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| | From:  «Mistyblue» (Original Message) | Sent: 14/09/2004 6:26 a.m. |
Inner Scripting Whatever is happening in your life is coming from an image you hold about yourself. Your inner scripts are your own unique combination of beliefs, attitudes, and messages. They define the way you perceive yourself and your world. You have learned them consciously and unconsciously through the words and actions of significant people in your life—parents, teachers, friends, and siblings; through the messages of the particular society in which you live; and through the messages contained in the variety of media which surrounds all of us. As you explore your own inner scripts, you will discover what powerful filtering devices they are. They are unique agents in the creation of your reality, the screens through which you sift all life's information, reactions, and experiences. Inner scripts are not bad things—they save you time and energy by providing general principles under which you interpret your experiences. Through them you see the world differently than anyone else sees it. They alter and color everything you see, and block you from seeing some things at all. You may wish to change some of them, however, because they are outdated, or because they impede your spiritual growth and positive life experiences. You also want to listen beyond them, when your inner wisdom tells you that they are not your best guidance in particular situations. Elsewhere we have discussed the importance of listening to your inner wisdom, your still, small voice, your deeper self. Sometimes the guidance given to you by your still, small voice may be contrary to your scripts, and if the scripts are too strong, they may not allow the voice of your deeper self to be heard. Throughout this discussion of altering your inner scripts it is important to keep in mind that whatever your scripts may say, they should not be allowed to mask your still, small voice. It will also be useful to remember that your inner scripts operate in conjunction with the innate emotional characteristics with which you were born, aspects of you which you brought into this life for your own growth. You may have been a child, for example, that was born with a natural tendency toward anger and expressing yourself in temperamental ways. Your family environment scripts may encourage expression of your anger by saying that anger is an okay form of self-expression. Or they may do the opposite by stating that no emotional expression of any kind is acceptable. However your inner scripts relate to your basic nature, it is important to understand that they exercise some control over how you play out your fundamental life learning issues. One of the valuable lessons of working with your inner scripts is that beliefs and behaviors can be re-scripted so that they support healthy ways of expressing your innate emotional characteristics. You can make dramatic and positive changes in your life as you decide which inner scripts you want to throw out, keep, update, or create anew. Like finger prints, inner scripts are unique to each individual. However there are some basic categories of scripts, and three we will discuss here are the self-image, operational, and rule scripts.
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Self-image Scripts The most fundamental inner scripts are those relating to your self-image. They are the beliefs you hold about the qualities that define you. Self-image scripts are usually an inconsistent mixture of positive and negative beliefs about yourself. These scripts most often arise from what you feel others think or say about you, and the way they treat you. Labeling is an example of a common way you are described by others, and a major source of self-beliefs. If you repeatedly overhear a family member say about you, "he is so smart," you will have a tendency to act in ways that support that belief. If you hear, "he is dumb," you may adopt that self-definition. Sometimes in the early years, significant people compare you with siblings and others in regard to certain qualities. "Why can't you keep your room clean like your sister or be reliable like she is?" Too often labeling is negative and results in deeply buried beliefs of unworthiness. If left unexamined, such beliefs can have a deeply rippling effect through out your life. Some of the basic self-image beliefs that are positive creators of inner power and strength are: - I am lovable.
- I am capable.
- I am deserving of a healthy relationship.
- I am strong.
- I am attractive.
When you see yourself through positive self-image scripts, you tend to draw into your life experiences that reflect these fundamental beliefs. Negative self-image scripts take away inner power and strength. Included are such beliefs as: - I am not lovable.
- I am not capable.
- I am not able to measure up to my family's expectations.
- I am a procrastinator.
- I am not physically attractive.
Negative self-image scripts tend to draw experiences to you that mirror the limitations you believe about yourself. |
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Operational Scripts Operational scripts are personal and cultural attitudes and assumptions that reflect your beliefs in how the world operates. The following are examples of operational scripts about yourself that cause positive responses to life situations: - I learn a lot from my mistakes.
- When I am unhappy, I look inside myself for a solution.
- Situations in my life tend to work out for the best.
- I am learning and growing all the time.
- I have the resources I need to do the things I really want to do.
- I have plenty of time to do the things that make me happy.
The following are personal and cultural attitudes that can contribute to negative responses to life situations: - I am always waiting for "the other shoe to drop."
- My life would be happier if someone would change.
- My security rests on how much money I have in the bank.
- To get anything done, I have to do it myself.
- It seems I don't accomplish much, no matter how hard I work.
- Bad things always happen to me.
Other operational scripts are summary statements about life and the way the world operates in general. Like the other scripts we have discussed, these usually have a general positive or negative tone. Some negative general operational scripts that may be familiar to you are: - Life is hard, then you die.
- Life is like a involuntary walk through a land mine.
- The world is a dangerous place.
- Everyone is just out for themselves.
Examples of positive general operational scripts include: |
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Should and Shouldn't Scripts Should and shouldn't scripts are the rules we have internalized which embody value judgments about right and wrong behavior. They often include the words, "can't, won't, should, shouldn't, must, and have to." Should and shouldn't scripts can be good tools to simplify our lives, but like other inner scripts, when they are no longer appropriate for us, they may lead us to choices that are not loving or wise. For example, we may have a shouldn't script that says, "one shouldn't give money to poor people—they need to get on their own two feet." This rule may have come from a parent or teacher, and may have been appropriate to them in their lives. If it causes us to close our hearts to people in true need, however, it is one which we may wish to abandon. Examples of some should and shouldn't inner scripts include: - Boys don't cry.
- Children should be seen and not heard.
- One must be strong at all times.
- You must save your money for a rainy day.
