1. Be always prepared for that all-important meeting. Wear clean clothes, and something that smells good.
2. Keep your quarry in mind, and dress appropriately. Don't wear a Nine Inch Nails t-shirt if you're shopping for a banker.
3. Use an equipment upgrade if needed. (Most guys don't mind when they find out later.)
4. Cultivate a sincere interest in a sports team. Hey, the New Orleans Saints got me ahead lots of times.
5. Drink beer, particularly draft beers or full-bodied ales or stouts. This makes you appear to be a fun person.
6. Ditch the heavy intellectualism, unless you're into profs.
7. Don't be into profs.
8. Worship at the V.S. shrine.
9. Think short when it somes to skirts.
10. Shower and wash thy hair.
11. Easy on the makeup.
12. Think bikini, unless the person in question is an inhibited, possessive Star Trek freak
13. Figure that there's a lot of stuff guys just like, and keep from running it down. This includes sports, cars, hunting or fishing, dogs, hardware, and heavy machinery.
14. If he wants to bowl, it's okay. Really. Dear old Dad does too.
15. Thou shalt not date priests. That is a no-no with the Big Guy.
16. Or ex-priests. Too meny hang-ups.
17. Don't date using personal ads. The information in them is second major source of mendacity, after politicians. (Nobody tells the truth in 'em.)
18. Bars are for going with someone else, not to meet someone new. Unless you're into boozers.
19. Get your oil changed at one of those quick oil change places every 6000 miles. Use a thinner weight oil in the winter.
20. Check your oil weekly if you have a drip like I do. I mean an oil drip.
21. Don't skimp on the battery. Get a big one.
22. Don't turn the radiator cap when the car is warm.
23. If he's married, don't. If you wind up with him, he will stray on you, too. Unless you take him to the vet to keep him from wandering.
24. Have snack foods and beer around the old spread, but not pork rinds.
25. Easy on the scents. Chemical warfare is prohibited by the Geneva Convention.
26. Don't judge a guy by his wheels. Unless it's a Porsche.
27. It's not promising if he takes you to dinner at a place where you have to bus your own table.
28. Keep a count of how often he mentions his mother: three strikes, he's out.
29. Remember the "More than Two Maxims Rule."
30. Don't propose going to a chick flick; let it be his idea and give him full credit for it.
31. "I like them big and stupid" may work for Julie Brown. But you better re-think that idea.
32. Does he like dogs? Good.
33. Does he have a pit bull in an reinforced steel cage? Not so good.
34. If he knows more about fashion, beanty, and makeup than you do, introduce him to your sister.
35. If he talks about his ex-dog, that's not a good sign.
36. If he gives you an endearing pet name, that's a good sign in the relationship; if he calls you "Porky" or "*****," or "**," that's not.
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