lives. It involves giving appropriate importance to each part of our lives, being grounded, and being connected to our deeper self.

Balance is necessary in all aspects of our existence. We need balance between our physical activity and rest; and we need balance in our mental, emotional, and spiritual activities. We need times of concentrated thinking and times of daydreaming and meditation. We need times of deep feeling and times of simply being. Our lives overall also need balance. We will have times of great challenge, balanced by times of mundane repetition.

We are out of balance when some part of our lives is receiving attention to the exclusion of other parts. We would be out of balance, for instance, if we were to constantly focus on our job responsibilities to the exclusion of our health and personal relationships. We may stay late at the office, eat junk food at our desks, and spend all our waking efforts on improving our job performance. In the short run we may benefit professionally. In the long run, however, our health will decline and we may lose our families and friends, because we are out of balance.

We are out of balance when we are ungrounded. Being grounded is maintaining our connection to the energy of the earth. If we are ungrounded we are flighty and unstable, we cannot maintain our focus. We can ground ourselves by sitting on the grass, walking on the ground, meditating, gardening, or simply gazing on the beauty of nature. When we are grounded we have stability, like a tree rooted deep in the earth.

Perhaps most importantly, we are unbalanced when we are disconnected from our deeper self. Balance begins inside, with our awareness and connection to our deeper self. We can increase our connection to our deeper self in many ways, including meditation, praying, expressing our creativity, enjoying quiet contemplation, and being grateful. The more we come to know the nature of our deeper self, the more we will manifest the quality of balance in our lives.

When our balance is based on a strong connection to our deeper self, there is a steadiness that rides the flow of our lives. While the flow may take us way up or way down, our connection to our deeper self provides a stability that overcomes the extremes. Like the curve of the infinity sign, even though we may venture far from our center of balance, our lives will return to the center. No matter what direction we may wander, balance based on a strong connection to our deeper self will always return us to our center.

Follow your own personal meditation and when you are finished, notice how peaceful, centered, and balanced you feel physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Now allow your mind to take you to an upcoming event where you would like to have these same balanced feelings. Take a few deep breaths and picture yourself experiencing this event with the same sense of peace, centeredness, and balance. Notice how you look and behave in this visualization. See the peaceful look on your face; hear the loving tone of your words; feel your body relax; be centered and feel your calm.

After you have finished the visualization, take three or more deep breaths to anchor these feelings as a memory of being balanced. Later, when you experience the actual event, notice how you can call up and re-experience some of that balance. Know that you can experience more and more feelings of balance as you enhance your connection to your deeper self.

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 Arasini Foundation