Betwixt the Sea and Sky

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Life really is about the journey. I've had the recent experience of looking back at the places I've been, or the people I have met and somehow weigh them in the who I am today. Its every step we take that leads us to Now ... even when we refuse to chose, it still marks us - makes us who we are. I've been thinking about my evolution and am determined to continue in the same vein I have over the last 2 years or so ... and I find myself coming back to where it started. Not sure what I'm looking for or even why ... I only know that I once aspired to make Betwixt a launching point for a greater spirit in all of us, and now when I'm on the cusp of yet another incarnation, I want to put it to the test. How useful is this tool, this portal ... what more can Betwixt offer to me and my future then to be the pagan resource I imagined it to be?

Almost 5 years ago I created Betwixt to be a meeting place of minds on as many pagan and occult subjects as possible. Creating a web of thoughts and information for the newest spiritual explorer to the well learned and experienced ... a place that had something to offer everyone, be you student or teacher, or fellow seeker. It grew and morphed in ways I had not expected, members came and went (some on to the Summerlands), it got personal for many - wars waged and spirits bonded, eventually after a couple of years a few friends took up residence in its cyberhalls and have kept the torch burning even when Life took me away ... on the back of a Harley under the stars and moon.

A lot of time has passed for me since then. I've become more in touch with my spirituality and my purpose, I've learned how to use my Will in my life and have decided to captain my own ship, so to speak. I marvel at the changes that have occured - I'm virtually unrecognizable to those in my past - I have evolved in ways that have marked me permenantly. Its this sense of identity that I'm writing about now ... that and the fact that 3 people from Betwixt have contacted me in as many weeks wanting to know how I managed to fall off the planet, lol.

About 3 years ago I found the local pagan community, and by association ... more kin through-out the region. 2 years ago I became active in the local WCC (wiccan church of canada) attending services, workshops, festivals and other networking experiences. I've lost count of how many shades of wicca I've encountered, in addition ... theres been freemasons, heathens, native medicine, ceremonialists, voudon, and eclectic solitaires ... Here be Witches (and coffee). I've had the pleasure of meeting leaders and guides of all these paths and am amaze at the scope of some of these individuals. As folks got to know me, I was invited to private affairs the likes of which I had only read about (being solitaire) and events I couldn't even imagine!

Years of practicing on my own allowed me the benefit of being able to assimilate the experiences with knowledge ... no de-programing or paganism 101 required, instead I found that these new opportunities with like-minded people broadened & deepened my understanding in a few things. Adding new dimensions to my points of view ... much the way Betwixt does today - I read the posts in a different light then I once did. At the same time these changes were happening on a spiritual plane, my career had kicked into full swing and I was literally put through my paces, some days I hit the wall, other days I managed to scale it and sometimes I fell off it. It was a personally challenging and draining time, physically & mentally, so having an outlet for my spirit had become crucial and a incredible focal point at that time.

It may have been that intensity that led me to accepting an officer role within the WCC ... I became the guardian of their ritual space. I made an oath before the gods to protect the temple and its priestess, no matter what came our way ... whether it was in winter quarters or out in the parks during the warm days.... mundane or magically speaking. Yeah seems kinda melo-dramatic, but the truth is there are intolerant fanatics out there and I've had to deal with them. And there is also some weird happenings from time to time outside of defined sacred space. So I assumed the role of Summoner for a year & a day (15 months actually) and had some experiences that defied reality a time or two. I've presided over a wiccan requiem, a handfasting, seen a few invocations (of various traditions), feasted and met deity. It was a helluva ride on all levels.

This past year, I've spent trying to apply my knowledge and experiences to my day to day life ... trying to figure out the best use for the skills and talents I've cultivated and uncovered. Its hard for me to believe that I'm actually on the road towards training in a wiccan tradition, but it's currently the best opportunity for me to serve the greater community, as a priestess and a representative of WCC priesthood, I can enter hospitals and jails in a religous capacity. I've made promises and commitments that are going to take me further into uncharted waters, but I'm hoping to keep this path between my past & future open.

So thats it in a nut shell ... Life just keeps on truckin'

Be well ... and help me stay in touch, would ya?

Invocations & Possession ... pt 1

I've been thinking about invocations and such lately. I have attended a few over the past 2 years or so, I recall reading Margot Adler's Drawing Down the Moon ... how in traditional wicca the high priestess would channel a deity (usually goddess) and be able to manifest that incarnation. I had always been sceptical of such a thing ... I mean really, the scope of possible bullshit is enormous, its easy to fool those who want to be fooled. In her book Adler says "I did not know it then, but in this ritual, it is one of the most serious and beautiful in the modern Craft... In some Craft rituals the priestess goes into a trance and speaks; in other traditions the ritual is a more formal dramatic dialogue, often of intense beauty, in which, again, the priestess speaks, taking the role of the Goddess. In both instances, the priestess functions as the Goddess incarnate, within the circle." There is also a collection of faiths throught the world where historically and traditionally the gods often speak through their human vessels. I was not so much sceptical (belief can be a very self-serving state) as cynical and intrigued by the idea.