- Honor your father and your mother.
- Parents should shield their children from the harsh realities of life.
- You should be productive at all times.
- Never trust strangers.
As an exercise, think of something that happened to you today where you said "should" or "shouldn't." Ask yourself: "What was the should or shouldn't script?" "Did I follow it?" "If so, why?" "If not, why not?" "What are the values on which the script is based?" "Whose values are they?" "Do they fit for me now?" "Is there another should or shouldn't script that is based on higher values that is now more appropriate?" If the should or shouldn't script is still appropriate, be grateful for its guidance and consciously acknowledge it as your helper. If it is no longer appropriate, consciously release it, and create a higher value-based script. |
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Discovering and Managing Your Scripts So how do you manage your scripts? It's not easy to manage and change those old, buried programs, but it can be done. First, you must do some detective work, and find the scripts you wish to change. Then you must rewrite the scripts so that they have positive, rather than negative, effects. Finally, you must commit to listening to your deeper self, even when its message conflicts with your inner scripts. Three ways of unearthing scripts you wish to change are listening to your self-talk and internal chatter, communicating with others, and learning from your mind/body connection,. |
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Self-Talk: Listening to the Internal Chatter Self-talk is all the internal dialogue, conversations, and chatter that constantly flow through your mind. You have heard the phrase, "my mind has a mind of its own." We all have minds which operate on their own, with a stream of consciousness that tends to operate on automatic, guided by our scripts. Try listening like a caring director to your thoughts as they pass, and to the feelings and tone of the words you use in thinking about yourself and how your world operates. For example, do your self-image and operational scripts require you to negatively motivate yourself? Imagine that you are about to give a presentation about which you are nervous. Would you think about all the times you did a poor job and looked foolish, in order that you will prepare adequately and not be embarrassed again? If so, perhaps you have a self-image script that says, "I am lazy and can only be strongly motivated by fear." Changing your script to one that allows motivation by encouragement, memories of success, and visualization of a good outcome will move you in an empowering direction. Eventually, public presentations might even change from occasions of fear to occasions of anticipated success. |
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Communicating with Others An excellent way to discover negative scripts is to listen to how you talk to others. How often do you say, "I can't," or "I am so dumb about ..." or "I have a bad temper?" Observe how others relate to you when you say negative things about yourself. Is there some pay-off when you say you can't do something and a friend reassures you that you can? Observing your words about yourself will give you much information about your scripts. Sometimes the negative things you say about yourself would be the last thing you would say about a friend or even a stranger. Again, the real challenge is changing an embedded belief. If you diligently catch yourself each time a targeted script expresses itself in your talk and focus on rephrasing it, over time you can exchange the negative script for a positive one |
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The Mind-Body Connection Because your mind, emotions, and body are deeply connected, your scripts can cause chain reactions of emotional states and physical symptoms which can be traced backward to uncover the underlying scripts. Imagine, for instance, that you are working on a project and you have the operational script that there is never enough time in your life. As you play out the script by believing that there isn't enough time in this situation, all sorts of emotional reactions begin happening: frustration, anger at yourself or another for not doing what should have been done earlier, and general agitation. Your body picks up distress signals and responds with physical symptoms: headache, stomach upset, and body tension. Here's where you get to play Hansel and Gretel, and follow the breadcrumbs home. Start with your physical distress (headache), and see what emotional states were the cause (anger, frustration). As you examine the emotional distress, the underlying negative script may come to light ("I never have enough time in my life"). Then comes the difficult part, changing the script. Rewrite your script so that it benefits, rather than limits, your life. In this case, you might change the belief that there is never enough time to make positive affirmations such as "I will do what I can at this moment," I have all the time I need," and "Things will work out—they always do." It takes time, energy, and openness to dig deeply and discover the inner scripts from which feelings, thoughts, and even physical symptoms result, but like an archeological dig of personal discovery, it can be intensely rewarding. |
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Making it Happen You can learn a great deal about your ingrained beliefs and attitudes by discussing your ideas and perspectives about life with a close friend or a group. Part of the power of sharing is seeing how the assumptions and beliefs you carry are often different from those carried by others. Interaction with others can provide support, stimulate surprising reactions and new insights, and help you appreciate that there are many ways to perceive the same experience. You may find it enhancing to your re-scripting process to develop a "spiritual buddy" relationship with someone, or belong to a group that centers on spiritual growth as the uniting theme. With your "buddy", or group you can share ideas, concepts, and most importantly some of the emotions that arise as you free yourself from unhealthy and outdated internal scripts and replace them with positive ones. Sometimes friends and family members become uncomfortable or critical as they see you change with your new scripts. A group or spiritual buddy can provide you with a counterbalance of unconditional support as the process of transformation unfolds for you together. If you have the commitment to catch a negative script every time it comes into play and consciously replace it with positive statements, it will fade over time and the new scripts will take over. You will begin to feel calmer, your body will feel better, and you will become more focused and productive in what you are doing The self-image, operational, and should and shouldn't scripts you carry are pessimistic or optimistic filters which go a long way toward creating the life they describe—full of fear and limitation or opportunity and openness. Re-scripting is a simple process, but it is not an easy one. It requires that you be truly honest with yourself, vigilant in your search for negative scripts, and committed to changing deeply held beliefs. It is, however, worth the effort, as it can fundamentally improve the way you see yourself and the way you operate in the world. By embracing the process of changing the inner scripts that are barriers to spiritual growth, and by committing to listen to the voice of your deeper self, even when it conflicts with your inner scripts, you will be better able to move toward a more spiritual, positive, and balanced life. Copyright © 1998-2004
Arasini Foundation
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