"besides I was recently told that my last public ritual had a kabbalistic feel to it and I want to know why"
Oh cmon...that's barely worth the effort. Ok, because that person had recently had something to do with reading or being at a kabbalah thing, and your ritual to address things outside the earthly sphere was similar to the kabbalah ritual.......which goes to say is similar to every ritual.
Kabbalah is this generations, Golden Dawn with one glaring difference. It is politically motivated and sanctioned at the highest levels by the Jewish authority. Please! it has nothing to do with religion, Judism, magic, mysticism, Christianity??? yea right. It's science! Sure it is. I have the Equinox books from the 1800s, Crowley said the same thing.
It has nothing to do with Judism? How come all the speakers are rabbis, or they're wearing the little beanies? And by virtue, anything having to do with Judism, has to do with Christianity. Kabbalah by any other name has been known for years as Jewish Magic, and Mysticism.......and on the side, why is it that all any one has to say is it is thousands of years old, and that somehow makes it more worthy. I have yet to find anything or anyone that is thousands of years old that represents more than a developmental curiosity in superstition.
Right now, Christianity is losing steam in all educated 1st and 2nd world countries. Why? Because it's based on superstitious fiction, and it's getting harder and harder to deny that. All these ex-christians that still need something are looking at the paganism and homemade almagations of beliefs, and basically wandering around. Judism, being the main winner of the ancient herder nomadic tribal wars in the fertile crescent, which spread across to Rome and eventually up into the British isles after Constantine’s supposed conversion, is looking to bring a lot of those folks back into the fold. (Yes, I know it was Christianity that Constantine converted to. Face it, Judism and Christianity are basically the same religion, one is an minor adaptation for the time period built on the history and ritual of the other to push the father religion ahead of the mother religions.) So they roll out Kabbalah, with a back story of Abraham, Moses (big names you’ve heard of) and a few others and call it science (it fails every definition of science, it is unproved and immeasurable theory), to help their membership drive.
It's a new name on an old practice. It doesn't matter what you call it, it's a set of rituals created in someone’s imagination to help foster a belief in something after death. People can't handle the chaos and randomness of life, and need the comfort of knowing....it's all worth it. But sameold sameold gets boring, so humanity whips it up in a new wrapping paper every now and then.
The archeological facts of the matter are, that humanity was progressing along quite nicely under the agricultural goddess religions, which were to say, mother religions, the religion of birth. Men and women worked together. This isn't a utopian dream, this has been proved over and over. If someone needs a religion, this one seems the most cohesive to health and honor of humans of both sexes! Then at some point, whether because of an ecological disaster, the technological advance of metallurgy or whether it was spearheaded by tribes from non-agricultural areas, roaming herder tribes spread across Europe and Northern Africa and wiped out the great agricultural cities leaving their legacy of war, and their god religions, religions of the father, the religion of death. It's done well convincing people who want to live to accept their religion, and it's spread through wars, followed by priests proclaiming stronger gods.
You have, through the Goddess religion, and the old ways, been able to connect and break through in ways that are astounding to the people in your circles. I would suggest that you would be better served continuing down that path rather then taking seriously anything connected with the propaganda machines of autocratic religions.
And now.....happy thoughts......LOL....geez, lighten up already...