The first one I had attended was an Invocation of Hecate, a greek pre-olympian deity of interesting aspects and perporations. It was a women only event and by invitation only. I watched with keen interest as the high priestess arrived in a light trance-like state. She was taken into seclusion without interference from those gathered. Her attendants dressed and annointed her, and evenutally guided her to the area assigned - a large, throne like chair draped in silks, surrounded by candles and other paraphenila attributed to this deity, a small table set to one side of the chair with a plate filled from the feast table and a set of wine goblets (one white, one black) - clouds of incense rose from the hot coals stationed on the other side. I watched from the side as the priestess was raised to her feet, one attendant led the group in a chant, which flowed into a hymm. The other held the priestess's hands through-out, and at the finish of the hymm, began to annoint the priestess from head to toe "annointing the vessel in preparation" Next came a call/petition/invitation to Hecate to attend the gather in honour and deepest respect. It was a long and involved process and by the end of it the priestess was gone. I say 'gone' because I know the woman who was priestessing that night and the transformation was remarkable. The priestess vesseling had physically changed into something. Whether it was the lighting or power of suggestion it appeared to be a completely different woman sitting where before there was a 50 something high priestess. She spoke to her attendents for a few miniutes who then motioned that those gathered could pay their respects to the goddess one at a time and singularly in order to assure privacy. I watch many people go before the 'goddess' and each one came away changed slightly ... some were offered the white cup, others were offered the black. I learned at a later date that the white was a guest cup and the black was those the goddess blessed. Finally, I too decided to approach this goddess and her vessel, all senses alert since I knew the priestess sitting there. As I approached She looked up and all I saw were dark eyes and high cheek-bones. Was this the face of a goddess? It sure didn't look like the person I knew ... the face was different as was the voice and general appearance. As I knelt before her, I had no expectations .... just simple curiousity and an openness to the experience itself. My brain feverishly took note of as much as I could, including the fact that I seemed to be in a strange sensory bubble. I knew I was in a room full of women, but I heard nothing but the godess's voice and saw nothing beyond her face. The conversation will remain private other then to say that comments were made in application to my career that no one in that room was privy to ... I drank from the white cup and said my thanks. When I rose to leave, the minute I steped away and turned back to the room it was like having full audio sensory returned to me. It took a moment to adjust before I then wandered off to assimilate the experience from a place I could still observe the room closely but not be in the way. I watched the women - the ones still awaiting the goddess's company watched those who had gone before them and those who had spoken with the vessel were almost glowing in their connection with each other, though there were a few who I saw sitting quietly absorbed in their own thoughts. Eventually all had approached her and the priestess sat like stone watching the crowd mill about and offer their respect in passing with tokens from the feast table and praise of their own making. The figure that sat there hardly resembled my friend in the least ... and when the attendants closed in and signaled to the room that we would be saying farewell, I watched closely. Again we went through a hymm and chant with thanks and farewell in the end. The priesstess sat utterly still and silent, her face blank and as unresponsive as her eyes. Her lids closed and her face seemed to relax into its familar shape and colour, she took a long shuddering breath and opened her eyes and smiled at the attendants. The ritual drew to a close and people started to disperse. I, in turn made a point of approaching the priestess in hopes of talking to her ... I kept it brief since she looked completely worn thin ... but was indeed the woman I knew and called friend, despite the mantle she had worn through-out the night of something 'Other'. The impression stayed with me for a few days, and although there were explained things I couldn't figure out, I still wasn't willing to believe completely in divine possession. I continued to open myself to the universe and its opportunities for knowledge and learning and so I filed the experience away and went on with my studies.

Invocations & Possession ... pt 2

from my personal journal:

Oct 1

I've been sitting here thinking about something that happened last night at circle and I'm not sure if I want it on the public board or not. Yesterday I helped Nym move boxes and clean (yay! she's moved back to Hamilton) but I kept telling her that I HAD to be at ritual that night though I didn't know why. I did know that Tamarra (the high priestess from Toronto was going to be there, a brief history on her if you're at all interested) was going to be conducting the rit. Which meant that Mara and Morgan were likely to be there ... these 2 experienced and seasoned priestesses add a serious differences to rituals. I had no idea what the nights rit would be. Turned out to be an invocation of Hermes. I was the Air quarter. We went into circle ( a small group last night ...11 of us Morgan was to ill to attend, again. 1 high priestess & priest conducting, a handmaiden and summoner, 4 quarters and 3 for the circle) We gathered in the space Nemeton gathers (the chick circle). Everything was going well and I was clicked into the Air quarter, riding the mental groove of a simple chant (a great way to get everyone in sync and raise energy) the priesthood invoked Hermes and brought around this gorgeous statue of the young god. It was about 2 feet high and polished marble. When it stopped in front of me I reach out and touched it on impulse. As I ran my hand down the length of the cool surface it was like being in a bubble, I didn't hear the rest of the circle as it continued to sing, only this heavy pulse in the pit of my stomach, like I had swallowed a heartbeat. In my head I asked 'what path lies open to me, show me the way or give me a sign' I closed my eyes and saw 3 roads stretching out into darkness (hold up 3 fingers and thats how the paths looked). The statue moved on but I couldn't move. I heard the music but couldn't find the beat or words. I felt like I had been pole-axed and my body erupted in a pins n needles sensation top to bottom. I'm standing there trying to focus and finding it really difficult. Next thing I know Mara is reaching for my hand and we are moving around the circle and the others are still singing. We come to a stop after a few rounds and move in towards the altar still connected, by this time I'm shaking so bad my arms are viberating and I feel Mara's hands tighten on me. I've got a blank spot here because next thing I know, the circle is closed and I've got tears on my face and I'm standing about 3 feet back from the rest of the circle. I open my eyes and focus and see Tamarra is watching me from across the circle and Mara is standing beside me. I can't feel my skin or the floor I'm standing on, but I can see the rest of the circle chanting and smiling at one another (not a lot of time is missing though, more like I blinked in and out, or something) It feels like something is pressing against my face and I can not move my mouth. Mara is standing in front of me and is calling for the summoners stave (a big staff of lightening struck oak, dedicated to the protection of sacred space) and its in my hands. It too sharts to vibrate and I'm trying to focus and ground and center as quickly as I can. All the fast and dirty meditations I've learned are coming into play as one by one my muscles relaxed and I stopped shaking. My mouth was dry and the room was quiet. Tamarra had escorted everyone else (except Nym) but clergy out of the room. We talked for a bit until I was more and more myself (though Nym says I still looked pretty damn spacey) took a while considering I felt like I had been sandbagged. Both priestesses are of the opinion that I got tagged last night. I don't know what to think except that I was definitely in not in normal space. I decided I really needed a good stiff drink ...

Monday Oct 3rd ... Feathers. All day I've been collecting the neatest feathers. A small red one about 3 inches long, a long cream and spotted red hawk feather, and a long cream, silver and charcoal feather about 7 inches long (pigeon?)... lol I even walked past it, then turned around and went back for it, its a perfect feather. Brought them home and put them in the black bowl.

Tuesday Oct 4th .... Went for a long ride with Pete and thought about traveling and choices. Rediscovered the 2 message strips I had received at a Nemeton rit a few months ago when I had first talked to Mara about Hekate... one says 'I am a goddess' the other says 'I am a healer'. Made me think of the caduceus that Hermes carries.

Wednesday ... I'm on the bus and I'm reading Highways of the Mind [Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki] and I open to the next chapter titled The Wearers of the Silver Sandals , it reads:

The pyshcopompoi of the Ancient religions were those gods who acted as conductors of the dead, and as messengers of the elder gods. They were accredited with the special powers that allowed them to go where mortals, amd even other gods, did not dare to set foot. They were the Walkers between the Worlds, and carried or wore the emblems of their function. All carried a staff or baton that gave them entrance to the Underworld. It was they who appeared when someone of note needed to be escorted either to the Realm of the Gods or the Afterworld of the Dead.

(regarding Hermes) .... the wings (on his helmet and sandals) symbolizes the element of Air, the staff denotes both solar and axial power. The serpents are duality, polarizing opposites of male and female, life and death, sickness and health.

Because of their divinity as sons of the older gods, they carried the word of those gods to mankind .... They had access to all levels of existance and were granted right of entry without question.

and so on

Thursday Oct 6 ... I'm still reading the same book. I look up and heres a young girl standing in front of me on the bus wearing a silver necklace with a pair if silver wings dangling from it. I was mesmerized. They are 2 seperate wings (like angel wings, or full bird wings) hanging one atop the other from a chain. I couldn't take my eyes off them. The wings are about an inch and a half long. I had to have them. I came home and told Bren about them then promptly went to the mall. Looked in almost every store then finally found them. I wore them home.

Friday ... Bad day at school. Kept thinking about choices and duty. Nym came over and we talked about my week and all the weird coincidences... or synchronicity. I told her that I think the apparition in my room was about a message as well. What the hell am I missing?

I'm getting nervous (or just plain spooked) with the way things are going. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go see my mom, she's sick again, maybe the bacterial infection again. Oct 10 is my grandmothers death day, 1 year since my first Dumb Supper. So my thoughts are dark anyways.

Been thinking about what happened to me last week. I think I tapped into what my mind preceives as god energy. It was a definite connectivity, but one of me accepting what came to me, not something I sought out. I think if I had fought it or panicked I would not have experienced what I did, it would have been enough adreniline or something to knock me out of focus and it would have been nothing more then an interesting ritual. The sensory memory is just as vivid right now as my mental memory.

I feel like I'm in a strange world, lol. I have been living a spiritual path mostly devoid deity ... niether druidism, shamanism or pantheism require ones devotion to a 'godhead' they are active philosophies, not theology. I find myself having to turn my study to the essence of godhood. Having appreciated Campbells archetype lessons, I find myself having to decide what this new energy is in my life and why its active. The first lessons of the druid and shaman is that all is connected, in and out of time...

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